Colleagues in my Office - Part 3

(Josie Sayz: This is part three of the annoying things that Jeff says. Jeff is my colleague that sits at my immediate left elbow, at a right angle to me. He is rude, vile, racist, far right-wing and speaks his internal monologue. I only ever include the clean, condensed version of things that he says in the office. This was the majority of the first two hours on Tuesday morning of this week.

Here are part one and two, if you are interested:
Part 1: https://josiesayz.blogspot.com/2024/11/colleagues-in-my-new-office.html  
Part 2: https://josiesayz.blogspot.com/2024/12/colleagues-in-my-office-part-2.html).

How can it be invalid?
Oow. OOOW!
How many emails I got? 156.
I’ll take it. It ain’t that many.
Okay.
Hmm. Oow.
Very good. Very good.
Hmmm *tongue lapping noises.*
*Inaudible grumbling.*
You phoned ‘em up? No?
I’ll phone ‘em up an’ ‘ave a chat.
When’d they send that?
I got 136 emails now.
What did Packed Pie do together?
That was in July.
I don’t understand that one.
I got an invoice I didn’t know I got.
Fer God’s sake.
Eleven’s comin’ up.
Oh…
Here ’e is.
(Expletive.)
*Inaudible grumbling.*
*Microwaves and then eats a McDonalds egg and bacon sandwich.*
*Tongue lapping.*
*Says with mouth full:* Right – got it!
Err, what’s e done?
How the (expletive) am I supposed t’ know?
*Tongue lapping.*
Erm. ERM!
What’s next?
(Expletive.)
Have time.
Oh, for (expletive) sake.
(Expletive) loads.
Good ol’ Echo and the bunny men.
OH NO!
Ordered a loada stuff from (expletive) Mouser. (Expletive) delete.
Delete. Delete. Delete. Delete. Delete. Delete. Delete.
Dear Echo and the bunny men.
Oh no, what does ‘e want?
Good ol’ Marc.
A-run-ally.
Mister.
Oh, gonna label.
*Inaudible grumbling.*
Bee star.
Oh, musta panicked it them.
No, it ent come in then.
Pipper.
*Inaudible grumbling* recruitment.
Right, that’s it then.
*Inaudible grumbling* should.
Have a lovely Christmas.
Oh no!
(Expletive) freezing.
Right, let’s have a look.
Oh, ‘ere it is, yer (expletive).
Morning, morning.
Can’t find it now.
What’s Tony’s name; I’ve forgotten.
I’ll beat yer to it.
It can’t be that far away by now.
It's getting on my nerves.
Nineteenth? When did we pack up?
Hold it. Hold it!! HOLD IT!!!
*Chuckles to himself.*
Be aware a that.
That’s all I’ll say.
‘ere ‘e is.
Ooh, flippin’ ‘eck, it’s cold.
How many (expletive) days is he sayin?
*Shouts very loudly,* BLOODY COLD!
Register. Got to it straight away.
Unbelievable Jeff.
So, the next one.
BRR… God, it’s cold.
Gotta book boardroom, before Numpties take it.
LOVE IT!
*Eats a packet of Walkers chicken flavoured crisps 30 minutes after is McDonalds’ breakfast sandwich. I could smell the crisps, despite having a cold and not being able to smell anything).*
*Makes tongue lapping noises.*
Three, two, four, three, oh, hmmm.
Three, left!
*Cheers loudly.*
Right. That’s all done – ent took that long.
*In the same tone as “Where’s Johhny?”* Where’s Simon?
Oh, it’s the production meeting.
*Inaudible grumbling.*
I’m dully coated.
I’m coating.
Coated.
ECHO! OH!
Oh, come on, Jeff, it’s July.
You don’t know how that works out, do ya?
Seventh.
*Imitates our French salesman.*
AUGUST!
Arh-umm.
So, it’s thirteenth to seventeenth.
And twentieth.
That’s twenty-seventh to thirty-first.
What time is it?
Right, coats is done.
Simon comin’?
Oh dear! Oh well.
Let’s ‘ave a look!
Will yer just go up there.
(Expletive under breath.)
(Expletive) will you just-
Section five.
(Expletive under breath) hell.
Right, let’s go through it.
Suppose I gotta go see these muppets, eh?
Three, one, nine, five, three.
OH DEAR!
*Inaudible grumbling.*
*Eats cupcake with mouth open.*
*Tongue lapping.*
(Expletive) off!
*Eats more cupcake and makes disgusting mouth noises.*
I dunno what I’m (expletive) lookin’ at *inaudible grumbling.*
Nearly goin’ on.
Right then!
Hmm…
Hmmmmmm…
Hmm mmm mm mm
Oh, I dunno where it gone.
Umburn.
Wart. Six. Seven. Six.
*Shouts louder than ever before,* ARG NOO!
Right, let’s go through these batch allocations.
*Screams and shouts in panic, like he is being chased and attacked.*
Ent even on there. What the hell’s wrong with me?
*Swears under breath, then inaudible grumbling.*
Oh, err, yeah.
Hmm… I didn’t know that.
*Frustratedly:* What am I (expletive) doing? I dunno what I’m (expletive) doin’ an’ it’s getting’ worse!
(Expletive) hell, this hard work. I don’t *inaudible grumbling.*
*Angrily:* What I’m (expletive) doin’? It’s not a batch allocation, that’s why.*Scolds himself:* You stupid person! Oh wait… it is… I’m confused then.
*Yells screams of panic at the top of his voice.*
Nearly done.
What am I (expletive) doin’ now?
*Inaudible grumbling.*
What did I use to sort outta this?
If I look at that again, I’m gonna cry. I’m gonna cry!
Oh, I know. Ah.
I’m sure I printed that off afor.
Or is that it?
COME ON! HURRY UP!
*Inaudible grumbling,* you know.
*Slams desk as loud as possible, twice.*
Oh, that’s a…
I dunno why I bother ‘ere.
It's no good.
Right, where am I? I forgot already.
Test procedure – lucky I wrote it down. That’s why I wrote it down.
I get sick a this. I got loads a stuff ‘ere, loads a it.
By one, ow, one.

- Josie -