Flag Rant

Why are people so proud to be racist, scary, horrible people? Why do people think they are being clever, when they entice fear in others? I live alone, but lucky for me, no one on my road is racist, homophobic, transphobic or anything a-phobic. Or if they are, they keep their opinions to themselves and do not threaten the rest of the community or demand that everyone else must follow their beliefs, like some crazed cult leader. My problem is that, although, I live in a nice area, I am on the next road over from the boarder of the Birmingham catchment area. The first two roads that I have to walk down, after I leave my road, on my way to work, every day, are lined with Union Jacks and St George’s Crosses. I guess, the numbskulls who hung the flags, at the very least, hung the Union Jacks the correct way up. I have heard from a few colleagues that, where they live, the idiots responsible for the flags hung them all upside down. Well, I guess they are in distress, because their masculinity feels threatened, so maybe we should give them the benefit of the doubt.

Walking down those two roads, before 6am, five days a week, and after 5pm every evening, really do not make me feel safe at all. I carry a personal alarm with me, but still, knowing that the area is so racist, and thug-like, really makes me feel uncomfortable. I have a five mile walk to and from work as it is, and the only way to avoid these two roads, would be to walk in the opposite direction, which would make my walk to work almost seven miles, which, to me, just feels very stupid to decide to opt for a walk to work that takes an extra two mile walk, but I am wondering whether I should start walking that way. Nowhere else on my walk has any flags. It is just the first two roads that start the Birmingham area off, from where I live.

Now, this complaint is coming from a white, British female. I feel threatened and I fit the racists’ Nazi-like ideologies. Did no one learn anything from Hitler’s World War II? Nobody? I know a lot of the racists flying these flags don’t have a secondary school education, but, scarily, some of them do. I don’t even think that the majority of these racist, flag bearers have a single piece of human decency. Take the guy who is head of the anti-Islam campaign and one of the UK's most prominent far-right activists. He goes by the name Tommy Robinson, probably because he believes it sounds more racist than his actual name. The merchandise that he is selling is made by the people that he is being racist against. This makes me so very angry! How is this man able to get away with the things that he does and says? I know that he has had court appearances, but he is essentially the new Hitler and must be stopped before he causes a civil war, in the UK.

I have said several times that I would really like to take down the Union Jacks and St George’s Crosses and replace them all with the LGBTQ flag. To me, that flag represents safety, peace and belonging. That community is full of very friendly, respectful and supportive people. It is my community. I bet all of the racist people would feel threatened then, because racist people, also seem to be homophobic too and transphobic. I honestly have no idea why. The LGBTQ+ community are not a cult, trying to convert every straight person into being gay. We are not choosing to be different. Nor is this a new trend. There have always been gay, bisexual, asexual, demisexual etc. people. It is just taken until now, for us to be allowed to not feel terrified to exist, or that there is something wrong with us. My mum’s dad was a drag queen in the 70s, and they had to hide it, in fear that they would lose their job. People shouldn’t have to live in fear of who they are or who they have feelings for, and who they don’t have feels for. The LGBTQ+ community is not out there, forcing people to not be straight, they are there to support people who aren’t sure, or who know they aren’t straight and need some support, as their family or friends might not understand. They are there as friends and allies for those who share the same feelings and ideologies. Why can’t I take down the flags that only stand for racism and that were put up specifically to spread fear by thugs, and replace them with a flag that represents a community full of so many positive messages. The world has come so far, especially since the internet, which has helped the LGBTQ+ community grow strong and be understood. We are able to reach so many positive communities, make friends with people and share happiness, peace and friendship. Isn’t that the message that the UK should be spreading? We aren’t racist thugs, who want to kill anyone who doesn’t have ten generations, plus, of British heritage. What kind of lesson does this teach future generations?

I am pleased to see that the local council painted over the red cross that was made on the white roundabout, near me, but I dare say that my local council painted over this, and not Birmingham, who are the ones to blame for the flags, near me anyway. At least that is progress. Solihull, also, held their very first pride parade this year, and although I was really sad that I was unable to go, because I was unwell, it is so exciting to see all of the photos from the event, and how it brought so many people together.

My partner said something that I find very interesting, as it was not something I have thought about before. He said that as people get older, there is a higher probability that they become less inclusive of others/more close-minded, and this age-change of viewpoints can happen from as early as their thirties. This has got me a little worried about possibly losing the few friends that I do have, as we are all in our mid-to-late thirties/early forties, so what if one of them suddenly decides to become a completely different person overnight. It also helped me to come to terms with a person, from my past, who severely changed their political viewpoints over the last ten years, from neutral with slight left-wing tendencies, to far right political beliefs. I had, always, thought that he was influenced by his sunflower, but maybe his age led him astray. It’s always heartbreaking to see someone you once cared so much for, turn into the type of person that you hate.

I really do hope that Birmingham council see sense, stop the racists, and take the flags down soon, so it feels safe to walk to work again, and just go for a walk in general.

 

- Josie -

 

Stop Romanticising Autism

I hate how everyone seems to be romanticising autism at the moment. It isn’t a nice thing to have, nor is it a choice. It isn’t something that you can turn on and off, like some popular craze. It is a horrible thing to live with every single day. There is no magic pill that eases symptoms. Earplugs don’t work with sever sensory autism. Noise cancelling headphones barely do much. I do not chose to get stressed and overwhelmed with noise, until I am either frozen to the spot with fear or so drained that even with eight hours sleep, I am still so drained it feels like I never went to sleep.

Real sensory autism is like having a spreadsheet open for every, individual sound, light, smell, temperature/draught, creak, hum, including my heartbeat and breathing, the person next to me’s breathing all open at the same time. Loud sounds, flashing lights or anything attention-seeking is like that spreadsheet is flashing constantly in my brain, using up my CPU. Even when the annoyance stops, I have the residual replaying in my mind – sometimes for over an hour, and if this is a sound, it is usually accompanied by ear ringing.

After the overwhelming thing has stopped, the only way to feel okay again is to go to sleep, and a nap doesn’t count. I need at least eight hours sleep or I do not recover.

Panicking, shortness of breath, paranoia, crying, screaming on the spot uncontrollably if it is incredibly bad (and yes, I have experienced this a couple of times), loss of appetite, severe dehydration, usually accompany it and extreme exhaustion to the point of almost falling asleep on the spot, can happen too. Oh and I found out a few months ago that my fainting is an autism side effect too.

I am currently experiencing an overwhelming episode/sensory overload so bad, due to work, that even after a week since the overload occurred, I am still so tired and drained – and I slept for 11 hours one of the weekend days. And now it has been re-triggered again today.

Autism isn’t just wearing tinted glasses in extreme bright lights, like in supermarkets or wearing headphones to listen to music to dim the noise. Autism isn’t a fashion trend. I hate having to wear my tinted, migraine glasses when I go into a supermarket, in case I faint. I don’t feel comfortable wearing my noise cancelling headphones in loud places, in a desperate attempt to dim the sound just a smidge, so that I don’t become rooted to the spot, too scared to move and possibly scream.

I have learnt so much about how my brain works, what triggers things and how to ease symptoms, over the past five years. I absolutely hate how all of these sensory things affect me in my day to day life. I am not choosing to not like bright lights. I am not choosing to dislike loud noises. I walk nine miles every day, because my autism prevents me from comfortably travelling on the bus. I commuted by bus for two months last year, for two hours a day, and I could not function during my working day, because the experience was too overwhelming for me. I wasn’t magically better once I got off the bus, or even a few minutes later. I don’t walk 4.5 miles every morning and evening because I want to, I do it because I have to.

I know that because I am female, I run the risk of hearing, “Grow up,” or, “Get help,” or some sort of snide, nasty remark, whereas if I was male, people would be praising my words and I would probably be nominated for some sort of blog award. Being autistic and female is the same as being autistic and male. Where I work, I have a colleague and we have a very similar autism. He is currently off sick, because he recognises that he needed a week off, because he has reached a severe point of overwhelm. People praise him for recognising that he needed to step away. When I did this, a little over a year ago, everyone kept speaking down to me, saying that I was being pathetic and couldn’t cope.

I’m not asking for praise or anything stupid like that. I just want the world to stop thinking that it is cool or the next trend to say that you have autism. Yes, I am very pleased to know that this is what I have, because it has helped me make a whole lot of sense as to who I am and why my brain/body reacts the way it does to certain things. It has helped me to cut out people who can’t be supportive. But under no circumstance would I ever choose to have the thing that is wrong with my brain, if I could help it. I hate feeling drained and tired all of the time. I hate getting upset, panicky and frozen over loud noises. If I could take a magic pill and adjust my brain so that I didn’t have to wear noise cancelling headphones and tinted glasses, I would. I’m not proud that I have to do this to survive.

Stop romanticising autism. Stop praising males who have it, but labelling females who do as pathetic and, “She can’t cope.”

 

- Josie -

People Who Take Everything Negatively

I had a comment on my blog, a short while ago, that reminded me of someone that can be incredibly frustrating. Why? Because they always take everything that I say negatively, despite everything I say being positive. I am in a great place, mentally, with a great group of supportive friends in my life. The problem with writing, text messages and emails is that you only understand 7% of the writer’s intentions. The remainder of someone’s intent belongs to their tone of voice, facial expressions, hand gestures, body positioning etc. Everything written can be interpreted multiple ways. If you are in a positive frame of mind, you tend to interpret things in a positive way, like I try to. If you are always in a defensive or negative mindset, you will always interpret text as such.

I wonder if this commenter is the person who I was thinking of, who always took everything the wrong way. I am referring to my old supervisor, from the job that I recently left, who always interpreted, “I don’t know,” as me meaning, “No.” If this is you, I am not angry at you or hurt by your comment. Even if the commenter is not her, I am still not angry or hurt by your comment. If you are in need of someone to talk to, it is okay to reach out. I am here for you, or anyone who needs a friend or just someone to talk to or to rant to. If it helps you to feel better by taking your day out on me, then I am happy to be that person for you, so that you can vent, let off some steam and not let it effect your friendships and relationships.

And if you are reading this, please do try to remember, you only understand 7% of text. Before you leave a rude comment, or send a text message or email someone back using a manipulative, “Suit yourself,” or judgemental words, please take a deep breath, before becoming a keyboard warrior. Inhale for four seconds, through your nose. Hold your breath for seven seconds. Then press the tip of your tongue to the fleshy part behind your two front teeth, and exhale through your mouth, making a breathy sound through your tongue, for eight seconds. And a inhale, through your nose, for four seconds. Hold your breath for seven seconds. Then exhale through your mouth, for eight seconds. You can repeat that 4-7-8 breathing exercise for as long as you feel you need to. I find that it always reduces by heart’s bpm, whenever I feel a little frustrated, with only a few tries.

Now, re-read over what triggered you. Can you try to see it from a different perspective? If you are struggling, sometimes, getting a friend to see their point-of-view can be beneficial too. I used to work with someone who took everything that her boyfriend text her, and even a lot of what he said, as negative. She was about to breakup with him, because she felt like every conversation that they had, he was trying to upstage her. Every time she had a rant, I helped her to see things from the other perspective. I made her see that he was never trying to upstage her, only sympathise with her. Ten years later, they are married, with children and own their own home.

Please think before you respond to someone in a negative way. I try really hard to go out of my way to help everyone that I meet and make people happy. It is really important to me to spread happiness and positive thoughts to everyone that you meet. You never know if someone is having a bad day and all it can take is your comment to push that person over the edge, to make them do something dark and/or dangerous. Could you live with yourself if you found out that your hurtful comment caused someone to end their own life?

Please think before you respond to someone in a negative way. Try to find the positive.

- Josie -