(Josie Sayz: I work in an office with people who all have law degrees/qualifications, therefore, you would imagine that they are all intelligent people. What I have discovered, over the past 3 years, is that none of these people have common sense and all of them believe they are entitled to, well, everything. I don’t think I have ever been more angry – and I used to be a waitress and I’ve worked in retail. Inspired by the public announcements in ‘Two Point Hospital’ and ‘Sonic Colours’, I was inspired to write my own. These are what I wish I could say to the office, if my office had a public announcement speaker system.)
Please, refrain from being stupid on purpose.
Please, do not put liquid in the general waste or recycling bins. Use the sink provided. Liquid waste includes, but is not limited to, water, tea, coffee and soup.
If the printer has ran out of paper, standing in front of it, flapping your arms saying, “The paper’s run out,” does not refill the printer with paper.
Please, do not pour your unfinished drink into the coffee machine’s or water dispenser’s drip tray. Your coffee, milk, water, sugar and backwash are not magically separated, recycled and filtered back into the machine. Your unfinished drink will remain in the tray overnight, until the machine is cleaned, in the morning. On warm days, this can make the office smell of stale milk.
Please, do not place litter and food waste in the confidential shredding bins – your crisp packets and tissues are not confidential documents.
The Office Support Assistants are not to be reported to the head of their department for having a supervisor.
When the milk has ran out, in the fridge, shouting, “Milk,” will not magically purchase another bottle from the shop.
Please, inform the Office Support Assistants after using a meeting room, as the cleaning fairy does not exist. Meeting rooms must be cleaned between uses. Failure to inform the Office Support Assistants will result in the meeting room remaining as you left it.
This is a reminder to all staff, to speak to one another as you wish to be spoken to.
Please, do not take the packets of tissues. Use just one, as and when you need it. The packets of tissues are for the entire office to use, not just you.
Demanding and entitled behaviour will result in things that you want being taken away from you. You are not entitled to free milk, hired air conditioning units or free parking – these are privileges. If you behave like young children, you will be treated like young children.
Please, do not take the bottles of hand sanitizer. Use the hand sanitizer, as and when you need it. The bottles of sanitizer are for the entire office to use, not just you.
Please, do not pour liquid containing milk onto the plants. Doing so will cause the office smell of stale milk.
Please, clean up after your spilt milk.
Please, refrain from speaking to Office Support Assistants in condescending tones. They are the ones performing your reprographics requests. If you irritate them, your urgent request will find its way to the bottom of the pile.
One individual does not get to dictate the temperature of the entire, six floor office block.
The cleaning fairy does not exist.
Please, do not remove stationery or stationery holders from meeting rooms. The stationery in the meeting rooms are a matching set. Replacement items will not match the originals and, therefore, will not look professional.
Please, leave meeting rooms as you found them.
Please, refrain from reporting the Office Support Assistants to the head of their department for silly things that annoy you, such as hearing them speak while they assist another member of staff, for referring to the office as a, “Hub,” and not a, “General Office,” when it is a Hub, or saying that they lost your documents, when they did not, you were just trying to make a point that it may happen one day. The head of the department has caught onto your silly, childish, tattle-taling. When there is an actual issue in the office, you will not be taken seriously.
The Office Support Assistants are not to be reported to the head of their department for taking their, unpaid, lunch break.
Please, swill items, in the sink, before putting them into the dishwasher. Please, fill the dishwasher from the back to the front. Mugs and glasses go in the top tray. Plates and bowls in the bottom tray. Please, swill all cutlery and place in the caddy.
Please, do not report the Office Support Assistants to the head of their department, because their supervisor checked on them two weeks in a row, to make sure the office was running smoothly. It is their supervisor’s job to stop by the office frequently.
Please, do not leave used mugs on the kitchen table.
Please, pour any unwanted drinks in the sink. Do not leave them in your mug.
If you are too late to put your mugs, glasses and cutlery into the dishwasher, please, leave them, in soak, in the sink.
The office stocks as much stationery as it has capacity to hold. There is no storage to hoard a large capacity of any one item. Stationery is ordered every week and is delivered the next day. Please, do not report the Office Support Assistants to their head of department and say that it is, “Unacceptable,” for them to not order hoard loads of any one item, having followed the instruction from their head of department. Each item can be ordered for the capacity required at the office.
Please, use the hand sanitisers and cleaning wipes, provided, to keep yourself and your working area clean.
A reminder, there is no such thing as the cleaning fairy.
(There are probably hundreds more that I could add to this, but this was all I wrote yesterday afternoon.)
- Josie -
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