Dream - 17th April

(Josie Sayz: Last night, I had a very peculiar dream. I woke up in the middle of the night, having had a very brief dream. I haven’t dreamt like this in a long time. I will write my dream in the form of a story, in the universe of my ‘Jane Chronicles’ characters.)

 

As Jane’s eyes fluttered open, she found herself sat at a round, pinewood table, with a mug of steaming olive, coloured liquid in front of her. A frown furrowed her brow, as she examined the mug’s image, depicting an illustration of a cat in space. Her nose snarled, as seeing this image reminded Jane of a person from her past, Wendy. Shuddering, Jane pushed all memories of Wendy from her mind and looked up at her surroundings. A window, to Jane’s left, illuminated the room with sunlight. Beneath the window lay a row of kitchen counters, with a sink in the centre. As Jane looked ahead, her cheeks blushed bright and a lump leapt into her throat. Sat on the opposite side of the table from her was Peter Pan. Inhaling a nervous breath, Jane’s lips parted, as she gazed at the man she had not seen in years. Peter leant forward, with his hands around his ‘Life Begins at 30’ mug, full of black coffee, with a kind smile on his face.

“So, Jane, how have you been? It’s been a while,” he said, with a soft smirk. Jane felt the heat rise to her cheeks, and a smile spread across her face, as she gazed back at him. Although a considerable period of time that had passed since the two has last seen each other, Peter had not changed a day. His dark chocolate brown hair remained deep and vibrant, and it still curled in the same way that it always did, with no signs of greying or receding. No lines creased under his eyes or curved around his cheeks. His stubbled cheeks looked the same as they always had. Despite being a few months shy of forty, Peter still looked the same as he did ten years ago, when they had first met. A shudder crept up Jane’s spine, as she felt as though she had aged a fair deal during their time apart, and felt almost unrecognisable. She was consciously aware of the dark circles beneath her eyes, the lines that creased her cheeks and how her hair had receded up her forehead as she continued to lose it from stress. Lowering her sight to her hands on the table, Jane focused on the silver ring, with a deep olive, peridot, on her ring finger. Her chest tightened. She sniffed, feeling the inner corners of her eyes sting a little.

“A lot has changed, Peter,” Jane replied, as she found her voice. Her throat grew tight, and she wrapped her hands around her biceps, pulling her arms tight to her chest. Pinching her lips in, Jane looked over at Peter, expecting to feel fear, seeing anger and hatred for her in his eyes, but instead she felt her heart melt, as a warm, caring smile spread across his face. Jane’s eyebrows slanted together and she relaxed her shoulder blades, not realising that she had been tensing them.

“I’d love to hear what you’ve been up to,” Peter said, with a soft chuckle to his voice. Smiling back at him, Jane hugged her hands around the mug in front of her, as she found herself getting lost in Peter’s deep brown eyes with little green flecks in them.

- Josie -

Change

I don’t like change. I never have. I need to have a routine. It wasn’t until I was 28 years old, and my long-term partner broke up with me that I discovered I was on the autism spectrum. Before I could get officially diagnosed, Covid hit, then when things returned to normal there was a four-year backlog for appointments. I decided that I don’t need a doctor to tell me that my brain thinks different to those around me, and amongst many things, really struggles with change.

The past six months, at my workplace, have been tough. The talk of change and moving locations has been constant. “We’re moving in a few weeks,” has been the constant hearsay, since the end of November. First, we were moving in time for Christmas, then it was early January, then by the latest the middle of March. The constant thought of not knowing whether we would be moving offices that day was enough to make me feel uneasy, without all of the other difficult things that were happening within the company.

Several electrician visits, arguments with the landlord and an ant infestation later, we will actually be moving offices on Monday. The location of our current office is only 0.3 miles away from my house. I have been with the company two years, as an administrator. Everyone who works there was hired on the basis that they live in a walking distance to the office and do not drive, as there is no parking. We are now moving three miles away, to a location that is not near a train station or close to a bus stop. One of the positives to taking this job two years ago was that after years of an hour commute to and from work, I would finally have my life back – that was defiantly not the reason as to why I left my old job, but it was a reason as to why I accepted the job and stopped my job immediate job search. I knew straight away that the job was not the right fit for me, but I desperately needed to leave my previous employer and the fact that this job was literally right up the road was a good enough reason to stay.

About nine months ago, there were talks of changing my job role and something happened within the company that resulted in me taking up the position of complaints handler. Not only was this a big change for me, but I struggle with confrontation. I don’t just mean that I dislike it. I’m on the Asperger’s Spectrum, but not the type of Asperger’s that doesn’t understand feelings. I have, what I like to call, the “Asperger’s Uno-Reverse Card.” I feel emotions stronger than the average person. Every single emotion is constantly fighting to take the forefront of my brain. As well as this, my emotional state feeds off the energy in the room. If I just hear a negative conversation, I feel like I have been the one that was being screamed at, and I will a mess for several hours – often it can make me feel so bad that I won’t get over it until I go to sleep. Having customers shout, scream and be incredibly rude down the phone to me, for weeks, made me want to leave. I started looking for other jobs, I had a couple of interviews, but nothing became of them. Then the complaints stopped, so I stopped forcing the change, and stopped applying to jobs.

As we got closer to the initial office move date, the company’s production slowed, and the complaints returned. Between December and February things got so bad, at work, that I tried to end my life on multiple occasions. I started applying to hundreds of jobs a week, stating on every single application that I am not allowed to have my phone turned on at work. I received voicemail after voice mail asking me to call back between 9am and 5pm (I work from 8am until 5pm) and a handful of emails, saying that they are trying to call me and to phone them back between 9am and 5pm – often shorter hours than that.

The force to bring change to my routine has been strong, but it terrifies me at the same time. Due to not being allowed to have my mobile phone on at work, I have only been able to attend four interviews since December. I had my last interview last week on Wednesday, where the interviewer told me that he felt I was way too overqualified for the job that I was applying for and said that I should be an Office Manager or at the very least a Team Leader, and scolded my current employer for ignoring all of my training courses and qualifications. That gave me a little confidence to try going for other jobs, and I have found two office Team Leader positions to apply to since. I have a second interview tomorrow with that same company. I really am hoping this is the one, despite it being a little less money. It is something that I am good at, and has the opportunity to progress within the company, whereas where I am is mentally unstimulating and there is no way to progress or do anything at all other than my entry level position that an school leaver could do. It will involve getting the train, but I will only have a 15 minute walk to the station, a 15 minute train journey and a 1 minute walk once I get off the train the other end. If I am fortunate enough to get this job, I may find out on Monday. On Monday, my current job, will actually be moving offices to a location that is three miles away. If I get the job, I will have to hand in a month’s notice, and I won’t be entitled to any days off, because our holiday allowance renewed on 1^st April and we only get two weeks holiday a year, because our holiday allowance is used to automatically book off all of the bank holidays. When someone left the company last September, they were told that there not entitled to take any annual leave, because even though they hadn’t booked any, we had been off on: Good Friday, Easter Monday, Early May Bank Holiday, The Coronation, Late May Bank Holiday and the Summer Bank holiday.

If I am lucky enough to get this job, there will be a lot of change happening all at once. I will have my current job’s office move, the change in how everyone will treat me once I hand my notice in, the change of moving jobs, a new location, a new company, new people, new responsibilities, new expectation. I feel overwhelmed just thinking about it.

I struggle not being the one in control of my life. That’s why I hate being in a relationship, because someone else’s decisions will impact my life. Someone else’s decisions are in control of my life, my future. You put your hope, faith and trust in another person. You believe them when they ask you to trust them, and say that you can move in with them, you just have to give them time to discuss things with their housemate, you just have to trust them. So, you do, only for them to tell you the very next day that they don’t feel anything towards you and you might as well be a stranger on the street. It took a lot for me to place my trust in that other person, to know that all of my struggles in my living situation would soon be over, and I would finally have peace and be with someone that makes me feel safe and I would actually be able to be free and be me. I couldn’t do that on my own – I couldn’t then, and I am still not financially able to now. Everyone I work with says that they would still be living at home if they weren’t married (I am one of the oldest people in my work place and the only person who isn’t married). My entire world was going to finally be okay, but they took it all away from me. Nothing in their home-life would change, but mine was completely destroyed… and I never found out why. That moment had caused a phobia within me, when I am not in control of my life, when change happens that is out of my control. I have ended relationships because of knowing that they would have that control over my life, because they could choose to end things and my entire life would change, but their life wouldn’t be any different, they would just replace me with someone else a couple of weeks later, as though the last four years together meant absolutely nothing. If I end the relationship, I am in control. Regardless of how much I like the person, I break up with them, before they can lead me on for years and years, only to reveal that they never felt anything towards me, despite reassuring me that I’m the one over and over.

I am so much happier when I am not dating or in a relationship, because I am the one that is in control of my life. I am not in control of the decision of my job interview. I am not in control of my current job’s office move. And I am definitely not in control of anything in my working day, because everything gets changed, moved and I am constantly spied on by my manager. Home is no better. I have a horrible teenage next-door neighbour who constantly bangs on the wall and scratches her nails along it, cackling. She places her phone on the wall, to vibrate constantly throughout the night. She sets an alarm in the middle of the night to wake up to bang on the wall to wake me up, and denies everything when you question it with her parents. I have tried recording it on my phone, but I can’t prove where the sound comes from and am accused of making it up. Then my brother and his girlfriend are only quiet in the night and don’t damage my things or go into my room when I am at work, if I lock myself in my room, never use the internet, am never seen, never heard, and never use the kitchen or the bathroom. The only way I can assure that I am (and my belonging are) safe is to be controlled by them. My brother and his girlfriend even stole my washing detergent that I always keep in the kitchen. My mum refused to confront them about it and just said, “We’ve learnt now,” and that was it. She lets him get away with everything. She always has done, ever since the day he was born, everything has always been, “You can’t do that, your brother might not like it. You can’t do this, because your bother will want it. You can’t do that because your brother can’t.” He’s 28 now and he still gets treated like God. If he committed murder, I would be the one who got the blame. “He only did it, because he’s frustrated that he has to share the house with you,” would be the excuse. He pays a tiny amount of rent, contributes nothing to the bills. His girlfriend has no job and lives here for free and has lived with us since the day they met over a year ago. They have a heater on 24/7, they use the washing machine every day and during the more expensive hours. Their bedroom curtains are never open, and the lights are always on. My brother only leaves the house to go to work, so they always use the electricity, and their TV is always switched on. They use the oven six times a day, to cook a hot meal each three times a day. They shower for over half an hour each twice, sometimes three times, a day; we have just been forced to have a water metre fitted this week – it was installed on every house down our road while we were at work. They go to the toilet together and squeal as they watch each other pee. They slam doors at full force every single time they close them. He is on more money than me, but my mum refuses to make him pay for anything, instead I have to pay for my portion of the bills and my brother and his girlfriend’s waste of utilities. I can’t afford to move out. The cheapest studio flat I can find is £850pcm – I would have to be earning £2550 a month to be allowed to rent here and I would need a guarantor. I don’t have a guarantor and I defiantly don’t earn that much a month. I am too old for most house-shares, and the ones that would let me live there only let you live there from Monday night until Friday morning, so I would be homeless from Friday morning to Monday night.

I don’t have a logically conclusion for this piece of writing. My head is just a rambling mess. I really don’t like all of the change and not being in control of things. I just need to get all of the thoughts out of my head. I can’t say that writing this has made me feel any better, but it did give me something to focus on for a few minutes.

- Josie -

Dream - 2nd April

(Josie Sayz: I had a strange dream last night. I will try to describe it through my Arcturus High characters. This is not my best crafted writing. It is just a quick scribble, to get my dream written down. I guess in terms of a timeline, this would make the most sense between stories #12 and #14. Once I get my own place, I will hopefully have peace and quiet, so that I can write them all.)

 

Sat on her own, at the back of the library, Caitlyn’s fingers tapped on the keys of the computer keyboard, as she edited the script that she had been working on. Concentrating, she became oblivious to the world around her, as she took advantage of her library pass and spent her entire lunchbreak reading through and editing her work. A smile prodded into the right corner of Caitlyn’s cheek, as she pictured the final scene in her head. Jay and his friends, Carlos and Rajinder, were the main stars of the musical act number. She pictured Carlos and Rajinder playing guitar, with Jay on bass, while they jammed out to a rock jingle, with the stage lights flickering between white and blue. As their performance came to an end, Mr Flourfield joined the boys on stage, and announced to the audience that it was time to cast their vote on who they believed should win the talent competition.

A shadow hovered across the computer monitor. Flinching, Caitlyn spun her head over her shoulder. Her eyes widened. A nervous laugh escaped her, as her friends appeared behind her. Darcia, Samantha, Emily and Aisha stood, eagerly trying to see what Caitlyn was working on. “What’s that?” asked Aisha, scrunching her nose as she leant over Caitlyn’s shoulder to squint at the computer screen. Having left her glasses in the classroom for their lunchbreak, Aisha’s eyes struggled to focus on the brightness of the monitor.

“It doesn’t look like homework,” Samantha declared, placing her hands on her hips.

“Miss Hirons hasn’t given us a writing assignment this week,” Emily told the group, with a frown. “She asked us to read the first act of Romeo and Juliet, for our coursework and fill out a worksheet.”

Caitlyn felt her cheeks heat up, as her friends interrogated her. The red head’s heart began to thump against her ribcage. Scraping her tongue against the roof of her mouth, she sunk into her seat.

“It looks like a story!” squealed Darcia, with excitement. Leaning over Caitlyn’s shoulder, the brunette’s hair tickled Caitlyn’s cheek, as she tried to get a closer view of the computer monitor. “Oow, can I see it? Can I?”

“It’s nothing,” Caitlyn insisted, as her cheeks turned a deep magenta. Spinning her chair back around to face the computer monitor, Caitlyn hunched her shoulders and lowered her head. The red head’s hand gripped the computer mouse, and she whizzed her finger along the centre wheel, blurring her text on the screen, as she sped to the bottom of her document. “How did you even get access to the library during lunch?” Caitlyn asked her friends. Her fingers sped across the keyboard, using the shortcut keys to save her document and access the print menu. “Mrs Eleanor only lets people in the library, during lunch, if you have a library pass.”

“We told her we were looking for you,” replied Darica, with a shrug.

“We were worried,” Samantha added. “We didn’t know where you’d gone.” A pang of guilt tugged in Caitlyn’s chest. She spun her chair around and gave Samantha a sympathetic smile.

“I’m sorry,” muttered Caitlyn. “I never meant to worry you guys,” she confessed, smiling at each of her friends. “I guess I got a little carried away.” Caitlyn’s cheeks blushed, as thoughts of her writing flickered to the front of her mind.

With Caitlyn’s back to the computer, a mischievous smile poked into Aisha’s cheek. Noticing that Caitlyn’s curser was flickering in the ‘Number of Copies’ section of the printing pop-up box, Aisha pinched her lips in as she prodded her finger into the number two on the keyboard, adding a second copy of Caitlyn’s document to be printed.

Returning her attention back to the computer, Caitlyn selected the ‘Double Sided Pages’ and ‘Staple’ options on the printer menu, before tapping the ‘Enter’ key. “I just needed to finish working on something. I’m done now. I just need to grab my printing and we can head to the playground,” Caitlyn told her friends. With several clicks of the mouse, Caitlyn ended her computer session and removed her USB stick from the PC tower, before sliding her chair back and making her way to the library printer.

Towards the back of the library, a deep rhythmical hum sounded, as the printed sucked paper up from the tray, rolled it around its inner conveyor belts and spat it out the other end. Several plastic creaks sounded, as the printer’s release tray lifted and shuddered as it crunched a staple into the top left-hand corner. As it released its grip of Caitlyn’s document, the deep rhythmical hum of sucking up paper continued.

“All done,” Caitlyn sang, with a smile, as she grabbed her thirty-page document and hugged it tight to her chest. The apples of Caitlyn’s cheeks began to glow, as thoughts of her two main characters holding hands flickered to the front of her mind.

“Can I look?” asked Darica, with wide eyes, as she tried to peep at Caitlyn’s paper. “Oh, you know I love your stories, Caitlyn.”

“Is it a love letter?" Emily gasped, as she linked arms with Caitlyn’s right elbow, and they walked towards the front of the library. Caitlyn’s eyes widened, shocked by Emily’s question and she forced a swallow.

“Don’t be silly,” Darcia scoffed. “You know Caitlyn doesn’t get crushes on people,” she corrected Emily. “It’s a story, isn’t it?” Darcia gasped, tugging on Caitlyn’s left arm. “You’ve written another story.”

“It’s nothing,” Caitlyn insisted in a whisper with a shrug, as the girls neared the librarian’s desk.

As they reached Mrs Elanor’s desk, the girls smiled at the librarian. “Look, we found Caitlyn,” Samantha exclaimed. Mrs Elanor looked up from her spectacles and gave the girls an amused smile. Beaming back at the librarian, Caitlyn held her printing close to her chest, as she grabbed the pen on the desk and scribbled her signature against the ‘Out’ column of the library’s signing in and out sheet. Caitlyn passed the signing out pen to her friend Emily, who signed out and passed the pen to Samantha, who signed out and passed it to Darcia. “Where’s Aisha?” Caitlyn asked, as she arched her head over her right shoulder, then her left. A puzzled frown puckered Caitlyn’s brow and she spun around on the spot, looking for her friend.

“Coming!” Aisha called, as she appeared from behind an aisle of books. Caitlyn frowned at her friend, who seemed to stuff something inside her blazer. “Sorry,” Aisha giggled. “I was looking at a book.”

 

*

 

Lines puckered Caitlyn’s brow, as she found herself being ushered onto the side of the school stage by her friends. To her right, Caitlyn peered through the scarlet velvet curtain that was puckered up in the corner. From their position, Caitlyn could see her friends Calli, Heather, Oscar and Jay on the stage, interacting. Their voices echoed around the school hall. The theatrical spotlights were shining down on the stage, engulfing the girls in a white light, and the boys in a dark blue light. “What’s going on?” Caitlyn asked her friends with a frown. “Why are we backstage? And what is going on, on stage? I thought the ‘Wizard of Oz’ was the only school play rehearsing right now. They only use the spotlights when there’s an actual audience.” Caitlyn looked from her friends stood with her, to the acting taking place on stage, and back again.

“They’re performing your play,” Darica beamed at Caitlyn, with wide, excited eyes. The lines on Caitlyn’s forehead deepened.

“I haven’t written a play,” she muttered. Wrinkling her nose a little, Caitlyn flickered a glance to each of her friends in turn.

“Don’t be modest,” exclaimed Aisha, as she thumped Caitlyn on the arm. “’The Secrets of Arcturus High,’ you were working on it over lunch, in the library, when we found you the other week,” Aisha told her, with an eager sparkle in her eyes.

Caitlyn’s lips parted and the colour drained from her face, as she staggered a step backwards. Her heart rattled in her ribcage. Her breathing turned shallow. Scraping her tongue against the roof of her mouth, the red head forced a swallow. “That wasn’t a play,” muttered Caitlyn, as she struggled to speak.

“Of course it was,” Samantha replied, with a cheery smile.

“It had character names down the left, with speech alongside the names and stage directions,” Emily said, with a shrug. “It was totally a play.”

The audience burst into laughter. Caitlyn shot her head towards the stage. Jay ran a hand across the back of his neck, as he spoke to Calli, in the centre of the stage, while Heather and Oscar were sniggering to the right. The hammering in Caitlyn’s chest grew louder, as she stared across the stage.

“Jay, Carlos and Raj are about to do the big musical number any minute. We thought you’d love to see it,” Darcia beamed. The creases on Caitlyn’s forehead deepened, as her eyebrows rose higher.

“What?” cried Caitlyn, as her bottom lip trembled. “How could you…? How did you…? Why… I-”

“Don’t worry,” Darcia chuckled. “Jay adores you. He jumped at the chance to act in something you’ve written.”

“Wh, wh, what?” stuttered Caitlyn, as her cheeks burned bright and her eyes widened, with shock. Curling her fists to her chest, Caitlyn daggered her nails into her palms.

“Ugh,” grumbled Emily. The tall blonde folded her arms and rolled her eyes at Caitlyn. “He’s in love with you and until your stupid late-forming brain figures out you like someone, he refuses to date anyone else.”

“That’s not true,” Caitlyn snapped, feeling a salty sting filter into the corner of her eyes. “Jay and I are just friends and you know it,” growled the red head, with a sniff. With her hands in fists at her sides, Caitlyn stomped her foot and snarled her nose at the blonde. As her pulse pounded louder and louder in her chest, Caitlyn clawed her hand through her hair and began pacing back and forth, storming past the side stage curtain.

“Do you have any idea what you’ve done?” Caitlyn raged. Her pacing came to a halt, as she stood before her friends with a puckered brow and her back to the stage. Oblivious to the four actors leaving the stage to the opposite side, and Mr Flourfield bouncing onto the stage to speak to the audience, Caitlyn cried, “That wasn’t just a random play. That was private.”

“What’s private about a play?” Aisha chuckled. “Everyone really likes it. Calli is playing Crystal, and the audience seem to love her. Mr Flourfield didn’t want Crystal and Jamie to actually kiss at the end though.”

“Yeah, they get to pretend behind his clipboard,” Samantha giggled. A deep groan emitted from Caitlyn’s throat, as she buried her head in her hands.

“This can’t be happening,” the red head muttered to herself, her voice a mumble in her palms. “This really can't be happening.”

“Sup girls,” said Carlos, as he and Rajinder appeared from the doorway behind Darcia. Caitlyn’s eyes widened, with alarm, seeing the boys dressed in turquoise sequin-covered royal guard outfits. The side stage door, behind Darcia, opened again and Jay rushed in, tugging his sequin jacket over his arms and buttoning it up. “Hey Caitlyn,” Carlos said with a smirk and a nod, “you wrote a play.”

“That’s tight,” Rajinder said with a nod and the two boys bumped fists.

Caitlyn felt her cheeks turn a deep scarlet and her throat close up, as the boys spoke to her. Rooted to the spot, Caitlyn’s eyes flickered over Carlos and Raj’s sequin outfits, before her eyes locked with Jay’s. “Hey,” Jay mumbled, as he stood in front of the red head. Caitlyn’s lips parted, as she gazed up at her best friend. “I’m playing Jamie,” he told her with a weak smile. “It would be easier if you were playing Crystal. Calli’s alright,” he shrugged, running a hand across the back of his neck. “But Crystal feels more like you.” Caitlyn’s cheeks turned a bright beetroot colour, as her eyes bulged from their sockets. Pinching her lips in, Caitlyn lowered her sight to her shoes, as her heart fluttered from his compliment. Hearing Aisha, Darcia and Samantha sniggering behind her, Caitlyn’s heart hammered against her ribcage, desperate to escape. As Caitlyn looked back up into Jay’s eyes, her shoulders drooped, and her brows slanted together. “What’s wrong?” he asked, sensing Caitlyn’s distress. “Hey,” he said in a hushed voice and holding a hand to Caitlyn’s arm, Jay stepped towards her and pulled the red head to one side. “Caitlyn,” he whispered. “Speak to me. What’s wrong?” A shudder crept down Caitlyn’s spine and she forced a swallow. Gazing into Jay’s deep chocolate brown eyes, Caitlyn’s lips parted, and slowly shook her head.

“It’s not what you think,” she whispered and gasped, hearing the trembling in her own voice.

“What’s not?” asked Jay, as he placed his hand on her arm. “Is everything okay?” As Caitlyn gazed up at Jay, she placed her hand on top of his that was on her arm.

“Jay-” she breathed.

“It’s show time, boys,” sang Mr Flourfield, as he appeared at the side of the stage, beside the red velvet curtain. In unison, Jay, Rajinder and Carlos turned towards the stage, ready to start their musical number. As they neared the edge of the curtain, Caitlyn tugged on Jay’s arm.

“I can’t wait for you to see this,” he beamed at her, before jogging onto the centre of the stage, with Rajinder and Carlos at his sides.

As the boys stood in the centre of the stage and the music began to play, Caitlyn’s brow rose. Instead of the punk rock musical number that Caitlyn has envisioned when she wrote her play, upbeat pop music blasted from a nearby speaker and the boys were performing a dance routine, like they were in a boyband from the nineties. ‘This isn’t supposed to be a cheesy boyband number,’ Caitlyn cringed, as her shoulder blades stiffened. The lines on her brow deepened. She forced a swallow. Feeling her heart sink to the depths of her stomach, as her private daydream was being performed on the school stage, in front of an audience, and everything was wrong, she turned to her friends with a scowl. “This is all wrong,” Caitlyn hissed to her friends, throwing her hand in the direction of the stage. “This isn’t supposed to be a pop band form the nineties. It’s an upbeat rock group – Jay and his friends can play the guitar.” Caitlyn stomped her foot and let out an exaggerated sigh. “And this isn’t a play that I wrote for people to see,” Caitlyn explained. The red head could see that Aisha was about to speak, but Caitlyn interrupted her. “It’s my private, personal diary that you’re showing to the world.”

“Diary?” Aisha repeated, with a frown. “None of the stuff in your play is real life,” she declared, scrunching up her nose.

“Of course it isn’t real life,” Caitlyn sighed, tilting her head to one side. “It’s all in my head!” she raged. “It’s how my life would be if I wasn’t so shy… and now the entire school knows.” Caitlyn winced. Her shoulders drooped, as she arched her head over her shoulder to look towards the stage.

“Don’t worry, the entire school isn’t here,” Darcia chuckled.

“It’s just the whole of years nine and ten, most of the staff, a couple of local news reporters and a talent scout,” declared Aisha, feeling rather proud of herself for organising the local news reporter to be in the audience.

“Your play could become famous,” Samantah added with a giggle.

Taking a glance back towards the stage at the boys dancing, Caitlyn let out a long groan. “The boys know. Of course they know,” she muttered, as her heart began to race at the thought of people figuring out that her play was really a fantasy in her head. “Carlos will never let me live this down,” she exclaimed, and flapped her arms against her slides, letting out a frustrated sigh. “And what about Jay?” she whimpered as her shoulders sank. “Jay will never speak to me ever again.” Caitlyn’s cheeks turned an even deeper red and her heart dropped as she realised that everyone in her year group and the year group above her were all watching this performance. Darica’s brows slanted together as she took a step towards Caitlyn and placed a sympathetic hand on her arm.

“We didn’t know it was private,” Darica told her. “And no one else is going to put two and two together. So what, if you’re Crystal and Jay is Jamie? I think it’s all very exciting,” she giggled. Caitlyn groaned again, taking a step back and throwing her head back to look at the ceiling. Exhaling, Caitlyn shook her head.

“That’s not the point,” hissed Caitlyn, as she clawed her hands through her hair. “You didn’t ask permission. How did you even get a copy of my diary? It’s on my USB stick and I have the only print out I made.”

“We don’t need to talk about how we got it,” Aisha said, with a nervous chuckle. “What matters is that everyone gets to see your creation.”

“I don’t want them to,” Caitlyn cried. “I don’t want anyone to see it, ever. Who did you show my diary to? Who gave you permission to put on a play? How did you pull this off so quickly?” Caitlyn’s friends remained silent.

As the boys’ number came to an end, and the audience began their applause, Caitlyn turned to face the stage and locked eyes with Jay, who was stood frozen in a pose with his hand above his head, pointing at Rajinder, who squatted in front of him. Noticing that Jay was looking her way, Caitlyn mouthed, “I’m sorry,” with a puckered brow and a slight pout. Seeing the worry on Caitlyn’s face, Jay’s brow puckered. His eyes widened, desperate for Caitlyn to indicate what was wrong. However, before Caitlyn could mouth anything else, Mr Flourfield leapt onto the stage and blocked the space between them. Caitlyn shuddered, doing a double take of her form tutor, as he stood at the centre od the stage, wearing a black top hat with a turquoise ribbon and matching circus ringmaster’s outfit, complete with long, knee-high boots. ‘That’s not part of my story,’ Caitlyn thought, with a puzzled frown.

“Caitlyn!” Jay gasped, as he and his friends left the stage and her raced to Caitlyn’s side. The second Jay stood in front of Caitlyn, she hugged her arms around him, buried her head at his chest and squeezed him tight. Jay clasped one hand to Caitlyn’s waist and stroke his other down her waist length copper locks, to comfort her. Dipping his head towards her ear, Jay whispered her name. With a sniff, Caitlyn’s lips parted as she lifted her head to face him.

“See,” grumbled Emily, snarling her nose in Jay and Caitlyn’s direction. “I told you so. She’s a backstabber.” Darcia scrunched her face at the blonde’s comment.

“Jay actually has to have some interest in you for Caitlyn to have done anything wrong,” Samantha pointed out, in a matter-of-fact tone. “And you’re invisible to him.”

“D’you want me to start hating you too?” threatened Emily, as she folded her arms and turned towards Samantha with a scowl.

Oblivious to the girls bickering, Caitlyn gazed up at Jay, with wide eyes and parted lips. With his hand remaining at Caitlyn’s waist, Jay cupped his friend’s cheek in his right hand and stroked her cheek with his thumb. Caitlyn’s eyes sparkled, as she forced a swallow to the lump in her throat and inhaled a shaky breath. “I-”

“Boys!” called Mr Flourfield, as he peered from the curtain at the side of the stage. “Your standing ovation.” Caitlyn’s form tutor gestured his head towards the audience, indicating for Jay, Rajinder and Carlos to return to the stage. Having given Caitlyn’s shoulders a squeeze, Jay slid his hands down the red head’s arms and stroked his fingers across the inside of her palms. As Jay took a step back, he held onto the fingers of Caitlyn’s hand, with his right. Their arms stretched, as Jay took several steps backwards, edging closer to the stage. With their eyes remaining locked on each another’s, Caitlyn’s eyebrows slanted together and her eyes grew wide. As their fingers separate, Caitlyn’s bottom lip pouted. Jay prodded his mouth to the left, dimpling his cheek, before disappearing back onto the stage.

The audience thundered with applause as the sparkly boyband returned to the stage. “And none of this could be possible without our playwright, Caitlyn Flynn,” Mr Flourfield announced. The audience’s clapping continued, as Mr Flourfield turned his head in Caitlyn’s direction and waved his hand towards himself, gesturing for Caitlyn to join him and the boys on stage. Feeling her cheeks turn a bright red, Caitlyn found herself shuffling forward towards her form tutor. Her vision blurred as she stared out at all of the faces gawking at her. The bright spotlight shining on her caused Caitlyn to squint and stagger back. Jay slid his hand to the hollow of Caitlyn’s back to help steady her balance. Spinning her head to the person on her left, who steadied her balance, Caitlyn smiled back at Jya, pinching her lips in. “Come on, the boys are going on tour, and as their agent and writer, you need to join them,” Mr Flourfield announced to the entire great hall, as his face appeared in front of Caitlyn’s.

 

*

 

Before Caitlyn could register what was happening around her, she was stood outside, in the teacher’s car park. In front of her was a vintage racing car, that reminded her of Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, but painted the same metallic turquoise as the royal guard sequin uniforms the boys were wearing in their musical number. “We’re going on tour,” grinned Mr Flourfield, as he stood beside Caitlyn. “Chop, chop boys. We don’t want to get caught up in traffic now,” he ordered.

Caitlyn found herself staring, as she watched Jay and Carlos lift at least seven old fashioned, leather satchels and trunks on the back of the open roof car. Stood on a small stool at the back of the vehicle, Rajinder strapped the luggage into the car with two, large leather straps and slide one end through a large, brass buckle. Jay then appeared at Caitlyn’s side, placed his hand in hers and helped her clamber over the waist-height car door and into the passenger seat. A frown furrowed Caitlyn’s brow as she looked into the rear-view mirror and watched the boys clamber into the backseat and buckle up.

“Ready to hit the road?” asked Mr Flourfield, as he arched his head over his left shoulder, to check that Rajinder, Carlos and Jay were all accounted for and ready. The boys nodded. As Mr Flourfield turned his keys to started the engine, Caitlyn felt the body of the car vibrate and jerk forward. A splutter sounded from behind. Caitlyn gasped, throwing her head over her shoulder to see a cloud of grey smoke spray out to the exhaust, engulfing them. Then I woke up.

 

The end

- Josie -