I have just had a huge falling out with my mum. My mum has just phoned me for almost an hour and has gotten me so angry that I have had to hang up on her and block her. She says that it isn’t hot. That wildfires cannot start on their own and that that have been purposely started (despite the park by me catching on fire last night and four houses looking their rooves. She said that it isn’t warm at all and hasn’t been for over a week, despite the temperature being in the late 20s/early 30s. She says unless the sun is out, you need a coat, because the air can’t be hotter than 20°C, because only the sun makes it warm and she said the sun hasn’t been out for weeks (she lives 2 miles away from me and the sun has been out every day) and she says if one cloud is in the sky that means it isn’t blue sky and sunny it is entirely cloudy. If she sees one cloud, she says, “I thought they [the weather report] said it was going to be sunny. It isn’t.” She said that because trains aren’t running in the heat from Shrewsbury to Wales and because trains don’t run well in severe severe snow or severe rain that that means no one in the UK is allowed to buy a train pass ever again, because they will only ever use it one or two days a year and it is a waste of money and that travelling by train should be made illegal because of it. She says that it is China’s fault that the weather has been hot, because the UK does changes for global warming, but China is refusing to. Every time I try to correct her she says I am being horrible to her, when I am not. I am just trying to point out that what she says isn’t what is happening, she keeps saying that it is and everything is on the news and she is only speaking the facts.
She keeps saying that the weather people are lying and the weather apps are
lying and everyone is lying about the temperature, because it is incredibly
cold, because the sun isn’t shining on her, despite the air actually being in
the 30s.
She is 100% adamant that everything she says is correct and that she is very, very angry at me for not agreeing with her and she uses a spiteful, sharp tone with me. If it wasn’t for many of my belongings still being at her house and I am not allowed to return to the house, because my brother says, “Once you move out, you don’t come back,” and that I not allowed to be seen walking down their road or he will, “Come after me,” I wouldn’t need to still talk to her.
I
don’t have a loving relationship with her. Yes, I would feel sad occasionally
and maybe a little lonely, but in no different if a way to breaking up with
Dexter in April, after feeling like it hadn’t been working since December and
have the occasional few days (like I am currently) where I do miss him, but
most of the time, I am fairly indifferent.
Sometimes I really wish there was a way to get my things back. Also, when I
made an offer on my maisonette, two years ago, I was working at a different
job. My manager at the time told me that it wouldn’t be a good idea to let my
mum or brother know where I live, because I had opened up to him about the
controlling behaviours of both of them and he had seen me come into work crying
uncontrollably, because of them. But I moved jobs, I didn’t know anyone
properly at my current job, when I got the keys to my maisonette, as I had only
been at my current job 2 months. I don’t drive, my mum doesn’t drive, so I had
to somewhat get help from her. And now both she and my brother know where I
live. She has my spare key and spare fob to the communal door. I have some
sentimental plushies (the entire Peter Pan set and the Wreck-It Ralph set, as
well as three standing Charlie Bears) still at hers, a specific resin pumpkin
stack that I was too scared to pack in bubblewrap or a box, because I didn’t
want it to get damaged and my year book from school, along with a two signing
books from leaving primary school and second school, along with my handwritten
stories from my teenage years. I really wish I knew someone with a car, so that
they could help me to collect them.
My mum had a go at me for not collecting them, but she also said that I am never
allowed back to the house, because of my brother, so I asked her how am I
supposed to get my things. She said, when my brother goes on holiday with his
girlfriend and her parents, to Italy. I asked her when this was, she said she
didn’t know. I asked her if she could find out hen that was and she said no.
As soon as I can get my things back, yes, it means I won’t have a anyone left
in my life anymore and I truly will be alone in the world (which is probably
why I have been struggling so much lately with missing my ex-partner) but if
everyone is going to be mentally abusive towards me, then I have no choice, but
to be on my own.
I just want a cuddle and for someone to hold me and tell me that everything is going
to be okay. I know I have never had it, so I can’t miss it, but it doesn’t meant
I don’t want it, when things feel this hard. I just want my keys and my
belongings and I never, ever want anything to do with a single member of my
family ever again!
