I
need someone out there, in the universe, to help me. I have been at my current
job for four months, now. I thought that things were going well, that is, until
last week. Now, I hate being at work so much that it is making me suicidal. So,
when I first started working at my current job, despite it being way below what
I am worth, I felt as though it was the best place that I have ever worked,
because the people were all nice. I felt as though I had a good relationship
with my supervisor and manager, and the people in the office are the nicest
people I have ever worked for. Now, this is far from perfect, obviously, it is
a law firm, which although it is not like my previous law firm, who still
followed the ways of doing things from the eighties, it is still far from what
I would call a normal office – staff do not realise how privileged they are to
be receiving free tea, coffee, sugar, milk, refreshments in meeting rooms,
notepads, sticky notes, pens, other office stationery and batteries for the
company's wireless computer keyboard and mouse.
Last week on Thursday
was my team's team-bonding meal, after work. We had been emailed a link to the
restaurant's menu a few days prior and were asked to select our food
beforehand. I had mentioned to my manager that I was uncomfortable with this,
as it is my understanding that UK law states that all restaurants must list the
calorie count beside each item on the menu. The restaurant that we were going
to, however, did not. The day before my team and I were due to go to the
restaurant, my supervisor asked me if I was going, as I had not emailed her
with my food choice yet, to which I replied, "I don't know." Before I
could explain myself, she snapped, "So, that's a no," and has not
treated me the same since.
To begin with, she acted
as though she was ignoring me, and going out of her way to make conversation
with others, as loud as possible, right next to me. I ignored her behaviour and
carried on with my day. Work became busy, although part of me felt as though
certain tasks were left for me to do on purpose, rather than being shared, I
did not think too much of it and I worked through my lunch break to ensure that
everything was completed on time. Thursday came by and I felt as though I was
being treated similar to that of the previous day. Again, I did not mind, much,
either way. If someone wants to behave childishly, I will let them. I am not
interested and do not want to get involved with immature people. I had to work
over, at the end of the day. A task had been left, which I know could have been
started before I got around to it, but again, it was fine, everyone else was
probably looking forward to the team meal. I was happy to work over, to get the
job finished, so that everyone else could leave on time. It was around fifteen
or twenty minutes after I should have finished, and my supervisor and manager
both appeared in the area where I was working. In front of my manager, my
supervisor said to me, "I was just checking on Josette," in an incredibly
patronising and condescending tone. That got me incredibly angry. Since this
moment, almost every single time she has interacted with me, it has been in the
most vile, patronising, condescending, disrespectful tone. That is the single,
most worst, thing a person can do to me – speak to me in that way. I can't
stand it, I really, really, really can't. The way that she is speaking
to me is making me feel so suicidal. I have cried every single day, hiding in
the toilets. It makes me feel so angry that I want to scream at the top of my
voice, "Stop it!" I keep trying to ignore her and distance myself
from her, and part of me hopes that she will just speak normally to me again,
but so far, no luck.
Speaking to me in a
patronising, condescending, disrespectful way is the worst thing you can do to
me. I have been spoken to in this way a handful of times, in my working career,
and trust me, I never forget a single person who has spoken to me that way, nor
am I ever able to trust that person ever again. Usually, it stops after the
one, or two, times and the person returns to speaking to me normally. So, why
is this one getting worse? Is she after a retaliation? I keep ignoring her, but
it is upsetting me so much that I have started speaking sharply towards her,
because if I do not, I will cry, and I do not want my supervisor to see me
crying, because of her. Do you think if I scream, "Stop it!" on a
day, where the office is full, she might get the picture and, actually, stop
it?
I cannot speak to my
manager about it or go to HR. This is the golden child. Little Miss Perfect.
After seeing a recent LinkedIn post, I know no one will believe me. I feel like
I need to record her every single time she comes near me, as evidence, but with
my experience in law firms, HR will just turn around and say, "That's just
how she is." Yes, she may just decide that this is how she wants to speak
to me from now, but it is making me suicidal. I tried to suffocate myself on
Monday morning, so that I did not have to come into work. While it was raining,
on Tuesday, I stood at the top floor of the Bullring and looked down, over the
railing to the ground floor, and thought about how easy it would be for me to
just tip myself over the railing. I am at the point of self-harming if it does
not stop.
Please, can someone, anyone,
out there help me? Is there anything that I can do? Or is this the universe
telling me that it is time for me to move on from this job?
- Josie -
