Am I asking too much?

I don’t understand what I am doing wrong and why all of my relationships end in the exact same way. I try to shrink myself and my needs, but I can never shrink myself enough. What I need to feel safe in a relationship is:

- A daily check in
- Conversations to be continued later, if interrupted
- For communication to have a priority, like a few minutes at the end of the day
- Emotional consistency
- Wanting to feel like a partner and not an option when someone is bored

Please, can someone, kindly, explain to me why these things are wrong. Why is it wrong to want to know if my partner is okay, and how their day went? Why is it okay for when my partner asks me how my day went by text message and I reply and ask how their day was, it isn’t read, acknowledged or ever replied to? Why is it wrong to expect a conversation to continue, when the question asked was, “How was your day?” then it immediately ended, because they had an incoming call, and to think that the call might be continued later, when they aren’t busy, or a text message might be sent? I don’t understand what I am doing wrong. Please, can someone explain this to me, so that I stop making the same mistake every time. What is too much? Is everything that I need to feel safe too much? Do I need to ask for no communication, to be ignored and to not be cared about? Is that how relationships work, because that does sound scary.

I am incredibly fragile right now and any horrible message will really push me over the edge, so please don’t be horrible to me. I just want to know what I did wrong, why everything suddenly changed and why I lost the best thing to ever happen to me.

 

- Josie -