(Josie Sayz: This is
a modern-day love story of Peter Pan and Jane (I don’t like Wendy. I have
always liked Jane more; that is why this is a ‘Peter and Jane’ story and not a
‘Peter and Wendy’ story).
This is from the heart. It is incredibly personal, important and sensitive to
me. For a long time I contemplated whether posting this was a good idea. I’m
still not certain, but I am braving it for the time being. It may not be up for
long.
The characters from this story are all taken from JM Barrie’s and ‘Disney’s
‘Peter Pan’. Peter is the main male protagonist. Jane is the main female
protagonist (in ‘Disney’s ‘Return to Neverland’ she is Wendy’s daughter, but in
this story she is not related to Wendy in any way). Wendy is Peter’s housemate.
Barrie is Wendy’s pet dog (named after JM Barrie). Dani/Danielle is Jane’s best
friend (in ‘Disney’s ‘Return to Neverland’ Danny/Daniel is Jane’s brother – I
have changed the gender of this character). John is Dani’s partner (John is the
name given to one of Wendy’s brothers in Barrie’s story).
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters or location references – these
are works by JM Barrie and ‘Disney’.)
Peter &
Jane
The streetlamps
blurred into a sparkle as she lowered her eyelids. Pressing her head against
the window, the vibration tingled down her face as she let out a sigh. “You
okay?” said a male voice beside her.
“Yeah,”
she replied with another sigh, poking a smile into the corner of her mouth.
“Guess what, Peter?” she asked, keeping her gaze with the passing lampposts.
“What?”
asked her partner with a laugh. She smirked, letting out a little giggle as her
stomach fluttered. She liked hearing his laugh.
“Today
is four hundred and thirty seven days since you asked me out,” she beamed with
blushing cheeks. Feeling his hand brush against her knee, she turned towards
him with a giggle.
“Aww,
you’re still counting?” he beamed, returning his hand to the steering wheel.
“That’s sweet. And Jane… I wouldn’t take back a single day.”
“Me
either,” she smiled.
Gazing
out of the window, Jane turned her thoughts back to that very first day. Having
always kept to herself, Jane was never out looking for love when she bumped
into Peter in Kensington Gardens. He was out, walking his housemate’s dog, when
he walked into what he always described as, “The cute, little red-head with her
head in a book.” Upon their collision, Peter noticed Jane’s book and informed
her that it was a favourite of his. Sitting on a bench they spoke for ages
about books, authors, music, films and all of the adventures that one could go
on when immersed in an amazing story. Before departing their separate ways, the
two exchanged numbers, with Peter promising that he would take her on their own
adventure one day… and that he did.
Upon
their next encounter, Peter surprised Jane with a picnic in a little, enchanted
woodland, far away from the city. There they spoke of how they had both had
plans to go on exciting travels and mysterious adventures around the world, but
various obstacles had prevented them both from carrying out their dreams. “I
guess it’s all a part of growing up,” Jane had decided, folding her arms with a
sigh.
“Then
let’s never do it,” said Peter with wide eyes as he bolted upright.
“Never
do what?” frowned Jane. Digging her elbows into the blanket, she pushed herself
up to sit.
“Let’s
never grow up,” he declared with a nod. “Well?” he said with a raised brow,
awaiting her answer.
“It’s
perfect,” Jane giggled behind her hand. With a groan, Peter reached his arms
out to stretch, before hooking an arm around Jane’s shoulder.
“No, I
think you’ll find that’s you,” Peter told her as he leaned over for a kiss.
Shaking
her head a little, Jane brought herself out of her daydream as Peter pulled
into her driveway. Noticing Jane had been quiet most of the journey, Peter turned
towards her, placing a hand on hers. “Hey… what’s the matter?” he whispered.
“Nothing,”
she shrugged.
“Come
on, you’ve gone quiet. It must be something.”
Jane
shrugged. “It’s just… I don’t wanna go another twenty four days before I see
you.” Her bottom lip shook. Pinching her eyes tight, she lowered her head from
him.
“You
won’t,” Peter told her, dipping his head down to try and catch her attention.
Throwing an arm around her, Peter pulled Jane into an embrace. She sniffed,
nuzzling her head into his chest.
“Yes
it will,” she sobbed, scrunching her hands against her eyes.
“It’ll
be as soon as we can,” Peter assured her. Rubbing a hand up and down her arm,
Peter kissed the top of her head.
“Do I
need to book another day off work just to see you for a couple of hours on your
day off or will you be too busy?” Jane murmured, tugging on his jumper.
“Don’t
be silly,” Peter replied with a laugh to his voice. “That’s just what happens
when both people work.”
“So,
see you in over three weeks, then?” she sulked, pushing Peter away. Throwing
her hands to her eyes, she buried her face away from him.
“It
won’t be that long, you’ll see.”
“You
said that last time,” Jane squeaked as she caught her breath. “And it was
longer.”
“I
know,” Peter sighed. “But it’s work.” As Jane looked up at him, Peter wiped a
hand across her blotchy face. “Come here,” he whispered, wrapping his arms
tight around her.
Three
weeks passed. No more than a ‘Good morning’ or ‘Goodnight’ text message each
day had passed between them. But today was the day. Standing in her bedroom
doorway, Jane looked over her room with a smile. The floor was spotless, the
bookcase was tidy and everything for her evening with Peter had been planned to
perfection. His favourite movie series lay in a boxset on her desk, his
favourite snacks and the drinks that they shared on their first outing together
decorated a coffee table at her bedside. A homemade card sat in the centre of
her bed, next to the teddy bear that he had won her at a fête.
Brushing
a crease from her skirt, Jane bit her bottom lip with a smile. “Perfect,” she
told herself, before grabbing her phone and texting Peter. “Happy 458 days xxx,”
she wrote, feeling her stomach flutter.
“And a happy 458 days to you too my love xxx,” came his reply.
Jane
let out a squeal of excitement, typing, “See you soon? xxx.”
“Sorry love change of plans. Got work. Someone called in sick. Works in
my favour though, need to sort out those who stand in the way of promotion.
Will be a fun night :).”
Her heart froze. She held her breath. A lump clung to her throat. Forcing
herself to swallow, Jane threw a hand to her mouth. Her chest jittered.
Shaking, she stared down at her phone. It bleeped. “Hope you’re ok. See you next time. Love you xxx.”
“It’s fine,”
she lied. “Hope everything goes well. See you in the future
xxx.”
Pressing ‘Send’ she slid down her bedroom door, feeling the prickling of salty
water at her eyes. Hugging her knees, she buried her face as her chest shook.
Pushing
herself up off the floor, Jane did not know how long had passed. It was dark.
Tugging her curtains closed, she sat at her desk and started up her computer.
Opening up a drawer, she brushed the films that she had set aside out of sight.
Jane’s fingers trembled as they hovered over the keyboard. With a sniff, she
ran a hand across her face. Opening up her email account, she began to type. “Dani, I need you, I just need to talk to my best friend. It’s happened
again, Dani. I spent all day planning a nice evening and making a special card
and making sure that everything was perfect, for Peter to say that he has work
at the last minute and he only told
me because I wanted to know if he would be over soon. Was he never going to
tell me? Why does he always have
work? I know it’s not his fault, it’s just not fair. And I don’t even feel like
he cares anymore. I’ll always write to him or send him something between us not
seeing each other for weeks and a lot of the time I don’t even get a thank you
or an acknowledgement. If I question him all I get is that he’s busy at work or
that he’s making that CGI interactive pirate landscape thing for me – but
that’s his and Wendy’s thing.
I swear Danielle, sometimes it just feels like
everything else means so much more to him than I do. Work comes first, then his
housemate Wendy, then their interactive pirate world, then Wendy’s dog Barrie,
then his car, then sleeping, then food and if I’m lucky I might come before his
coat on the list… no scrap that, he’s in love with his coat more than me too.
I know it sounds like I’m moaning – and I am… it’s just he’s not the same person
he was before. He never has time for anything other than work and Wendy… he
never seems to want to go on adventures anymore. I can’t even get him to spare
five minutes to walk around Kensington Gardens with me. All he cares about is
work, getting this stupid promotion and working on that virtual pirate world
with her. He’s not Peter anymore…
he’s not my Peter. I just want him
back the way he was. I love him so much Dani, I really, really, really do, but I’m in love with the
Peter I met last year… not the Peter that he is now.”
After
hitting ‘Send’ Jane’s stomach spiralled. She pushed her keyboard away. Staring
at the wall, she gave a deep exhale. Her fingers shook; she clenched them
tight. Her stomach swirled again. Sliding out of her desk, Jane slumped onto
her bed. Grabbing her teddy bear, she flopped back against her pillow, stroking
her thumb against her furry friend. “You’ll never leave me, will you,” she
whispered to her bear.
“Bleep!
Bleep!” bleated her computer. Jabbing her elbows into her duvet, she forced
herself up. Slipping back into her desk, Jane sat her bear on her lap. She had
a new message. It was from Dani: “Oh Janey, I know you
must be terribly upset, but everything’ll be okay. You know Peter loves you. I
know he does.”
Jane threw a hand to her stomach; it felt like a brick had just dropped inside
her. She sniffed, grabbed the keyboard and began typing.
“Sorry Dani… you’re right,” Jane confessed. “I’m just a mess. I
guess I just worked myself up from having not seen Peter for ages and I’d put
so much effort into tonight. I just feel like I’ve been tossed to the ground
like a hat.”
Her trembling fingers raced across the keyboard. Her heart raged inside her
ribcage. Finishing her message, she squeezed her bear tight, pressing her cheek
into its fur. Her thumb stoked its side, as her eyes dampened its head. Closing
her eyes, she pressed her lips to the bear’s ear. Her computer bleeped again.
Dani had replied.
“I don’t want you defending him. He can’t act like spending tonight with
you meant nothing,”
Dani raged. “I can’t begin to imagine how upset you must be.
That was beyond insensitive of him. I just didn’t want you saying something you
didn’t truly mean – a spur of the moment hatred you might later regret.”
“I know,”
Jane typed with a sigh. “I love him so much Dani, I really, really, really do.” Her heart raced louder. Faster. She
pressed a hand to chest. “But sometimes… I just feel like I
mean nothing to him.”
The raging stopped. She exhaled a deep breath. Lying to the left of her
keyboard was her phone. She stared. Her hand hovered towards it. Lips parted,
she hesitated. Her chest jittered. Her hand shook. “Oh Peter…” she murmured,
bringing her hand back to her bear.
“Remember from uni, Show-Don’t-Tell?” was Dani’s next message. Jane and Danielle
had met at university, studying Creative Writing. Show-Don’t-Tell was drilled
into them as the most important thing in any piece of writing. “You can only say, ‘I love you,’ so many times, Jane. He needs to show you.”
“Don’t say that!”
Jane snapped back with a gasp, squeezing her bear tight. “He does love me.”
She pulled her bear up to her chest, pressing it against her shaking ribcage.
“He does love me,” she whispered. “He does.”
A
splodge of water dampened the bear’s head, as Dani’s reply appeared: “Yes, but he needs to show you more. If John did to me what Peter does to
you, I think I’d go mad. I understand that you both have to work, but there’s a
difference between spending time with someone and dropping a text message once
a day just to make sure you’re not dead. If he loves you, he needs to show it.”
*
Arriving home from
work, Jane tossed her bag on the floor and threw herself on her bed. Kicking
her shoes off, she tugged off her work t-shirt and glanced at her watch. It was
half-past-five. Her eyes widened; she still had time. Grabbing her bag, she dug
her hand inside and rummaged around. She found it. Pulling out her purse, she
unzipped it, dropping the change onto her bed. Her shoulder’s drooped as she
sighed. “Not enough,” she muttered. Her phone bleeped. Scrambling to her desk,
Jane unlocked her phone. It was a message from Peter. He had just returned home
from work too. “I’m sorry,” she replied. “I don’t have enough bus fare. If I did I’d come over and see you. I
don’t get paid until tomorrow :( xxx.” Jabbing her toe at a feather on her
carpet, Jane felt her heart race as she waited for a reply.
“Hey don’t worry. It was sweet of you to offer xxx,” Peter told her.
Staring
at the screen, she forced a swallow. She sniffed, clawing her hair from her
face. Perching herself on the edge of her desk, Jane texted back, “I’m sorry xxx,”
prodding her feet on her chair. She pressed a hand to her forehead, feeling her
stomach tremble.
“Don’t be,”
Peter replied. “The thought was there and I know you would if you
could xxx.”
Throwing
herself back on her bed, Jane dropped her phone on her pillow. Her chest
tightened. She pressed the back of her hand against her nose, as she sniffed.
Her stomach spiralled. “So why won’t you come and see me?” she murmured.
Throwing a hand behind herself, she grabbed out for her bear and hugged him
near. ‘Dani’s right,’ she realised, burying her head in the covers, away from
the light. ‘Everything he says is just words. He’s free right now. I’m free right now.’ Clenching her fist,
Jane dug her nails into her palm. ‘It’s been over three weeks.’ Her voice-box
squeaked as she sniffled. ‘If you love me, don’t tell me, show me.’
Clawing
her phone, Jane threw herself upright and drove her fingers into the buttons on
her phone. “Have you ever watched ‘My Fair Lady’?” Jane asked.
“There’s a song called ‘Show Me’. It made me think of you xxx.” Her pulse pounded
at her temples. ‘This has to be it,’ she told herself. ‘He has to realise what I mean.’ Her heart fluttered, as her phone
bleeped.
Peter
replied, “Really? I shall have to give it a listen one day
xxx.”
Jane’s
blood lathered. Her heart raced faster. Louder. She threw her phone at her
pillow. Pulse thundered at her temples. Clenching her fists, Jane scrunched up
her eyes and shoved her face into her pillow. Her chest tremored against the
sheets. Her pillow dampened. Her cheeks were wet; her eyes red. ‘He doesn’t want to see me,’ she thought with a
sniff. “I guess it’ll be three more
weeks,” she muttered aloud. Taking a deep breath, she reached out for her
phone. “I hope you have a nice afternoon/evening/night. I
love you Peter xxx.”
“Hey, don’t go,”
her phone bleeped before she had cleared the screen. It was Peter again. “Do you still have Friday off? Xxx.”
“Yes… xxx,”
she hesitated, feeling her heart race again.
“I’m owed for going in the other night? Do you want to spend the
afternoon together? Xxx,”
Peter asked.
“Maybe xxx,”
Jane typed as her mouth poked up in one corner.
“Maybe? Xxx.”
“I don’t want you to say yes, in case plans change,” Jane confessed.
“They won’t. Promise xxx”
*
Jane’s heart
fluttered all morning. It was Friday and Peter had promised her an afternoon
together. She had gone back and forth to the bathroom mirror countless times to
check how she looked. Her hair, her clothes, her makeup. She had to be perfect.
Everything had to be perfect. The doorbell rang. Peter arrived and swept her
away – at least that is what she had hoped for. As Peter drove, he droned on
about work all the way. “I’m getting so close now, I can feel it,” Peter told
her. “I got rid of two guys last night. That’s two less in the way of this
promotion now. And d’you want to know the best bit?” It did not matter whether
Jane responded. Peter went on and on and on anyway. Her heart sank to her
stomach, as she gazed out of the window. Her vision blurred. Pressing her hands
into the seat, Jane adjusted her posture. “I’ve just gotta blast these last few
outta the water and boom,” Peter
carried on. “I’ll be in charge in no time.”
“So
where are we going?” Jane asked. She needed a new topic. Any topic. Hearing
Peter pipe on about destroying the careers of others was lathering away in her
stomach. Scrunching her nose at the thought, she curled a piece of hair behind
her ear.
“Going?”
Peter’s surprised tone made her flinch. “We’re going to mine. Why?” Jane
shrugged, although she knew Peter could not see.
“Last
time you promised you’d take me to the Sea-Life Sanctuary,” she sighed, forcing
a smile as she rubbed a hand across the back of her neck. Peter’s shoulders
deflated. “Don’t worry,” she said with a laugh to her voice. “It’s fine. Really,” she smiled, rubbing a
hand on his shoulder. “I just want to spend time with you,” she added with a
giggle. “We could be sat out on a park bench in the freezing rain and I’d still
be just as happy to be spending time with you.”
“You’re
perfect,” Peter grinned. “Do you know that?”
“I’m
not,” she muttered, feeling her cheeks flush. “But thanks.”
Once
inside, Peter plonked himself down in front of his computer and turned on the
monitor. “I’ve got something I want you t’ see,” Peter beamed. “You’re gonna
love it.” Seating herself down on the nearby settee, Jane gave a nervous laugh.
The door creaked open. A familiar face bounced out of the kitchen.
“Hey,”
smiled Wendy with a nod, entering the room with Barrie not far behind her. “You
alright?”
“Hi,”
murmured Jane. Lowering her head, Jane stiffened her shoulders as she glanced
over in Wendy’s direction. “Yes thanks. Are you?” Forcing her biggest smile,
Jane returned her sight to the carpet. Fiddling with a loose strand on her
cardigan, Jane flinched as Barrie bounced into view. “Hey,” Jane cooed, as she
scratched him behind the ear. “I’ve missed you, Barrie. Yes I have.”
“Barrie’s
missed you too,” Peter told her, spinning around in his chair to stroke the
black-haired Russian Terrier.
“He
has,” Wendy admitted. “After you left last time, he sat in the exact spot you
had been in for days.”
“Really?”
Jane replied with a laugh.
“Come
on then,” Peter grinned at Jane, tapping his lap. “You’ve got a whole new world
to explore.” Curling her hair behind her ear, Jane’s cheeks reddened as she
perched herself on Peter’s lap. Spinning the chair back around, they faced the
computer and Peter got ready to show her his progress. “We’ve done so much since you were last here,” Peter
told her, as he wrapped an arm around Jane’s waist. “Haven’t we Wend’?”
“Sure
have,” agreed Wendy from the seat beside them. “Hey, show ‘er the ship first.”
“Arr,
yeah,” beamed Peter. “This is amazing.” He gave Jane a squeeze as he clicked
away on the mouse.
Seagulls
sounded. Wind whistled. Waves lashed. The palm trees’ shadows flickered as a
cloud drifted past the sun. “The time’s sped up a bit,” Peter explained as the
sandy bank before her grew dark. As Peter clicked, a scruffy haired man with
stubbled face and a torn, dirtied doublet hobbled across the terrain. Rocky
cliff faces lined the edges of the land. Wooden debris, rocks and seaweed
littered the man’s trail. “Wait ‘til you see this,” Peter told her and kissed
her ear. Jane squirmed, letting out a giggle. As the limping buccaneer shuffled
across the screen, a wooden frame came into view. Tripled masted, double
decked, at least forty guns and mounted upon the ship’s bow, a wolf figurehead
snarled at its nearing victims.
“Wow,”
Jane gasped. “That’s… wow. It’s amazing.”
“I
thought you’d like it,” Peter said, as he pressed his lips against her ear once
more. Jane wriggled away from him, giggling.
“And
you two made all this.” Jane’s lips remained parted while Peter clicked their
adventurer around the map for further exploration. He nuzzled his face against
her hair, rubbing a hand up her arm.
“Just
wait ‘til you see the interactions,” Peter beamed.
Moving
on into the next area, Peter and Wendy’s pirate clambered through trees, swampy
land and sandy pits, slicing his sword at anything that crossed his path. Every
human encounter involved a babble of foul language, a handful of threats and
always resulted in a blooded battle. Any animals they came across were
instantly slaughtered. Jane flinched on numerous occasions, resulting in Peter
caressing her arm with a little chuckle. Jane shuddered, holding hand to her
mouth. It was graphic – often a little too graphic. These torturous tales
seemed very unlike Peter; some of the crimes they entailed scarred the back of
her mind.
After
the tour of the virtual pirate world, Peter decided it was time for another
game. Jane had returned to the settee and was rummaging around in her bag for a
notebook and pen. “Continuing the theme of murder, how’s about a game of
‘Cluedo’?” Peter suggested. “You liked that last time?” Peter stood over Jane
with raised eyebrows awaiting an answer. This was no statement, but a question.
She hummed in reply, nodding her head. “Good,” Peter breathed and set about
clearing the table to place the game on. “You’re playing too Wend’,” Peter
called over his shoulder as he dragged his chair closer to the table. Barrie
gave a whimper at the disturbance, leapt up onto the settee and snuggled his
snout on Jane’s lap.
“Awesome,”
replied Wendy, bouncing up from her chair. Finding a small stool, she swiped it
up, placing it beside Peter.
Stiffening
her shoulders, Jane lowered her head. Running a thumb over Barrie’s fur, her
mouth poked up in one corner as she looked down at him. Jane liked Wendy, she
really did, but Peter had to include her in everything. She knew Wendy was
Peter’s best friend and that was all they were, just friends, but Jane was yet
to feel comfortable around her.
Within
a couple of minutes, Peter already seemed to have the upper hand of the game.
“Killing is thirsty work. I’m gonna make a cuppa,” he announced jumping up from
his seat, after discovering that Wendy held Reverend Green’s card, the
Conservatory and the Lounge cards and Jane held the Candlestick and the card of
her own character, Miss Scarlett.
“Could
ya grab my orange juice from the fridge while you’re in there?” Wendy called.
“Lazy
cow,” Peter retorted. Jane’s eyes widened as she threw a hand to her mouth.
“Fine,”
Wendy sighed, rolling her eyes. “I’ll get it myself.”
“You
know I’m joking,” he told her. “Glass or mug?” he called from the kitchen.
“Just
give me the bottle – it’s fine,” Wendy replied. Placing her heel on the edge of
the stool, Wendy leant an arm against her bent knee.
Waiting
for Peter to return, Jane stared at the tear in Wendy’s purple, skinny jeans.
She frowned. It was a pre-made tear. ‘Why would anyone want to buy ripped
clothes?’ she wondered. Wendy’s layered brown bob spiked out at all angles –
‘Only Wendy could pull that off,’ Jane mused. Wendy always seemed to be wearing
some band t-shirt from artists Jane had never heard of. Today she sported a
pastel blue ‘Mermaid Lagoon’ top, with many beaded bracelets on her wrist. Jane
watched them clatter together as Wendy scrolled through her phone.
“Miss
me?” sang Peter, leaning around Wendy to place her juice on the table, before
plonking himself back in his chair.
“Arh,
thank you kind sir,” Wendy laughed as she rubbed a hand on his knee.
“And
you are most welcome, fair maiden,” Peter played along. “What would one do
without your trusted companion to fetch you beverages from the far away world
of the kitchen?” The three of them burst out laughing. Jane was first to stop,
noticing Wendy return her hand to Peter’s knee. Her heart leapt. His hand lay
on hers for a second, before cupping both hands to his mug. Shooting her eyes
down to Barrie, Jane focused on fussing the furry pooch.
Their
game came to an end. Peter won. Jane kind of let him. Seeing his beaming grin
fluttered butterflies in her stomach. Peter pushed the game to one side and
slid into the space beside Jane on the settee. Barrie whimpered, before
bouncing off and onto Wendy’s chair. Scooping a hand beneath Jane’s knees,
Peter clasped his arm behind her, pulling her onto his lap. Hugging an arm to
his chest, Jane leant against him giggling. Feeling her cheeks turn red, she
pressed a hand to her face. Peter planted several kisses on her cheek before
asking, “D’you wanna watch a film?”
Jane
shrugged, “Okay,” and let out another giggle.
“Come
on then,” Peter sang as he stood up. Jane squealed in protest of being carried,
so Peter let her down.
Entering
Peter’s room, he closed the door behind them, before rustling bags about on his
desk. With one hand behind his back, Peter sat on the edge of his bed and
padded the empty space beside him. “Come on,” he smiled with his biggest grin.
“I’ve got you something.”
“Really?”
Jane gasped. “But why?” Peter shrugged.
“Felt
like it. Now close your eyes,” he told her. “And hold your hands out.” Jane did
as she was told. A smooth, light object slid into her hands. “Okay… open them.”
Gasping, Jane’s eyes widened at the DVD in her hands. It was ‘Hook’ – a film
that they had spent hours talking about the last time that she and Peter had
spent the evening together.
“Oh
Peter,” Jane beamed. “How did you manage to get this? How did you know? How-”
her voice trailed as her wide eyes sparkled at Peter’s. She threw her arms
around him. “Thank you. Thank you so much.”
“See,
I do listen,” he said stroking her hair.
“It’s
perfect.” Leaning out of their embrace, she and Peter kissed. “I love you.”
“I
love you too,” confessed Peter, breaking away from another kiss. “Let’s put it
on.”
After
switching on his television and loading up the film, Peter and Jane made
themselves comfy. Unbuttoning her cardigan, Jane removed it, using it as a
pillow to cushion her head against the bed’s headboard. As the film
advertisements played, Peter pulled Jane into an embrace. “Come here you,” he
laughed as he tugged her towards him. She giggled wrapping her arms behind his
neck. Inhaling against her ear, Peter confessed, “I’ve missed you,” as he
rubbed his hands up and down her back.
“I’ve
missed you too,” she replied, feeling her back tingle from his touch. Leaning
out of their embrace, Peter pressed his lips against hers. He stoked her face.
She kissed him back. He rubbed her arm. She ran her hands through his hair.
“I’ve
missed you more,” he smiled between kisses.
“I’ve
missed you most,” Jane giggled, pulling away from him. Peter edged closer,
brushing a hand on her thigh. He gave a little hum.
“Maybe
I’ll let you win,” he told her, kissing her neck.
“Maybe?
What do I have to do to earn the victory?”
“I
don’t know,” answered Peter with a grin. Sliding his hand under her t-shirt, he
gripped her waist. “I’ll have to think about it.” He pulled her against him.
Their lips met. His hand stroked her skin. She shuddered as his touch fluttered
her stomach. She returned her fingers to his hair. He groaned into a kiss. She
moaned back as his fingers traced across her stomach. He kissed her harder. She
tugged his hair. The tips of his fingers slipped under the waistline of her
trousers. He kissed her neck. She giggled, twirling her fingers through his hair.
Tugging her t-shirt, he kissed along her collar bone. She brushed a knee
against his. His kisses returned to her neck. Her ear. Her cheek. Her lips. She
pulled his shirt. His fingers pressed against the elastic of her underwear.
“No,
Peter,” she murmured, shaking her head as she pushed him away. “Don’t…”
“What’s
wrong?” Wide-eyed, he held his hands up in surrender. Staring at Jane, his brow
furrowed as he awaited her explanation.
“Nothing,”
Jane sniffed, shaking her head again. “I just… want a cuddle.” Sitting up, she
pulled her knees towards her chest and hugged them. “Just a cuddle,” she
repeated nodding, before Peter could question her further.
“It’s
okay,” he whispered. Although Peter’s smile was big, his brow wrinkled.
Pinching her eyes, Jane blinked several times, turning her vision to the
pillow. “Come here,” Peter’s soft tone poked a smile into the corner of her
mouth. He stretched an arm out and Jane rested her head against his chest.
Peter
felt her shake as he held her near. Stroking a hand across her back, he kissed
the top of her head. “It’s okay,” he repeated. “Everything’s okay.” As her
breathing steadied, Peter ran a hand through Jane’s hair. “You know, you worry
me sometimes,” he told her.
“I’m
sorry,” she squeaked, rubbing her eye.
“Don’t
be,” he smirked. “I just want you to know that you can talk to me… if
anything’s bothering you, I’m right here. I’m always here.” Curling her hair away from her face, Peter tried to
catch her eye. “It doesn’t have to be now,” he went on, “I mean, you can tell
me if you want to, or you can text me or email me… or write to me even, if
you’d prefer – whatever you’re comfortable with I’m always here for you.” With
a sniff, Jane smiled.
“Thank
you,” she murmured, tugging on his green hoodie. With a shaky breath, she
relaxed her shoulders and draped an arm over Peter’s side, tucking her fingers
underneath him. She hummed against him, snuggling her head into his chest.
“Well,
you know, within reason,” added Peter, stretching his arms out behind his head.
“If I’m asleep or at work or I’m busy, then, you know, maybe not straight away,
but I am here for you.” Jane’s smile dropped. She held her breath. Digging her
one elbow into the bed, she retracted her other arm from Peter and shuffled up
to sit.
As the
film played, they both commented on parts they remembered from their childhood
and things that they recalled differently. Jane had returned to snuggling up
against Peter. Resting her head against his chest, he wrapped his arm around
her. “I always found the mermaid scene odd,” Jane declared. Peter hummed. “I
don’t get the point of it at all. It-” Something growled. Jane froze. She held
her breath. She heard it again. Shuffling, she looked up at Peter. His eyes
were closed. His lips lay apart. His chest rose. The roaring sounded again.
Slipping out from his grip, Jane looked back at him shaking her head. “Am I
that boring?” she sniffed. “You haven’t seen me for four weeks.” Peter snored
again. “And then you fall asleep… again.”
Her chest shook. Holding a hand to her mouth, Jane tried to hide her shaky
breathing. Moving the arm he had wrapped around Jane moments earlier, Peter
scratched his chest, before rolling over onto his side. Staring at his back,
Jane’s vision blurred.
Pushing
herself off the bed, Jane grabbed her cardigan. Her voice-box squeaked as her
shallow breaths grew faster. Fastening her buttons, Jane turned to the window.
The rain lashed down. Her tears mimicked droplets on the window. She squeaked
again, clasping a hand to her mouth. Her heart shuddered at her chest. ‘You
only wanted me for one thing,’ Jane realised as images of Peter and sensations
of his touch crept into her mind. Through the darkness, she spotted a white and
ginger cat hiding beneath a car. She hugged her arms around herself, pinching
her nails in to her sides. ‘You didn’t get what you wanted, so you lost
interest.’ Jane wheezed, as the pace of her breathing brought a lump to her
throat. ‘You fell asleep’.
Gazing
at the scared feline, Jane’s breathing slowed. Thunder rumbled. The storm grew
fierce. Rain splashed inches off the ground. Peter’s snores softened as he
rolled onto his back. Her chest shaking, Jane concentrated on the creases in
the duvet, determined not to wake him. ‘You know what you need,’ she thought,
her pulse trembling at her temples, ‘A very loyal cat.’ Glancing back out the
window, the tail of the white and ginger cat shot out from under the car,
feeling the rain. Watching the wafting tail Jane’s chest shuddered. ‘It’ll be there
for you when you want it.’ She pinched her sides tighter. ‘And it can entertain
itself when you’re not interested.’
Turning
to Peter, Jane sensed another squeak erupt from her throat. She threw a hand to
her mouth, pinching her eyes tight. ‘That’s it,’ her brain blustered. ‘All you
need is a pet… and a prostitute.’ Throwing herself against the window ledge,
Jane buried her face in the crook of her arm. Snivelling, her chest slowed as
the rhythmical rattle of the rain patted against the glass. With a deep inhale,
a scent engulfed her. It was Peter. His scent lingered on her.
As
Jane lifted her head, the cat was gone. Peter snored again. A tremble trailed
down her arm. The corner of her left eye tingled. Gripping the cuffs of her
cardigan, Jane pressed them to her eyes. “I love you,” she whispered, shaking.
Her voice-box squeaked again. ‘I can’t stay here,’ she told herself. ‘I can’t’.
The
door to Peter’s bedroom creaked. Shooting her head around, Jane checked that
she had not woken him. Having rolled back on his side, Peter growled away. Jane
pressed the back of her fingers against her cheeks. Entering the living room,
Jane and Wendy exchanged glances. “You alright?” Wendy muttered, returning her
attention to her monitor.
“Yeah,”
Jane mumbled back. Kneeling against the settee, Jane stretched over the arm for
her shoes, jacket and bag. She threw the jacket over her shoulders and squatted
on the ground to tie her laces. Sniffing, she lifted the flap of her satchel to
rummage for a tissue. ‘Oh no,’ she thought as her hand brushed against her
purse. ‘I didn’t go to the bank.’ Her heart thumped. ‘I can’t get the bus.’ It
thumped again. Her shoulders drooped. She flopped back. Her stomach bounced her
insides up to her chest as her breathing grew faster.
Papers
wafted to the ground. “Sorry,” Wendy muttered as she caused destruction to her
desk. Knocking over a mug of milk, she cursed before clambering into the
kitchen. As a whimper escaped her mouth, Jane wiped her nose on the back of her
hand. Jane’s eyes shot to the door. She had to move before Wendy came back and
spotted her. Hearing Wendy clattering cupboard drawers, Jane shoved her arms
into her jacket sleeves, grabbed the handle of her bag and bounced up. Bolting
into the hallway, she pressed down on the door handle to Peter’s room.
The
door creaked. With a groan, Peter stretched his arms over his head. “Sorry
Jane,” he mumbled. Scrunching his eyes, Peter pushed himself up to sit.
Lowering her sight from him, Jane returned to her spot at the windowsill.
Clawing the cuffs of her jacket, Jane dug her elbows into her waist and pressed
herself against the wall. She sniffed, watching water droplets trail down the
glass. “Are you okay?” Peter asked. With another sniff, Jane twisted herself
away from him. “Hey…” he whispered. Crawling across the bed Peter placed a hand
on her shoulder. Jane jerked it away. “Jane,” he gasped. Peter pushed himself
up and stood behind her. “I’m sorry I fell asleep – you know that’s not my
usual thing.” Jane knew he was referring to the film, not the nap.
“It’s
okay,” she squeaked, scanning the land outside for the white and ginger cat.
Peter slipped his hands around Jane’s waist. Her chest shook against him.
Throwing a hand to her face, tears streamed.
“What’s
wrong?” Peter asked, pressing his cheek against hers. “You can tell me.”
Leaning away from Peter, she shook her head. “Please Jane, what’s wrong?”
Tightening his grip around her, Peter kissed the top of her head.
“I
wanna go home,” she sniffled. Unwrapping his arms from her, Peter rested his
hands on Jane’s shoulders.
“Okay,
if you’re sure.” He rubbed his hands up and down her arms. Lowering her head,
Jane turned around.
“I
am.”
Half
an hour later, Peter pulled up in Jane’s driveway. Apart from her sniffles, she
remained quiet for the entire journey. “Come here,” Peter whispered, holding an
arm out for her. Jane leant towards him, pressing her face into his shoulder.
Her hands remained at her sides. Peter kissed the top of her head.
“Everything’s going to be alright, okay?” he assured her, rubbing a hand up and
down her arm. “I’m here… I’ll always be here.”
“You
won’t though,” Jane cried, pushing Peter away. “You never are.”
“Hey,
that’s not true,” Peter told her, placing a hand on her knee. “I love you.”
“I
love you too,” snivelled Jane. “But I fell in love with a playful Peter who
always wanted to have fun, go on adventures together and who promised he’d
never grow up… but you’re not him.” Turning away from him, she opened the car
door. Peter grabbed her arm. Shaking his hand away, Jane’s blotchy face stared
into his eyes. “Peter, you’ve become a pirate.” Throwing a hand to her face,
Jane slammed the car door. Eyes teary, her vision blurred. Running to her
house, Jane drove her hand into her back for her keys. Squinting, she whispered
to herself. “Don’t look back.”
*
Overnight, Peter left
several messages on Jane’s phone. She ignored them. After switching off her
alarm, a bleeping on her phone startled her. She gasped, grabbing it from her
bedside. It was another text from Peter: “Morning Tink. Hope
you are feeling better today x.” She blinked as her eyes stung. Turning her phone over,
she hid the screen from herself. A tear twinkled from her eye.
‘Feeling
better?’ the thought raged inside of
her. Her cheeks heated up. ‘What’s that supposed to mean?’ Her hands balled
into fists. ‘There is nothing to feel better
over. He can’t just call me Tink and
expect me to forget about everything.’ Scrambling to her desk, she dragged open
a drawer. Digging out a notebook and pen, Jane began scribbling away.
“Dear Peter,
It has been so lovely and so magical to have been
able to spend the last four hundred and sixty three days with you. You have
made me feel emotions that I never knew existed before. I have been so happy
and felt so loved with you. I can honestly say, hand on heart, that I have
fallen in love with Peter. There’s just one problem… I’m in love with the Peter
that I met back in Kensington Gardens, last year. I’m in love with the guy who
loved going on walks for the fun of it, who would sneak Barrie away from Wendy
just to meet me in the park, the guy who wanted to explore and who always
wanted more. But you’re not him. You’ve changed. You spend your days off work
locked away in your house with Wendy. You only talk about work and how you
slaughter the careers of everyone else. You’ve grown into a power-hungry
monster. But most importantly… you’ve grown up.
I love you Peter. I am one thousand percent in love
with you… just not the you that you have become. I no longer look forward to
spending time with you. I worry how long it will be before I get upset in your
presence. That shouldn’t happen, Peter. It’s not right. It’s not normal. I’m
scared to spend time with you. Don’t think that writing this comes easy to me,
Peter – it doesn’t. I’m upset. I’m scared. I’m absolutely terrified. Meeting
you was the best thing that has ever happened to me. I’ll never ever stop
loving you… just not the you that you are now.
I promise to always look back on the times that we
have spent together with fond memories. You were my first, my one, my only
love. I will never forget you, Peter.
Jane.”
Tears splodged the
paper. Jane gripped her stomach as she put down her pen. Rummaging through a
drawer, she found an envelope and scribbled Peter’s name.
*
Apart from
pleasantries between her colleagues and customers, Jane refused to speak to
anyone all morning. She sat by herself at lunch, tracing over and over the same
circle that she had drawn ten minutes ago. Her phone vibrated. Her heart leapt
as she stared at it. It vibrated again. Swiping her phone, she held it at her
lap, under the table. It was a message from Peter. “I’ve got to work a night shift tonight. Any chance I can stop by yours
before work? Please let me know you’re ok. I’m worried about you xxx.” Her heart
shuddered as her fingers hovered over the keypad.
*
Lights appeared in
her driveway. Peter was outside. Slipping the letter that she had written
earlier that morning in her inner jacket pocket, Jane gripped her cuffs tight
and made her way outside. Opening his car door, Jane dropped into the passenger
seat and stared at the dust on the dashboard. “Hey, I thought I’d stop by
before work to make sure you’re okay,” Peter told her. “I’ve been worried about
you.”
“You
shouldn’t be,” Jane mumbled.
“I
know, but I don’t like thinking of you as unhappy.” Peter reached an arm around
Jane’s shoulder. She squirmed away. “Okay,” he whispered.
“I
don’t like thinking of you unhappy either,” she squeaked, still keeping her
gaze with the car. Sniffing, she rubbed a hand to her eye.
“I
know,” Peter sighed. “But I’m far, far
from it. I have you and Wendy to thank for that.” Peter cupped a hand over
Jane’s. Tugging her hand away Jane shot him a glare. “She saved me a long time
ago, you know,” Peter went on, oblivious to Jane’s scowl. Sniffing, Jane slid
her hand into her jacket and pulled out the envelope.
“Here,”
she whispered, handing it to him. Peter beamed at her.
“I’ll
read it when I get back from work in the morning,” he promised. “I’ll text you
to let you know how it goes when I get back. I dare-say you’ll be stirring
then.” Jane shuffled, shifting her weight away from him. Glancing at the clock
on his dashboard, Peter let out a sigh. “Five minutes is up. I’ve gotta go.”
“Bye
Peter,” Jane cried, throwing her arms around him. “I love you.” Scrunching her
eyes, she squeezed him tight.
“I
love you too.”
Jane
lay staring at her alarm clock. She had done so most of the night. Fifteen
minutes still remained before her alarm would ring. Her chest tightened. Her
spiralling stomach knotted. Her pillow lay smudged and damp. Rattling against
her bedside table, the screen of her phone flashed. Her heart leapt into her
throat. It was a message from Peter: “Morning. I thought work was tough, but your letter punched me in the
gut. Tell me you didn’t mean it. I love you Jane xxx.”
Letting
out a whimper, Jane typed, “Sorry. I do. You’re not the same
Peter anymore. You’re always so busy and never have time for anything x.”
“That’s all a part of growing up xxx,” Peter told her. Her stomach heaved up into
her lungs.
Gripping
her bear, Jane’s fingers shook over the keypad, “I thought we
promised we never would… xxx.” She pressed the bear to her chest, squeezing tight, as
she murmured various squeaks.
Her
phone flickered. Peter had replied. “Somethings in life
mean you have to xxx.”
A tear
trickled down Jane’s cheek, as he told him, “But what if
I’m not ready to grow up? xxx.”
“Then I’ll wait for you my love :) Xxxxxxxxxx.”
“Oh
Peter,” Jane whimpered to herself. Rubbing a hand across her blotchy face, Jane
sobbed replying, “You can’t. You’re not the Peter I fell in love with.” Holding her
stomach, Jane waited and waited for a response. Her alarm sounded. Switching it
off, she flopped back against her pillow. Her phone vibrated.
“You’re breaking my heart,” Peter declared. “Please don’t say
that. I love you Jane. You mean everything to me xxx.”
“My heart’s already broken,” was Jane’s robotic response.
“Don’t say that xxxxx,” Peter snapped.
Holding
a hand to her mouth, Jane wrote, “It’s over.” Turning of her
phone off, Jane let it drop to the floor.
-
Josie -
