I’m not dead yet. I still have no gas or electricity. Mum found out from a neighbour that the gas pre-payment meter is behind the washing machine and I need to hire someone to unplumb and replumb the washing machine every single time the gas needs topping up and it can’t be topped up with more than £90. The electricity pre-payment meter is behind a communal door that the leaseholder (the local council) do not, under any circumstance, ever allow any resident to have access to the electric meters – apparently everyone has lock-picking kits or they have to book Friday’s of work and hope that they can catch the communal staircase cleaner and ask the cleaner for permission to see their own electricity meter, but some of the cleaners don't allow you to see it because the council told them they aren't allowed to allow access to them. I reconnected the water myself and the shower started to pour with water, so I disconnected it. A plumber came out yesterday and said the entire shower needs replacing, the toilet pipe needs repairing, the radiators pipes leak and the water mains is leaking. He turned the water back on and two pipes in the attic burst and water has leaked through the ceiling. I already needed the entire ceiling in the living room re-taped/pinned, now I need the bedroom ceiling replaced too. The plumber said that the boiler is so dangerous that under no circumstance can I turn it on, which is why the estate agent wouldn’t let me get it serviced. All of the problems that I know need fixing will cost £15,500 (that's on top of the £3,000 I have already spent) and I don’t have that money. The gas pipes might need all replacing too – we won’t know for certain until I can get gas and electricity - that's more money. I need a new front door, I need new floor, I need curtains or blinds or something on the windows, I won’t be able to afford to paint the walls. Oh and I don’t have any keys to open the windows either. Self harming is the only way I am getting through, because I don’t want my maisonette anymore and I don’t want to exist. I can’t cope and I wish I had never tired in the first place. This is the biggest mistake of my entire life.