(Josie Sayz: There is a difference between connection, consistency, and emotional presence, not constant attention. I’m not after attention. Sometimes I don't understand why people are in relationships, because they make you feel more lonely than being alone. Is there such thing as a relationship where one doesn’t feel more lonely than being alone?)
You ask how my day went,
I’ll reply straight away,
But I know you won’t read it,
Until the end of the day.
You won’t reply
To anything I say.
You’ll just say, “Goodnight,”
Won’t even meet me halfway.
When I respond to your question,
I’ve learnt not to expect a reply,
Or for you to read my response.
I have no idea why
You message at all.
If to hear from me is a chore.
To be ghosted or left on read
I don’t know which one hurts more?
The double standards you write,
Causes me so much pain.
You expect a response in three minutes,
That you won’t read for hours; that’s okay.
You were warm and inviting.
Six months have flown by.
How long can I hurt for,
Bottle it up and then lie?
I’m not being controlling,
Asking for a, “Good morning,” text.
When you can’t manage that,
It makes me miss my ex.
I just need routine,
And a connection that’s stable.
I’m not dictating your life,
Nor without you am I unable.
I hate feeling punished,
If I’m a few minutes too late.
You withdraw your affection
And leave me in wait.
It's like a test,
And if I am good.
You’ll say, “I love you.”
Although you already should.
It's gaslighting by omission,
To put me in my place.
It makes me feel anxious,
And a complete disgrace.
Though I’ll never confess,
I’ll hide it inside.
You won’t see that you hurt me,
Or the times that I cried.
It's not just by text,
Or our phone calls too,
It hurts when I’m midsentence,
You blurt out, “I love you.”
Maybe you’re done listening,
Our you just zoned out.
It's little things, like this,
That leave me with doubts.
I love you so much.
I wish we could be together forever,
But can I withhold my feelings,
On our lifelong endeavour?
I’m not being controlling or I needy,
I wish you could see.
I’ve adjusted so much for you.
Could you try for me?
- Josie -
