(Josie
Sayz: I took these pictures a while back in March.)
Sunday 17th March 2019 was a bit of an adventure for me. Things haven’t been okay for me for a long while, but especially since Christmas. I’m not one for big events. I have agoraphobia. Being in crowded places causes panic attacks. Some can be worse than others. I have ways to help calm me down, but sometimes fear takes over; I get rooted to the spot and I can’t think or move or breathe. I hate going to places on my own. I hate being on my own. Being on my own makes these panic attacks worse. It makes them more common. It makes them more server. I am alone now. I don’t have someone who can be by my side, who can help me, who can calm me down when things get too much.
I have been here before, to Severn Valley. It was two years ago, in the summer. It was for a special World War II re-enactment weekend. I wasn’t alone. I was with someone. Someone I knew. Someone I trusted. I did struggle, but I made it through. This is, therefore, somewhere I am familiar with. I knew where I wanted to go and when. Sunday 17th March was another special event. Not as large as my previous encounter with Severn Valley – I doubt I could handle something quite so large, quite so soon, on my own.
I knew that I had to try… I had to learn to face the crowds on my own. I know I may never be able to face events as large as the World War II re-enactment weekend on my own, or a busy supermarket the weekend before Christmas, or a music festival. Attempting a smaller crowd, at a place I am somewhat familiar with, where there were things to look at, to keep me entertained… I had to at the very least try.
Despite my troubles and fears, I am glad that I went. I did have a nice day. I even engaged in conversation with some of the volunteers, which is a very big thing for me. I managed to get quite a lot of good photographs, that were not possible to on my previous visit. They also acted as a distraction at times when I needed them.
I am proud of myself for being able to partake in this adventure. Whether I will be able to again, I am not sure. It will depend on in event in question and how I feel at the time. Things only continue to get worse for me, however, I will attempt to try to doing things like this, when I can.
Sunday 17th March 2019 was a bit of an adventure for me. Things haven’t been okay for me for a long while, but especially since Christmas. I’m not one for big events. I have agoraphobia. Being in crowded places causes panic attacks. Some can be worse than others. I have ways to help calm me down, but sometimes fear takes over; I get rooted to the spot and I can’t think or move or breathe. I hate going to places on my own. I hate being on my own. Being on my own makes these panic attacks worse. It makes them more common. It makes them more server. I am alone now. I don’t have someone who can be by my side, who can help me, who can calm me down when things get too much.
I have been here before, to Severn Valley. It was two years ago, in the summer. It was for a special World War II re-enactment weekend. I wasn’t alone. I was with someone. Someone I knew. Someone I trusted. I did struggle, but I made it through. This is, therefore, somewhere I am familiar with. I knew where I wanted to go and when. Sunday 17th March was another special event. Not as large as my previous encounter with Severn Valley – I doubt I could handle something quite so large, quite so soon, on my own.
I knew that I had to try… I had to learn to face the crowds on my own. I know I may never be able to face events as large as the World War II re-enactment weekend on my own, or a busy supermarket the weekend before Christmas, or a music festival. Attempting a smaller crowd, at a place I am somewhat familiar with, where there were things to look at, to keep me entertained… I had to at the very least try.
Despite my troubles and fears, I am glad that I went. I did have a nice day. I even engaged in conversation with some of the volunteers, which is a very big thing for me. I managed to get quite a lot of good photographs, that were not possible to on my previous visit. They also acted as a distraction at times when I needed them.
I am proud of myself for being able to partake in this adventure. Whether I will be able to again, I am not sure. It will depend on in event in question and how I feel at the time. Things only continue to get worse for me, however, I will attempt to try to doing things like this, when I can.
- Josie -
No comments:
Post a Comment