Update

Just a quick, little life update. I have made it onto the management team. I am getting a 20% pay rise, with a possibility of a second 20% pay rise next year!

I have been moving the furniture around my maisonette, now that I know that it will only ever be just me, and even though my place is way too big for just me, it is feeling a little bit more like my home. I’m still not fully comfortable in such a big space, but I’m getting there. I have so much that I need to get rid of, now that there will never be someone to share my space with. I no longer need the TV, dining table and two chairs, balcony table and two chairs, the second bedside table, the ottoman, the boardgames, all of my dresses and nice clothes, the pint glass, the air fryer, the pizza cutter, spare bath towel, extra crockery and cutlery, the matching grey mug to my yellow one, the cereal bowls, my nice heels, the matching holiday cases, the decorative pieces that I bought for my home to feel more like the other person, I no longer need the three sections of my wardrobe, just two.

I am going on holiday on Friday, by myself. I can do what I want, instead of putting my life on hold, while someone else is in control of when they call me, how long the call lasts for, when they see me, how they communicate with me, while I am left twiddling my thumbs, putting my entire life on hold, while I wait for them to contact me. I can go on a walk to where I want. I can buy the food that I want. I can get up at the time that I want. I can stay in places for as long as I want. I can read a book, without worrying if I will get interrupted with a phone call. I can write a story without worrying about any interruptions.

 

I finally have control back to my life. I no longer have to put my entire existence on hold just in case someone decides to phone me for two minutes to get hung up on midsentence, when a better offer appears. I no longer have to live my life by someone else’s conditions, who makes me feel like needing a routine to feel safe is me being too much and wrong.

I would rather give up on my life dream of living together with someone and being able to get married on day, than to want it with someone who promised it, but then changed their mind after six months and didn’t want it anymore.

 

I guess this is the end for my blog. There is no more creative writing. There is no one to share it with. There is no one to bounce ideas off of. There is no one to read what I write. I guess I have to get used to life being just me again. Except this time there are no friends, no family, just me.