Wendy on the Bus

(Josie Sayz: This writing piece is me processing my thoughts and emotions, following a recent encounter. As per my usual coping mechanism, this piece is written using my ‘Jane Chronicles’ characters. I do not own the characters of JM Barrie’s ‘Peter and Wendy’ franchise, these are owned by ‘The Great Ormond Street Children’s Hospital’ in the UK and probably ‘Disney’ elsewhere.)

Sat on the bus, on her way home from work, Jane sent her friend, Smee, a text message, letting him know how her new job was going. After sending her message, Jane looked up, observing her surroundings for the first time. The man beside her sat with his backpack on his lap, like Jane, but had headphones on, and was listening to something, as he gazed out of the window. Rustling sounded from two seats in front of her, and to the seat across the aisle. Jane’s heart froze. The strawberry blonde died hair, tied back in a messy bun. The masculine looking nails that tapped away on the heavily scratched phone. The old, worn, tangled earphones cable. The scuffed-up trainers, with the left foot bent out at an angle. The hunched posture. The bags beneath the eyes. The snakebite markings from long removed piercings of a teenage mistake two decades ago. Jane held her breath and averted her eyes to the floor. Her heart hammered in her ribcage. ‘No ‘ she cried to herself, feeling her chest tighten. Jane took a quick glance around the bus at the other passengers. No one else was giving the woman, sat at the seat above the driver, any notice. Jane flickered her a glance once more. Their eyes met. Jane’s heart panged. ‘It’s Wendy!’ she cried, feeling a lump form in her throat and a knot tighten in her intestines.

Spotting Jane, an amused smirk spread across Wendy's face. The blonde hunched forward, leaning her elbows on her spread thighs, as she jabbed her thumbs into her phone's scratched screen. Jane's heart sank to her stomach. 'She's texting Peter, isn't she?' Jane thought with a sniff. 'She's telling him how pathetic I am, while he's married and happy, with the job and the woman of his dreams… and here I am, sat on a bus on my way home from my next new job.' Jane thought with a sniff, as she sunk in her seat. Feeling the colour drain from her face, Jane flickered Wendy another glance. She could not help herself. It was as though Wendy was magnetising Jane's eyes towards her. As Jane looked up, Wendy was looking at the red head, with a smug smirk. Chuckling to herself, Wendy turned back around and began jabbing her thumbs into her phone screen once more. Jane's shoulder blades stiffened, as she folded her arms tight at her chest. 'Why is Wendy even on the bus?' Jane wondered, with a furrowed brow. 'I thought she drove now. And why is she on this bus? I thought she lived north of Neverland. I know she could get the 49 bus there, if she gets off at the same stop as me, but surely there is a bus direct from the city centre that goes more direct to where she lives. Oh no! She's going to get off the bus at the same stop as me.' Jane felt her throat begin to close up. Her breaths grew short, sharp and shallow.

The rustling of a crisp packet emanated from Wendy's direction. Jane kept her head low and darted her eyes towards the blonde. Loud, open-mouthed crunching caused Jane to shudder. The red head pinched her eyes tight, and forced herself to inhale a low, slow breath. Crunch! Crunch! Crunch! 'It is so annoying!' Jane fumed, as she flickered a glance around at her fellow passengers. A large man, sat behind Wendy shuddered, as the blonde continued to open-mouth crunch her crisps. 'I know it used to pester Peter something terrible, but how did he live with her for over ten years and never say anything? I'm further away from her than he used to be, and it is making me angry.' Jane sighed, rolling her eyes at the thought of Peter enduring this torture and refusing to speak up. 'Typical Peter,' she thought with a smirk. 'He would do anything to make sure that everyone else was happy, believing that his own wants and needs were silly and unimportant. He would probably marry the most annoying human in the world, be stuck with them forever and he would still be too anxious to speak up, preferring to keep the peace than start a discussion regarding his own discomfort. Always the people pleaser.'

Over half an hour passed by and still the crunching continued. Several people around the women had vacated the bus, at various stops. As the bus journey drew closer to Jane's destination, the knot in the red head's insides began to tighten. 'Wendy's going to get off the bus at the same stop as me, of course she is,' Jane worried, to herself. 'I can't have that. She'll speak to me. She'll make some sarcastic comment about how I don't have a wedding ring on my finger, but Peter does or how I am still living at home, but Peter and his wife own their own house. Or how she has a better job than me, and she is probably running her mum's book shop, and they are both happy that I no longer work there.' As these thoughts began to spiral around in Jane's mind, she felt the inner corners of her eyes fill up with a salty sting. 'I am in no mental state to encounter a confrontational battle with Wendy,' Jane warned herself. Flickering the blonde a glance, Jane watched as Wendy scrunched up her crisp packet and put her mobile phone in her coat pocket. Jane's eyes darted out of the window. The bus was two stops away from the girls' stop. As Jane returned her attention to the Wendy, her eyes widened. 'I'll just get off the bus a stop early,' Jane realised, and slipped the straps of her backpack onto her shoulders, as she rose from her seat. Standing up, Jane jabbed her thumb into the 'Bus Stopping' button and raced down the stairs of the double decker bus. 'Please don't follow me. Please don't follow me. Please don't follow me,' Jane repeated over and over in her mind, as she waited at the bus driver's side. Her heart hammered against its imprisonment, beating louder and louder with each passing second.

With a jolt, the bus pulled into the bus stop. Jane thanked the bus driver and hopped off the bus. Pulling her phone out of her pocket, the red head raised it to her ear and pretended to make a call, as she increased her pace. As the tightening in her chest increased, Jane arched her head over her shoulder. Her eyes darted about, scanning the area for any sign of Wendy. Spotting Wendy still sat at the top, front window seat of the bus, behind the driver, a sense of relief washed over Jane, and she let out a breath that she had not realised that she was holding. 'Phew,' she breathed a sigh of relief, as the bus remained at the bus stop for some time. 'It must be early,' Jane assumed. Continuing her walk up the road, Jane glanced back a few more times, before she reached the top of her road. The bus was only just beginning to pull away from the previous stop. A soft smile prodded into the right corner of Jane's cheek. She had escaped Wendy's encounter, this time.

- Josie -

Job Update

Leaving my job as an Administrator, and taking a job as a General Office Assistant, which is, basically, an Office Junior, has felt, in part, a mistake. I could no longer stay at my administration job. It was a very toxic workplace, which made me feel mentally ill. My manger did not believe in people taking a mental health break/moment, as her sister has Bipolar and has never taken an afternoon, day or week off work for mental health reasons, therefore she said that no one else should ever require to take a mental health break. The director also could not understand why I, physically, was unable to talk to my manager, when I would rather take my own life than come back to work. I sat in a room and told them both so, and they said that I was acting like, "A silly child." I had already been looking to leave the company, and had casually been looking for jobs, on and off, but this made me determined to leave.

I had a few interviews at other administration jobs, but I was never the person that they picked for the job, despite feeling as though I did well in the interviews. The only place that offered me a job, is where I am based now. I have returned to a solicitors. Although it is a different law firm, the job is identical to the previous Office Assistant role that I had from 2018-2022. It is less money than my administration job, and I now have to use a considerable chunk of my money on public transport, but at least I am away from the toxic workplace. My only worry is that I have a sinking feeling that I have taken a step backwards, career-wise. I mean, it is a step down. When my current manager interviewed me, he said at the time that I was overqualified for the job. My day-to-day activities and responsibilities are even less than when I was at my previous law firm, but I could never return there either, because the toxicity there was even worse (with a member of staff telling me that I did not deserve my job, and nobody wants me to exist).

So, here I am… sat at my desk, for a very lovely company, feeling like I do not belong. My supervisor is lovely, and I feel as though I get along fine with my manager too. I have only been here four weeks, but after my second week being here, my manager said to me, "It's like you have been here two months, not two weeks." It is a shame that there is not some magical position that they could invent for me. At my old solicitors, I was, "Donna-in-training." Donna was the name of my Office Manager, but as Covid hit, they made all of the office managers redundant. During Covid, I was doing my job, the other Office Assistant's job, the Office Manger's job, the Archivist's job, and the two Receptionists' jobs, but with only being paid an Office Junior salary.

At my new workplace, there is not a lot to do. It is very quiet, most of the time. It has given me the opportunity to work on my mental health, over the last four weeks. I am very worried that here will always be quiet, though. It is not as if I can work my way up either, because my supervisor and manger are very settled here. I am old enough to be the mother of the person working my job, but it seems that the only job I am able to get is this job.

- Josie -

Snowman O'Clock

It’s snowman o’clock,
You’re at the front of my mind.
I thought I’d moved on,
But now it feels like a lie.
I’m strong,
Now I’m weak.
How’d you do this to me?
On my strongest days
Why do I find I miss you?

- Josie -