Colleagues in my Office Part 4

(Josie Sayz: This is getting to be a regular thing. Jeff says some rather strange and annoying things. The only way that I am able to cope is by writing them down. Luckily, for me, he only works on Tuesdays and Wednesdays, and he retires soon. This is what I had to put up with for the first couple of hours today.)

*Eats sausage sandwich loudly. Makes tongue lapping noises, the very second that work begins.*
How’s you do that? I dunno.
Oh, yeah.
Got that wrong then.
I got that wrong.
So, that’s changed.
Oh yeah.
Perfect, well done. Perfection personified, whatever that means.
There it is.
Ooh, *inaudible grumbling* I dunno what I’m doin’.
Yer got that wrong then.
OH DEAR, DEAR, DEAR, DEAR, DEAR!
I’d like to inform you that…
Oh, just one.
Oh, UK.
Oh, it’s you.
Scan it in.
Right, let’s go fer it.
I done that, ent I?
Erm… right… I, errr… done.
Ger on. Got one then.
That’s strange.
OH, THESE ARE NEW!
Thought they were old.
I’ll get on with this one, then.
(Expletive)
Oh fer (expletive) Jeff, will yer stop doin’ it?
I know where I, I know here I am now.
Right, brilliant.
*Burps.*
Let’s ‘ave a look, shall we?
Right, where am I? Come on, we know what we’re doin’.
Stock.
*Sneezes, but makes a screaming noise at the end of the sneeze that echoes into the corridor.*
Right, now what I want then.
I wanted… there, simple.
Tony all, some, wha.
Get a life, will yer?
That’s wrong.
Car-nate, I don’t wanna, car-nate, could be trouble.
Oh, she keeps changin’ these. Oh, I’ll find out.
Sounder beacons wrong?
Er… er…
Beacon.
*Inaudible grumbling.*
Good job!
Right.
‘ave ‘im.
I know what t’ do.
Go on the Klaxon website, that’d what I’m gonna do.
Trouble with Klaxon is everything comes up as (expletive) advertisin’.
*Inaudible grumbling* that’s Klaxon.
Right.
Workin’ on it!
*Grunts.*
Now.
*Opens ‘Walkers’ chicken crisps (I could smell them) with his mouth open, one hour after eating sausage sandwich. Eats with mouth open. Makes lots of tongue lapping noises.*
*Inaudible shouting.*
Okay, now I know where I am. Klaxon. Now, let’s go see if (expletive) head is in.
How is it in this fine country a yours?
Why yer got so many (expletive) certificates?
Why is that like that?
Arh, UK time.
Oh fer (expletive) sake, who *inaudible grumbling* to?
Who ‘e sent that to?
Right, we’re there.
Take circuits!
*Inaudible grumbling* I’ll go sort that out now.
Arrh!
That’s it, perfect.
Hmm…
I dunno what I’m doin’.
Oh no, it’s right!
Well, that shouldn’t be on.
Oh, that’s right, you Twuh!
Oh dear, dear, dear.
Is this the same, then?
*Fake laughs.*
Uh-oh.
One thousand, one hundred and twenty tills?
Huh?
Use that one then!
I don’t understand that one. I don’t. I don’t understand it. I don’t understand that one.
*Eats a cupcake.*
*Tongue lapping nosies.*
I dun understand this.
That’s *inaudible grumbling* that’s the one I want.
Arrr… naught.
Some-at not right here.
I’m confused.
Why is that there? I dunno.
That ain’t gone is it? No, the two hundred’s still there.
Musta be backorder.
*Grumbles.*
Grrrr!
Don’t like that.
Let’s ‘ave a look.
Yer, perfect.
Right, one thing to do, transactions.
RIGHT!
Good ol’ Jon.
Memory!
There ‘e is!
Good ol’ Steven Sherwood.
That’s be good, en it!
That’ll do.
All sorted.
Is that it?
WWOAH!!!
Got it.
*In a very small child’s screaming voice:* NAAAAAAH!
(Expletive) great AI assistant, What a loada rubbish that is.
*Eats a slice of cake, with his mouth open.*
*Tongue lapping noises.*
Echo.
Pebbler Fuchs!
Very good.
Oh, it’s two of ‘em, enit, yer.
Oh yes, it’s two labels.
Too many paws. That’s too many paws.
*Angrily:* What’s wrong with this?

- Josie -