Serenity

(Josie Sayz: At the moment of posting this, I haven’t read it through a billion times and found all of the typos/mistakes yet. I just really wanted to post it as soon as I finished it. It may be 5,344 words of nothingness to anyone who reads this, but it is everything to me. I know it’s no where near the best thing I have ever written. It just helped me get some things off my chest. I didn’t want them to eat away at me anymore, especially not when my mental health really is the best it has ever been. I also felt like I wanted to write something with the mention of the current, global pandemic slotted in – I’m not sure why, but it just felt the right thing to do. Originally, I wanted to call this piece ‘Seren & T’, but when my phone autocorrected it to ‘Serenity’ as I was making notes, so I didn’t forget things, the piece kind of formed its own path. Wishing you well KB.)

The clip-clop of her heels echoed through the silent street. Holding her head up high, a smile etched on her face. Shoulders back, her arms swung at her sides, wafting against the billow of her dress. ‘Another good day,’ she beamed to herself. She had changed a lot in the last few months. Her usual hunched back and lowered head had been replaced with her new posture. Just months ago, her insides would have knotted at the thought of looking around at her surroundings. Wrapping her arms tight around herself, Seren’s sight would have shifted from the feet pacing around her. Even around the office, she would lower her head from her fellow colleagues and scoot out of the corridor as fast as she could, to avoid engaging in conversation. Now, she bounced down the road with a spring in her step, beaming back at the world.

Shuddering out of her daydream, reminiscing of how shy she used to be, and revering her newfound confidence, Seren gripped the heart shaped locket that hung from her neck. Her eyes widened. She stumbled to a halt as a person appeared from around the corner, jogging towards her. Edging towards the curb, Seren threw her head over her shoulder. Silence in both directions. No traffic to be seen, she stepped into the road and continued her walk. “Thank you,” nodded the jogger, wearing a facemask, as they passed.

“You’re welcome,” Seren sang back with a smile. Hopping back onto the pavement, a warm flutter tingled in Seren’s stomach. People were more polite of late. It was as though everyone had remembered their manners and all it took was a global pandemic.

Over the last couple of months, severe changes had occurred throughout the entire world, regarding how everyone socially interacted. The large crowds that caused Seren’s chest to tremble, as she clung to the side lines, with her eyes rapidly flickering as she scanned the mass of bodies for safe ways to pass, no longer congregated. Meetings of no more than two people from the same household were prohibited, unless social distancing of two metres was in place – and even then, you could only meet up with one person. The face mask that hooked over the ears of the jogger, who past her by, hiding their mouth and nose from view, had become the social norm. Protecting yourself and those around you from the spread of the virus had become the world’s number one priority.

Sliding her locket along her necklace chain, her brow furrowed. Vibration buzzed against her back. “Great,” she sighed aloud to herself. Slipping the strap off her right shoulder, she swung her backpack around to her left side. ‘If this is Carmen again, I already told her I’ve left the building,’ she fumed, returning her mind back to the office, as she rummaged in her bag for her phone. A puff of air escaped her as she grabbed her mobile, swinging her bag back onto her back. Pressing her thumb into her phone’s screen, her heart stopped. Her feet froze. Rooted to the spot, her stomach spiralled. It was text message from her ex-boyfriend: “Want to meet for a safe, social distancing walk around the park at 5pm? I’ll wait 5 minutes. T.” A tingle shuddered down her back. Her heart hammered at her chest. Her stomach spiralled in a circumbendibus.

‘Tommy?’ she frowned, her mouth open. ‘It’s been six months…’ Lowering her phone from her face, Seren’s mouth remained a gap as she continued her walk. ‘He’s ignored me for six months. I’m in a really good mindset and now this.’ Swinging her backpack around to her side, Seren stuffed her phone back inside. She sighed to herself as she readjusted her bag’s straps on her shoulders. Taking in a slow, deep breath, she straightened her back and her smile returned. ‘Maybe he’s finally returning the explosion photo box I made him.’ Her eyes dropped to the floor and she forced the right corner of her smile to prod into her cheek. ‘Or maybe he wants to tell me he and his new girlfriend are engaged already.’

Sighing, Seren gripped her biceps as her pace slowed. Images of Tommy pushed their way to the front of her mind. Her intestines knotted. A lump lodged in her throat. Her vision blurred. “You’re a nice girl, Seren,” he said, as he loomed over her. Lowering her sight from his, she gazed at his feet. “But I just don’t feel anything towards you.” His voice blunt, his words stung. Her heart crashed against her ribcage. He shrugged at her, as her sparkling eyes stared back at him.

Forcing a swallow, she shook her head in attempt to throw the memories from the front of her mind. She sniffed, her eyes stinging. Arching her head over her shoulder, she scanned her surroundings. The street was deserted. Slowing her walk to a halt, Seren closed her eyes, inhaling a shaky breath. Her shoulders relaxed. Releasing a blow of air, the thumping in her chest slowed. ‘Whatever he wants,’ she told herself as she inhaled another breath. ‘I won’t let him knock me back.’ Opening her eyes, she straightened her back and continued her clip-clop down the street.

*

Slamming the front door closed behind her, Seren’s mind buzzed as thoughts swirled around. A heavy weight hovered above her brow. She ignored it, as she locked her front door. Slipping her keys into her black and white, polka dot, mini satchel, Seren took a deep breath. Her heart thudded in her chest. Clasping a hand around her locket, her smile returned.

Clip-clopping down the road, her intestines swirled. Her palms grew sweaty. A lump lodged in her throat. ‘What’s the matter with me?’ Seren sighed. Huffing out a puff of air, she clenched her teeth. ‘Why am I so anxious all of a sudden?’ Taking in a shuddery breath, she slowed her pace. ‘And why now? Tommy broke up with me six months ago. He hasn’t spoken to me since… I’m finally feeling okay again.’ Seren fluttered her eyes closed as she inhaled a slow, deep breath. ‘What’s the worst that can happen?’ she chuckled to herself with a shrug. ‘It’s not like he can break my heart again… and I know he’s with someone else. Whatever his reason,” she decided, “it’ll be nice to see him again.’

Reaching their usual meetup place, a smile prodded into the corner of her mouth. She gazed out over the sunlit park. Beams of light shone through gaps in the trees. As the wind blew, the light danced around her. She smirked, plonking herself down on the bench in the entrance way. Gazing out over the grass, the racing in her chest slowed. Blades of grass swayed in the gentle whistling of the wind. There was no litter in sight. No people. No dogs. As a bee buzzed nearby, branches rustled behind her in the breeze.

Popping open the flap of her polka dot bag, Seren dug out her phone. A soft hum escaped her as she reread through Tommy’s message. Her eyes flickered to the time, at the top of the screen. It was five o’clock. Glancing around, Seren’s sight skimmed her surroundings. She was alone. Prodding her thumbs into her screen, she typed, ‘Seren n T.’ Her brow puckered as it autocorrected to, ‘Serenity.’  Smirking to herself, Seren shook her head.

“Someone’s got you smiling,” sang a male voice to her left.

“Tommy!” she gasped, stuffing her phone into her bag, as her heart crashed against her ribcage. Letting out a nervous laugh, she bounced up from the bench as he approached her. “Hi.”

“You look really nice,” he told her with a soft smile, as he looked her up and down. Her black and white polka dot dress clung to her petite frame. Seren’s blushing hue brought a smile to Tommy, as her rosy cheeks brightened her complexion. “Then again, you always did dress nice.”

“Thanks,” she blushed with a giggle, shifting her sight to her shoes. A smirk prodded into the left corner of Tommy’s cheek.

“So, you wanna go for a walk?” he asked her, sliding his hands into his pockets. “The path’s three metres wide, so we can keep a safe distance,” he reassured her, as she returned her gaze to him. Pinching her lips in, Seren nodded. As Tommy nodded for Seren to lead the way, her heels made a slow clip-clop, clip-clop as they began their stroll.

Arching her head around to the trees they passed, Seren’s eyes wondered from the branches, to the bark, to the flowers at her feet. As her arms swung at her sides, brushing against the waft of her dress, a lump crept into her throat. A knot formed in her stomach, as they walked in silence. Tommy was looking at her, she knew he must be. She could feel it. Taking in a slow breath, she kept her focus on the flowers.

“So,” he asked, in a light, airy tone. “How’ve you been?”

“I’m good,” Seren told him with a grin, eyes still fixed on the passing wildflowers. “I’m doing really well. What about you?” She flickered a glance in his direction. He smiled back at her and she darted her vision back to her feet.

“Living the dream,” he beamed. “Couldn’t be better.” The knot in her intestine tugged tight, as Seren forced her biggest smile.

“That’s good,” she told him.

“Yeah,” he replied with a nod. “Things are finally settling down at work,” he told her. “It’s only taken – what, five years,” he added with a chuckle.

“That’s good,” Seren found herself saying again, as they turned a corner, deeper into the park.

Holding her right hand out, Seren trailed her fingers through the barnyard grass that lined their path. While Tommy went on about the events that had untangled over the last six months at work, Seren stayed quiet, offering a small hum and nod where necessary.

“Do you wanna sit?” Tommy asked as they approached a bench surrounded by daisies, nestled between an archway in the trees. “I’m sure sitting either end’ll be fine,” he added with a shrug. Seren agreed. Perching herself on the far-right side, her smile softened as she looked to the flowers at her feet. “I know you like daisies,” Tommy added with a nervous chuckle, rubbing a hand across the back of his neck.

“You… remember that?” whispered Seren as her brow creased. With blushing cheeks, Tommy shrugged.

“I always remember silly things,” he told her. “I can’t remember birthdays or special dates, but I always remembered that.” A silent chuckle escaped Seren, as she found herself smiling at him. “Oh, and erm… I got you something,” Tommy muttered, as he unzipped his jacket. Seren’s lips parted as her brow puckered. “Here,” he said passing her a thin, purple rectangle. “It’s a peace offering.” Stretching her arm out, Seren gasped and her eyes widened as she pulled a slab of chocolate towards herself. “I know it’s your favourite,” he added with a shrug as her smile grew.

“Tommy,” she breathed, feeling her cheeks tingle. “Thank you. You didn’t have to though.”

“Come on, it’s nothing,” he laughed. “It’s not a lot, but, you know,” muttered Tommy, lowering his head. “I had t’ get you something.”

Having slipped Tommy’s gift into her bag, Seren shifted herself away from him. The butterflies that fluttered into her stomach made her cheeks sting. ‘Stop it,’ she scolded herself. ‘Don’t get carried away.’ Closing her eyes, she inhaled a slow breath. A fresh mowed grass and sweet floral fragrance seeped into her nostrils. She allowed herself a hum as she exhaled. Crossing her right leg over her left knee, Seren nestled her hands in her lap.

“So, how are things at home?” Tommy asked. Scrunching his nose, he lowered his stare to the space on the bench between them. “Are things any better?”

“Yeah, it’s great,” she told him as she laced her fingers together. His brow slanted. His eyes widened as he twisted himself around to face her. “My brother’s girlfriend went back to her parents at the beginning of lockdown. It’s been amazing,” she told him with a chuckle, turning her head towards him. “He’s been a completely different person. He’s nice and we actually talk, like we used to before she showed up.” A soft smile formed on Tommy’s face, as Seren continued. “We’re getting along really well. Things are fine between me and my mum. My new neighbours are lovely. The house is tidy and it’s so much quieter.” Leaning back, she laughed. “Home’s the best it’s ever been.”

“That’s great,” he beamed back at her. “That’s all I ever wanted for you.”

“Work’s been great too,” she told him, as the knotting in her stomach slithered away. “Okay, so I’m the only one in my team, because they furloughed everyone else. And the office are all working from home, more or less, but I’m going in to run all of the errands. You know, post, scanning, printing, copying, sending out letters.”

“Sounds like you’re running the place,” Tommy chuckled.

“I pretty much am,” agreed Seren, laughing along with him. “I mean, it’s the busiest I’ve ever been, but with there been so few people in the building (we have a couple of people from each team come in a day) my anxiety’s not as bad, as there’s less people and less social interaction.” Flickering her sight towards Tommy, she held his gaze. “I do get on with everyone,” Seren went on, as she returned her attention to the daisies between them. “And I love helping people… I just cope better at a distance.”

“You sound like you’re doing really well,” he beamed at her.

“I am,” she grinned back with a nod. A tingling fluttered up in her stomach. “I think my mental health is the best it has ever been, ever,” she added with a laugh.

“I can tell,” he replied, as his smile stabbed into his cheeks. As Seren met his gaze, it was Tommy’s turn to shift his sight to his lap. “I’m really proud of you,” he told her with a nod. “I mean it, Seren.”

“Thank you,” she whispered back, feeling a lump in her throat. She forced a swallow, as he smiled back at her. A little giggle escaped her, as Seren realised the heavy pressure that was spinning in her head earlier was gone. She felt light. Her breathing calmed. Tilting her head towards Tommy, she gazed at him. He always had this effect on her. Her anxieties soothed. Her head felt as though a huge weight had been lifted. Relaxing her shoulders, she pinched her lips in.

Seren’s heart sank to her stomach. Stiffening her back, she daggered her nails into her palms as the inner corners of her eyes began to sting. A fluttering spiralled around in her stomach, as she flickered her sight to the trees in the distance. ‘What’s the point of this?’ she wondered, seeping in a breath. Focusing her attention on the dog walker in the distance, Seren sensed Tommy shuffling beside her.

“Seren…” he muttered, tapping his foot, as he scratched a hand to the back of his neck. “I… I’ve been seeing someone,” he confessed, as his forehead puckered.

“I know,” Seren sang a little higher than she wished, as she shrugged, smiling back at him.

“You know?” he muttered “How?”

“Baiden,” she replied with another shrug. When Tommy’s furrowed brow did not ease, Seren elaborated. “The guy I work with. I’ve told you about him before. He has some online business thing, where people pay him to spy people’s social media.” As Seren explained, Tommy opened his mouth to intervene. “I never paid him to do anything,” she sighed, folding her arms and flopping back against the bench. “I told you,” she grumbled, snarling her nose. “He’s the one who’s always telling me things about you. He’s part of your ‘YouTube’ community and what’s it called?” Seren sighed to herself, pressing her arms tight against her chest. “That thing,” she growled, “that encourages people to disagree… you’ve shown me. It has a dark screen and it looks like instant messenger.” Throwing Tommy a scowl, her intestines began to lather.

“You mean ‘Discord’?” he replied, his brow still lined with confusion.

“Yeah, that,” Seren muttered. “He’s spying on you. I didn’t tell him to or ask him to!” she exclaimed, shaking her head, as the knotting in her stomach squeezed her tight. “He’s been doing it for ages – even when we were together,” she went on as her eyebrows slanted together. “He’d know when we’d spent time together or he’d know things he couldn’t possibly know about you or us, because I’d never told him.”

Seeing Tommy’s daggered glare and flared nostrils sent a shudder down Seren’s spine. She sniffed. Her heart trembled in her chest. Her eyes stung. A shaky breath escaped her, as she clenched her fists. “Anyway,” she went on, staring at her shoes, shaking Tommy’s angered expression from the front of her mind. “He’s the one that told me you’re with someone else.” Seren’s attention flickered back towards her ex, as Tommy shuddered beside her. His mouth dropped. The colour drained from his face. Staring at a spot on the ground, he cursed under his breath. Seren flinched. Tommy’s eyes darted towards her.

“What else did he say?” Tommy muttered. Keeping his head low, he glared up at her. Forcing herself to swallow, Seren hunched her back. The knotting at her stomach squeezed her intestines tighter. Gripping her biceps, she clawed her nails into them.

“Only that she stays over at your house almost every night,” Seren muttered with a sniff. Gazing at the grass, her vision blurred. “I guess she moved in for lockdown.” Twisting herself away from him, Seren exhaled a shaky breath as her chest trembled. “Oh, and congratulations by the way,” she sniffed, her voice a squeak. “Baiden said you got engaged. I know it was weeks ago now.”

“Wait! What?!” he fumed. “No!” he spat. “No! No! And no!” he raged, balling his hands into fists. “I’m not engaged,” he declared. “Who the,” he cursed through his teeth, “is this guy? What’s his username?” Tommy demanded. Hunching forward, he jabbed his elbows into his knees

“I don’t know,” Seren squealed, shaking. “He must have hundreds – he catfishes people all the time.” Her chest trembled. Sniffing, a squeak escaped her.

The colour drained from Tommy’s face as he swore under his breath. Clawing his hands through his hair, he cursed again. “Seren,” he sighed, flopping back against the bench. “I’m sorry you’ve had t’ put up with this,” another swear word left his mouth. “And for my language,” he added, turning towards her. “I know you hate it.” Poking the right corner of her mouth up, Seren shrugged at him. Twisting his body around to face her, Tommy jabbed his right elbow into the back of the bench and gripped his wrist with his left hand. “Look…” he went on. “I wanted to tell you,” he confessed with a swallow. “I thought you had the right to know.” His right foot tapped an agitated bounce, as he stared at the space between them. “But I wanted to wait… until I was sure. I owe you that much.” Pinching her lips in, Seren nodded. “Her name’s Aayizah. She’s amazing,” Tommy let out a long, happy sigh. Tightening her grip around her arms, Seren shimmied herself out of Tommy’s line of sight as her bottom lip trembled. “I met her at work. She’s got a heart of gold,” he went on. “She’s so kind to everyone. She goes out of her way to help people. She’ll speak to anyone.” Seren shuddered as her heart sank to her stomach. Pinching her eyes tight, she sniffed. “She’s fallen out with her family and hasn’t got many friends,” Tommy told her, as if this justified his reason for breaking her heart. “We just clicked straight away. She makes me want to do things with my life and go places.”

The excitement and warmth in Tommy’s voice, caused another squeak to escape Seren as she sniffed. Her vision blurred. A salty sting filtered into her eyes. Stiffening her shoulders, she arched her head in Tommy’s direction, bearing a big smile. ‘He really likes her,’ she realised. ‘He’s so happy.’ She gripped a hand to her stomach as the knotting returned.

“Aayizah met my family yesterday too,” Tommy told her, as a smile prodded into the left corner of his mouth. Feeling her heart flop to her stomach, Seren’s brown puckered. “My brother held a family barbeque in his garden. You know, with social distancing and everything,” he told her, seeing Seren’s frown.

“Wow,” Seren muttered, staring at a cluster of daisies. “That must have been nice. Did they all really like her?” she asked through sparkling eyes, as she turned her head to face him.

“They did,” he beamed, grinning back at her. Flickering her sight back to the daisies, Seren forced a swallow. “It’s great to finally meet someone I can introduce to my mum and dad.”

“She must be really special,” Seren murmured, her chest trembling.

“Yeah,” agreed Tommy with a dreamy sigh. “She is.”

With a shudder, Tommy turned his attention back to Seren. Hunched up on the edge of the bench, she had twisted herself away from him. He flickered his sight to the space on the bench between them, before returning his eyes back to her. A sad smile prodded into his cheek. “What about you, Seren?” he asked her. “I hate to think of you being alone. Are you seeing anyone?” Pinching her lips in, Seren shook her head, keeping her stare fixed on the daisies. “Seren,” he sighed, as his shoulders sunk. “I don’t want you to dwell on us forever.”

“I’m not,” she replied, her voice quieter than she had hoped. Shrugging, she prodded her smile from the right corner of her mouth to the left, as she turned towards him. “I was kind of seeing someone,” Seren told him. Tommy’s eyes widened as his back shot up straight. “We only spoke online, but I do know him though,” Seren added. “Our paths have crossed a few times, at uni and work.” Returning her gaze to the daisies, her heart gave a twinge “I don’t know,” she sighed, gripping her left elbow with her right hand as she stiffened her shoulders. “We started talking online every day. He’d ask how my day was and he’d try and make me laugh… and we have a lot in common. I dunno,” she shrugged, scrunching up her nose. “I just didn’t feel anything towards him…if anything I felt stressed thinking that I had to talk to him and then I’d feel guilty,” she muttered as her brow puckered. “Then he brought up his illness and I started to panic.” The drumming in her chest beat louder. “I was scared that if I kept it going any longer and he got sicker that I’d look like a monster for leaving him or people would think I only left him because he was sick… so I’d end out stuck with him… and that made me feel even worse.” Sinking down the bench, Seren lowered her chin to her chest. Her pulse pounded. Her insides swirled. She forced another swallow. To mask the pain, she folded her arms, pressing them tight into her stomach. “I pictured myself being with him and feeling miserable, but faking everything was fine, whilst I waited and waited for him to… to die.” Forcing a swallow, Seren shuddered. “And that sounds horrible!” she cried. “I didn’t want that – and it wouldn’t be fair on him.” The crashing in her chest shuddered to a deep thud. Thumping her palms into the seat of the bench, she pushed herself back up. With a straight posture, she seeped in a shaky breath. “I just told him I needed some time alone, because of lockdowns stuff – which was true,” she added as her eyes widened. “We haven’t spoken since,” she muttered with a shrug. “But I feel so much better for it.” A laugh escaped her, and a smile prodded itself into the right corner of her mouth.

Stretching a hand out along the bench, Tommy’s sad smile remained, as he asked her, “How long did it last?”

“A couple of months,” Seren muttered with a shrug. “I was in a really bad, needy, clingy place,” Seren confessed as she stared at his hand. “I craved attention from anyone… and he gave it to me, but as I started to feel better,” swallowing she shrugged. “It just didn’t feel right.”

Flickering her sight to Tommy, Seren felt their eyes lock. The drumming inside her stopped. The tightness in her stomach recoiled. Shaking her head at his pity smile, she found her strength again. Shifting her sight from his, her smile returned. “I’m in a really strong, confident place right now,” she told him with a nod, as she stared at the ground. “I don’t need anyone to make me feel wanted or special or whatever. I’m perfectly happy as I am.” She giggled, hearing herself say this out loud. “I don’t need anyone to help me feel good about myself, because I already feel it.” As Seren’s giggling smile caught Tommy’s eye, he grinned back at her.

“You’re always surprising me, Seren,” he beamed at her. Blushing, she shifted her focus back to the daisies.

Fidgeting, Seren tugged at the heart pendant that hung from her necklace chain. “You still have the locket I gave you,” Tommy smiled, seeing Seren drag the heart back and forth.

“I’m sorry,” Seren muttered, clasping the locket tight. “I haven’t worn it since you broke up with me, I promise.” Her brow slanted. The thumping at her chest returned. Her stomach swirled. Straightening her back, she turned towards him and confessed, “I don’t know what possessed me to put it on this morning,” shaking her head, a nervous laugh escaped her. “I haven’t looked inside it. I promise I haven’t.”

“Don’t worry about it,” he told her with a shrug. “It suits you.”

“Thank you,” she muttered, dropping her sight to her lap. “But I shouldn’t have put it on.” Her chest shuddered. “I need to give it you back,” she told him with a sudden shudder. Reaching her trembling hands behind her neck, Seren’s fingers fumbled with the clasp.

“No, don’t be silly, Seren,” Tommy told her with a smile.

“You gave it me so whenever I felt lonely, I just had to look inside, and I’d have you with me,” she said, staring at her lap, as her eyes sparkled. “I can’t have this anymore,” she told him shaking her head.

“Seren,” Tommy sighed. “I don’t want it back.” Meeting his gaze, her bottom lip quivered. “And it really does look nice on you.”

His kind words caused her stomach to lather. Pinching her lips in, she closed her eyes, inhaling a shaky breath. “Tommy,” she squeaked. “Thank you for everything you ever did for me,” she told him with a sniff. “I really mean it.” She nodded, pinching her lips in as she smiled. “I wouldn’t be who I am right now if it wasn’t for you. You taught me to be brave… and stand up for myself. You gave me confidence and made me feel good about myself.”

“Don’t be silly, Seren,” he warned her, as he gave a slight shake of his head. “You did all that yourself,” he told her, as he pointed at her. “Don’t go giving me the credit; we both know I don’t deserve it.”

“But I wouldn’t have known where to start if it wasn’t for all of the kindness you showed me,” she told him. “You made me see that I could do these things and I wouldn’t have had a clue where to start without you.” Clasping her locket, she squeezed her eyes tight. “For the first time ever, I’m strong, confident, brave… well, except for right now, I’m a babbling mess,” Seren squeaked. She let out a nervous laugh as her cheeks dampened. She sniffed. “I’m sorry,” she murmured, running a shaky hand under her eye. “I didn’t mean to get upset… I just wanted you to know that I’m grateful for the four years you put up with me.”

“Oowh,” he sighed. “I wish I could hug you,” Tommy muttered, seeing Seren’s eyes sparkle. His mouth prodded down in the corners as he gazed back at her.

Seren’s heart leapt, crashing against her ribcage. A warmth engulfed her, as the memory of Tommy scooping her up and holding her tight on his lap tingled to the front of her mind. Embracing the memory of his hugs, the safety and comfort she used to feel as she cuddled up against him washed over her. Her anxiety drained. The heavy pressure, that was a constant weight on her head, lifted. She was light. She was free. Pinching her eyes tight, she trembled. Clawing her nails into her palms, she wished with all her might that this memory could manifest itself. A shudder crept down her spine and a sigh escaped her as the rules of social distancing flashed to the front of her mind. ‘He has a girlfriend,’ she scolded herself. ‘Stop being silly!’ Her chest jittered as she turned to face him.

“I wish I could hug you too,” she squeaked, rubbing a hand to her eye. “Everything always feels calmer, whenever I’m with you,” she confessed. “Even today. It’s like you carry a sense of serenity with you,” she laughed with a sniff. He forced a smile at her. Flickering his sight to his lap, he shrugged.

Allowing a silent pause to pass between them, Seren sucked in a shaky breath. “I know this sounds stupid,” Seren told him with a nervous giggle, “but I wished on a star last night.”

“If anyone’s allowed to wish on stars, it’s you, Seren,” he chuckled. Tilting her head to the side, her brow puckered. “Seren means star, doesn’t it? See, I remember things,” he grinned. She allowed herself another giggle as she smiled back at him. “Did your wish come true?” he asked.

“I think so,” she muttered, fiddling with the hem of her dress. Prodding the right corner of her mouth up, Seren gazed at Tommy. Her stomach fluttered with an explosion on butterflies. ‘I wished to see you again,’ her mind squeaked.

*

On the stroll back through the park, Seren and Tommy walked in silence. The twisting and knotting in Seren’s stomach was gone. With her straightened posture returned, her arms swung at her sides once more. Approaching the entrance, Tommy slowed his pace to a stop and turning towards Seren told her, “I really enjoyed that.”

“Me too,” she whispered with a nod.

“Sorry I left it so long,” he muttered with a shrug. “Maybe we can do this again sometimes?” he suggested. “Soon?”

“We’ll see,” Seren mumbled as her heart panged. She dropped her sight to her shoes.

“I’d like to Seren,” Tommy told her, as his voice box croaked. “You mean a lot to me.”

“We’ll see,” she whispered through teary eyes, staring back at him. Her chest trembled as she forced a swallow.

“Okay,” he whispered back with a nod. “Take care.”

“You too,” she beamed. With one final nod, Tommy gave a wave, before departing through the park entrance, turning left. As Seren turned right, the heavy pressure in her head returned. The weight flickered at her eyelids. A thumping inside her ribcage tugged at her heart. She sniffed in an attempt to shake it off. A smile prodded into her right cheek, as she arched her head over her shoulder. Spinning on her toes, she turned back, watching as Tommy’s silhouette grew smaller. “Thank you,” she whispered, clasping her locket tight.

- Josie -