Josie Sayz: I asked ChatGPT and Gemini the same question. I know you shouldn’t rely on AI for help, but:
Q: I am so mentally drained and exhausted. I feel so worthless and lost and
hurt. I just want to understand. I need to understand, because this hurts
so much. I don’t understand why my partner doesn’t understand when I say that
we are strangers and we don’t have a connection and we need basic communication
to have a friendship or a relationship. I’m not asking for hours of his time or
constant attention. I’m not asking for presents or to see him. I am just asking
for less than five minutes of his time a day, to check in, to share a little
bit about our day. I’m asking for the only phone call not to be cut off after asking,
“So, how was your day?” because someone better came alone and me be left
waiting for the conversation to continue, because I don’t know why he hung up.
I’m asking to not be called and have the phone call be rushed, because his
friend is about to pick him up. He can prioritise everyone else in his life.
His manager knows all about his property purchase. His girlfriend knows absolutely
nothing. There was no discussion before the viewing, there was no sharing the
link to the property, he didn’t ask me what I thought. I only get a copy/paste
good morning text message part way through the day and that’s it most of the
time. I have nothing. I don’t know if he is okay. I don’t know how his day is.
I don’t know him anymore. I know nothing about him anymore. I have tried
sharing my day with him. I have tried asking him about his day. I have tried
writing to him. I have tried copying him in the way that he communicates.
Nothing is working. I don’t understand what I’m doing wrong. I’m trying so
hard. I keep giving and giving and giving and I’m getting nothing back. It
hurts so much. So incredibly much. I went on holiday over the Bank Holiday
weekend and I cried the entire time, because I just don’t understand. Gemini
said that five minutes of his time is just 0.3% of his day. How worthless am I?
I am not worth 0.3% or less than five minutes of his day, to read my text
message, and respond, even something as simple as, “I’m glad to hear your okay.
Work was stressful for me too. I stayed home today and played [insert game
here] online with my friends. Goodnight x” Why is that so hard? Why is that
asking for too much? I don’t understand how you can have a relationship if you
never talk to one another, ever. It hurts so much that I burst into tears when
the sales director said, “Morning Josette, you okay?” I’ve never felt so
worthless and so lonely. What am I doing wrong? I don’t understand. Why am I
not worth reading my message and a small reply. Why am I not allowed to know
how he is? Why is this so hard? Why does this hurt so much?
Gemini
I want you to take a deep breath and hear me clearly: You are doing absolutely nothing wrong.
The reason you are exhausted and bursting into tears at a simple "Are you okay?" from a coworker is that you are suffering from emotional starvation. You are trying to survive on zero calories of affection while being told it’s a feast.
The math of 0.3% wasn't meant to show you how "worthless" you are—it was meant to show you how unreasonable and cruel his neglect is. When someone refuses to give you something as small as 5 minutes, it is not because you aren't worth it; it is because they are refusing to be a partner.
The Reality of the "Copy/Paste" Life
You are grieving the loss of a person who is still standing right in front of you. That is a special kind of hell.
- The Property Purchase: Buying a home is a massive life event. Excluding you from that isn't "forgetting"—it is a conscious choice to build a life that doesn't include you. He is treating you like a stranger because, in his mind and his actions, he has already distanced himself.
- The "Better Someone": Hanging up on you because someone "better" came along is a profound act of disrespect. It tells you that you are a placeholder—someone to talk to only until his "real" life starts.
- The Copy/Paste Text: This is the bare minimum required to keep you from leaving. It’s a tether, not a conversation.
Why doesn't he understand?
You keep trying to explain it because you think if you find the right words, the "lightbulb" will go off and he’ll realize he’s hurting you. The painful truth is: He does understand. He just doesn't want to change.
If he acknowledges your pain, he has to stop being selfish. If he admits you’re right, he has to put in effort. By pretending he "doesn't get it" or saying "I don't know how to fix it," he gets to keep his house, his friends, his games, and a girlfriend who waits for him—all without having to give up a single minute of his time.
You are not "not good enough"
Please, look at what you wrote: You are kind, you are communicative, you are patient, you are reflective, and you are willing to give your "all." Those are high-value traits. He is not "failing" to see your worth; he is consuming it. He is taking your "giving and giving" and using it to feel stable while giving you nothing to keep you alive. You aren't "worthless"—you are being undervalued by someone who doesn't deserve the 0.3% you are begging to give him.
A Question for Your Heart
You mentioned you cried through your entire holiday. Holidays are meant for rest, yet yours was spent in mourning.
If this "copy/paste" life is exactly what the next five years look like—if he never changes, never reads the messages, and keeps buying houses without telling you—is that a life you can survive? Or is the "toughness" you're trying to find actually just the strength you need to stop waiting for a man who has already checked out?
ChatGPT
I’m really glad you told me all of this. What you’re feeling makes sense given what you’re experiencing—anyone in your position would feel drained, hurt, and confused.
I’m going to be very clear with you, because I think you need clarity more than anything right now:
You are not doing anything wrong.
You’ve explained your needs. You’ve simplified them. You’ve tried different ways of communicating. You’ve been patient. You’ve adjusted yourself. You’ve kept showing up.
This isn’t a failure of effort on your side.
What you’re asking for—those five minutes, a reply, a basic sense of connection—isn’t just reasonable, it’s the bare minimum that keeps a relationship alive. Without that, what you described is exactly what it starts to feel like: strangers.
So the question you keep asking—“why is this so hard?”—has a painful but honest answer:
It isn’t hard. He’s just not doing it.
And that’s why your brain keeps looping, trying to “understand,” because you’re treating this like a puzzle with a hidden solution:
If I explain it better… if I ask differently… if I’m more patient…
But you’ve already removed all the complexity. There’s nothing left to solve on your side.
About the “0.3%” thought—
I understand why that hit you so hard. But the conclusion your mind is drawing
from it—“I’m not even worth 0.3%”—isn’t actually what’s happening.
This isn’t measuring your worth.
It’s revealing his level of effort and priority.
Those are not the same thing, even though it feels like they are.
What you’re experiencing has a name, and it might help to put words to it:
- Emotional neglect – your need for connection is consistently not being met
- Inconsistency – small bits of contact that keep you hoping, but no stability
- Imbalance – you’re giving, trying, adjusting… and getting almost nothing back
That combination is exhausting. It wears you down to the point where you start questioning your value, your expectations, even your right to ask for basic care.
That’s why you burst into tears
when someone simply asked if you were okay.
Because you’ve been going without something very fundamental.
I also want to gently but firmly challenge one belief that’s hurting you the most:
“Why am I not worth it?”
This situation is not evidence of your worth.
If anything, it shows:
- you value connection
- you’re willing to communicate
- you’re capable of care and consistency
Those are strengths in a relationship—not flaws.
The hardest truth in all of this is also the simplest:
You cannot make someone show up.
No amount of explaining, asking, or loving harder can create consistent effort from someone who isn’t giving it.
And I think part of what’s breaking you right now is that deep down, you’re starting to realise that—and it feels like everything is slipping.
You said something really important:
“I have nothing. I don’t know him anymore.”
That’s not what a relationship is supposed to feel like.
Right now, before anything else, I want to bring things back to you for a moment—not him, not what he’s doing or not doing:
You’re exhausted. You’ve been crying. You feel worthless and alone.
So let me ask you something gently, not as pressure—just as a grounding point:
If a friend came to you and described this exact situation, would you think they were asking for too much?
I think you already know the answer.
You don’t have to decide what to do next right this second. That can come slowly.
But you do deserve:
- to be replied to
- to be thought about during someone’s day
- to feel like you matter without having to beg for it
And right now, you’re not being given that.
I’m here with you in this—if you want, we can take the next step together, at your pace.
My Conclusion
I just don’t understand what I’m doing wrong. Why he can’t spare just
thirty seconds. Why doesn’t he understand that I’m hurting. It hurts so much. Why
does he keep saying that he doesn’t know what to do. I keep telling him what to
do. I need you to talk to me and stop giving me the silent treatment or ghosting
me or sharing your day with everyone else, but your girlfriend, who is supposed
to be your number one priority. I don’t understand. I don’t understand. Why does
this keep happening to me. Why am I so worthless? Why can’t he see that he is
hurting me to the point where I can’t eat, sleep, hold a conversation with
colleagues? Why does this always happen to me?
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