Showing posts with label alone. Show all posts
Showing posts with label alone. Show all posts

21 April 2023

Random Poetry Collection

(Josie Sayz: I have a collection of random pieces of poetry and stanzas, in my notepad that I have been carrying everywhere with me, for about the last year. There are many things that never made it into full poems, or they did, but they didn’t make it into any of my anthologies, that and/or I didn’t feel comfortable posting them on their own. As I get ready to start a new notepad, I wanted to collect all of these lost, little poems and stanzas, and put them together in one place, so that I don’t lose them and know where to find them, if I ever need them.)

I Needed You
I needed you,
But you weren’t there.
I almost died,
No one cared.
I was there for you,
When you wanted to die.
You said we’d always be friends,
Now I know that’s a lie.


You & Me Only
I’m waiting for my turn
To dance with you tonight,
To have you whisper in my ear,
To tell me everything will be alright.

That magical sensation,
It shakes me all through,
All from that memory.
I know you feel it too.

I’m waiting for my turn
To dance with you tonight.
Your fingers laced in mine.
I promise to hold on tight.

It could be a dream
Or throughout the day,
A thought of you will pop up
And warm my heart that way.

I’m waiting for my turn
To dance with you tonight.
Just you and me only,
Under the candle light


Incomplete
No matter how much I meditate,
Something’s wrong with my brain.
Nothing has felt right,
Since you threw me out in the November rain.
No matter who I date,
There’s an aching in my heart,
Although it’s been three years
Since we’ve been apart

You’re always racing my heartbeat.
Memories of me and you on the backseat
Everything is all of bittersweet.
I’m left feeling incomplete.

You’re sat with your fiancĂ©e,
Watching TV in your living room,
But your heart belongs to me.
I’m on the dark side of your moon.
You cannot forget me,
No matter how hard you try.
Your entire relationship
Feels like you’re living a lie.

You thought your life was concrete,
But memories leave you feeling obsolete.
I’m that part of your mind you can’t delete
Got you left feeling incomplete.

You were my sunshine.
I was your lifeline.
I was your saviour,
You shrugged off my waiver
Our racing heartbeats
On the backseat.
It's so bittersweet.
You can’t delete.
Until we next meet
We’re left feeling incomplete.


SB
You didn’t notice
When I went away.
When I planned to end my life
On that cold, September day.
You didn’t notice
Didn’t have a clue
Because I never wanted my world to be
Him, me and you.

You told lies to his face,
That he’d always believe.
Because you knew one day
That he would make me leave.
You didn’t care that he loved me,
So longs as he put you first.
I hope you’re proud of yourself,
Because now he and I are both cursed.

Three years pass by,
I saw you last week.
I was let frozen with fear,
As you walked the street.
Three years of freedom,
Vanished in a heartbeat.
It all came flooding back.
The PTSD I can’t delete.

Deep down I know,
I’m still in his heart,
But because of your doing,
We’ll be forever apart.
I wished more than anything,
He and I could still be friends,
Your such a selfish witch,
I hope you meet your end.


KAB
There’s so much I didn’t tell you,
So much you didn’t see.
Now you’re long gone,
You’ll never know what you meant to me.
I wish that I could tell you,
I wish you had the time.
How many girls out there
Would write you your own rhyme?

 

- Josie -

30 March 2020

Portal Conversation - Orion's Experience


(Josie Sayz: More archiving. Orion is a character from my ‘Fantasy Writing’ module at university. I wasn’t allowed to name him Orion in the end, because of the name’s connotations – I don’t see how or why that has ever stopped anyone before. Stupid Wendy! I don’t think I ever told her that her name isn’t real anyway! I bet she wouldn’t have liked that. Orion is a farmer/fighter from a Medieval time zone. Whilst fighting an orc, he falls into a portal that transports him to the modern world. This is Orion’s experience.)

He charged forwards. Holding his hoe between both hands, Orion ran through the woodland marsh towards the orc. Growling, its green mass towered over him. It stood staring at him, smug. With a war cry he leapt forward, thrusting his hoe towards the beast. It chuckled, as it side-stepped. Orion skidded. The sodden ground gave no grip. He swung his arm out to grab hold of a tree, but the sun shone in his eyes and he missed it, scraping his arm against the trunk. His sleeve tore. Falling forwards, he plummeted into the River Brackon. His head submerged. He gasped. Water flooded into his mouth, his nostrils and his ears. Kicking his legs, he jabbed the hoe towards the river’s bed. It pushed him up. He splashed his arms, grabbing out for the river’s bank.
Clutching onto the grass with his right hand, the flung his hoe out of the water, freeing his other hand. He grunted. His biceps strained, as he heaved himself out of the river. Kneeling on all fours he panted, water saturating the patch of land beneath him. Chocking, he punched his chest, trying to clear it from mouthfuls of river. He heard voices. Footsteps ran by. Grabbing his hoe, he hauled himself up. Water crashed around him. He jabbed his hoe into the ground and leant against it, panting. His clothes clung to his skeletal frame. Taking in sharp, raspy breaths, he pressed his hand to his chest. His heart thudded against his ribcage. His chest’s expansion and contraction slowly began to decrease in pace.
 Shaking the water from his hair, he looked up, searching for the orc. He jerked his head. Taking in a sharp breath, he spun is head to his left, then right. The sky was dark. The land before him deserted. The trees were gone. He spun around. The marshy thicket that he had been standing in had vanished. He swallowed hard. His breathing quickened. His heard drummed louder. Edging forwards he took in his new surroundings. To his far left was a line of trees, thin and leafless – nothing like the wide trunked and bushy leaved ones that he was familiar with. Where was the forest? His woodland thicket? The marshy grasses? He turned to his right – to the water which he had emerged from. A grey path ran alongside it, with what appeared to be a bridge running over the river, but it was nothing like any of the beamed bridges that he had ever seen. It looked like it might have been made of a shining stone, but it was so large and huge, vertical, metal spikes poked out from it, like prison bars. It looked like a torcher device.
Clawing his hand through his hair, he shuffled forwards. Buildings lined the edge of the grassy area in which he stood. They were no more than a hundred feet away. Their structure was strange, he thought. They were neither wooden nor stone. Deep mud-red coloured rectangles covered them, but what they were and how they stacked together made his brow furrow. As he neared the buildings, a high howling sound, which soon became low and distant and accompanied by a low rumble rang in his ears. He heard it again, this time louder. What he could only describe as boxes on wheels zoomed by, with people inside. His breathing became heavier. Gripping his forehead, he pinched his temples with his thumb and forefinger. Staggering forwards, he gazed up at the many vertical poles with glowing boxes at their peak. ‘What are they? And how do they glow?’ he wondered.
“Watch where you’re walking?” growled a beige-cloaked woman as she stalked past him.
“Erm, sorry,” he mumbled. “I-”
“Don’t mind her,” said a red-haired guy, who stopped beside him. “Say,” he said with a chuckle. “Are you dressed for Hallowe’en all ready?” He gestured at Orion’s tunic and the hoe.
“Hallow…?” Orion attempted to repeat, but the word baffled his brain and his pronunciation faded. His eyes narrowed and his brow creased.
“Hallowe’en… thirsty-first of October… trick-or-treating… fancy dress…” The red-haired guy gave a sigh, as Orion shook his head, with the creases on his forehead hardening. “You alright?” asked the stranger, noticing Orion’s dripping clothes, heaving chest and continuous puzzled expression.
Parting his lips, Orion stuttered the beginnings of several sentences, before swallowing hard. “I… where am I?”
“Buxtone Park.” Orion’s frown remained; the man’s words meaningless.
“East side of Harrowdun City…”
Looking around at his strange surroundings, Orion shook his head. ‘I know that I have lost my memory once,’ he told himself. ‘But it is not happening again.’ Pinching his eyes shut he clenched his fists and tightened his muscles. He held his breath. He counted to three. He pierced open his eyes. “No!” he breathed. He was still there. The red-haired guy still stood beside him. He pulled at his fringe. Blinking hard he tried to prevent his eyes from leaking. “Wh, wh, what happened t, to my village… the forest… and the orc?”
“Orc?” he laughed, but Orion did not seem to notice.
“I was in the middle of a battle,” Orion explained, staring beyond his converser. His body stiffened. His stomach churned as his sense of fear and determination returned. “The orc, it tricked me, I fell into the river, I-”
“You’re… serious?”
Orion stared at the guy beside him. He did not appear to be that much older than himself. Staring at the stranger’s clothes, Orion mused, ‘Elizabeth would love to see this man’s clothing.’ The man had grey trousers and a matching jacket, but there was no tunic, no tailored patterning at the cuffs or belt at his waist. Instead he wore some kind of white undergarment showing underneath his grey jacket. And there was a black material that knotted and dangled from his neck. Was the material for his master to pull him by? But he did not have the appearance of a slave. His clothes were clean. Orion’s analysis of the man ended as he flinched at the return of the howling sound, as another box with wheel rolled by.
The man beside him smirked. “You really aren’t from around here, are you?” Orion shook his head. “That my friend,” he said gesturing at the moving wheeled box. “Is a car.”
Orion shuddered. “Does it always make that sound?”
“Only when the driver’s got road rage and is trying to skip a red light. The horn’s Doppler effect can be a little disorientating at first,” he said sliding his glasses back up his nose.
“Car? Horn? Doppler…?”
“Don’t worry,” said the man with a smile, patting him on the shoulder. “You’ll get used to it.” Orion forced a smile and nodded, unaware of how else to respond. He did not want to get used it. He wanted to return to his village. A nervous laugh escaped his mouth. The guy with red hair smirked again. “I’m Chuck by the way,” he said with a nod. “Do you have a name?”
“Orion.”
“Nice to meet you, Orion.” He held out his hand. Orion shook it. “Arh, so you know how to shake hands.”
Orion swiped his hand away. “Are you making fun of me?”
“No! No!” gasped Chuck, throwing his hands up in surrender. “I was merely stating the facts.” Orion glared at him.
Hearing a ping, Orion’s head sprang up. The contraption above them that had a green glow to it had changed to red. “How did it do that?” he gasped, pointing.
“What?”
“That, up there,” he said eagerly. It pinged again, turning from red, to amber and back to green. “It did it again.”
“That’s a traffic light.”
“How does it change its colour?”
“Electricity,” replied Chuck.
“Elec-what?”
“Electricity,” Chuck repeated. “It’s like a power source.”
“So, it is like the sun?”
“Kind of.”
Chuck examined Orion (as Orion remained staring up at the traffic light), stroking his chin with his index finger. “You know,” he said. “This is fascinating.”
“What is?” shrugged Orion.
“You,” he said gesturing both his hands at Orion. “Something has obviously happened to you. A case of agnosia maybe, or amnesia…”
“No!” The yelp escaped him. He could not help it. “I do not have amnesia – not again. What I have told you… it is the truth. This… this place… these cars, horns and el-ec-tri-city that you speak of… although I can understand you, these words that you use, they are like another language… it is like I am in another world… maybe I am…”
“Orion,” Chuck exclaimed, trying to break him out of his ramblings. “Would you care to join me? I’d like to get you out of those wet clothes and then ask you a few questions, about what you can remember and where you believe you are from.”
 “You still don’t believe me, do you?”
“No,” said Chuck, with an elongated vowel sound. “It’s not that I don’t believe you, I’m just so intrigued by the entire situation. I would love to know more about this, this, this experience that you have encountered.” Hesitant, Orion took a step back. “I am a Scientist, you see,” he went on. “And I would love to make note of what has just occurred.”
“Scientist?” Orion repeated, as the creases on his forehead returned.
“Yes, yes. I am very interested in the human brain. It won’t be long. Just a few questions on what you remember, where you’re from, how you got here.”
“Can you help me get back?” he gasped. His eyes widened. His heart pounded.
“Yes,” Chuck replied, crossing his fingers behind his back. “I can attempt.” He gazed at the boy, hoping to gain his trust. “So, what do you say Orion… will you come along?”
Eyes raised and brow puckered, he stared ahead at the man. Did he trust him? He was yet to decide. The one thing he knew was that if this Chuck could help him find his way back home, then he needed to play along. “Okay,” he agreed. Chuck eyes widened and a grin stretched across his face.
“This way,” he said gesturing to the path at his right. As Chuck led the way Orion followed, looking back to the river at the point where he had stumbled upon this peculiar world.

- Josie -

09 March 2020

Significant Object


(Josie Sayz: More archiving. More university flash fictions. Another one from my ‘Life Writing’ module. This one is about my most significant childhood object.)

I’ve never been a people person. When I was little I hated nursery, I hated school. In fact, I hated anything that involved the need to talk to other people. But that does not mean that I was lonely.
Watching other children playing games and then crying when someone cheated, someone changed the rules, or just wasn’t being nice, made me glad that I wasn’t like them. I had my own companion. He never cheated in games, or pushed me over, or got me into trouble and he was always there when I needed him. Unlike any human, he was the best friend anyone could ever ask for. His name was Purple Teddy. Okay, so maybe it wasn’t the most creative of name choices, but names don’t always reflect personality.
Purple Teddy went with me everywhere; to the shops, to the park and even to nursery – that is when I went to nursery. Every day, Purple Teddy and I would hatch a new plan to try and stay at home. We tried pretending to be sick, but Purple Teddy gave us away, he wasn’t very good at fake sneezing. Then we pretended to have spotty-itous, but my felt tip smudged when Mommy made us wash our hands. So then we tried to pretend we had tummy ache, but Mrs. Low never believed us. I had liked my teacher, Mrs. Low, until I discovered that she was really a wicked witch. She was aware of my distance from the other children and was determined to put an end to it.
One day, after I had finished making a commotion over having to come to nursery, Mrs. Low snatched Purple Teddy away from me and stuffed him in a box, out of sight. It wasn’t fair! Other boys and girls were allowed to bring things with them to play with and they never got taken away. Their things were less important than mine too: a yo-yo, a pack of cards, a toy car. These toys often lay forgotten on the floor, only to be remembered at home time.
My pretend tummy ache turned real and I clenched my hands into fists, as I watched Mrs. Low disappear into the Teachers-Only-room with Purple Teddy. However, this time I decided I didn’t want to cry… I wanted to get even. No one was allowed to take Purple Teddy away from me, not even Mommy. Mrs. Low had crossed the line and I needed a plan to get him back. The only problem was, Purple Teddy was better at coming up with plans than me. He was always the one who came up the schemes to try and get us to stay at home, but now, I was on my own. It was up to me to save him.
The wicked witch prowled the playroom, spying on all of the other boys and girls. While she told Tiffany off for throwing sequins and glitter around the room, I made a dash for the make-pretend room.
Lifting her head out of the dress-up box, Sophie asked me to play shop keeper with her and David in the pretend shop. I didn’t want to play, but I hoped that if I dressed up Mrs. Low would think that I was someone else and wouldn’t find me. Then I would have time to think of my rescue mission. Putting a floppy straw hat on my head, a spikey feather scarf around my neck, I knew that I was now undetectable. Buying a plastic apple, I handed Sophie my play money, as I looked over my shoulder through the door of the playroom. My eyes froze open as they faced the figure in the doorway. There, stood Mrs. Low in her ‘nice lady’ disguise that witches have, and smiled at us. My disguise had worked – she didn’t recognise me.
After Sophie and David became bored playing shop, I managed to sneak off into the play castle. It wasn’t really a castle, there were no turrets for princesses to hide, or moats full of crocodiles or dragons, but there was a corner, known as the ‘den’, piled high with cushions and blankets for when the princess needed to sleep on a pea. I traded the straw hat and prickly scarf for the princess’ cone hat and crawled inside the den.
I thought I was safe to conjure my plan, until Derrick, Jack and a nasty bully named Adam ran into the castle declaring a fight between the King and the Cannon Shooters. Balls were hurled around the make-pretend room, destroying the castle and the den. Scrambling out from the den, I ran to seek shelter elsewhere.
There wasn’t anyone sat on the carpet, where the books were kept, so I decided to continue my mission from there. The book rack was next to the Teachers-Only-room, where Purple Teddy was held captured, so I decided to keep guard. I leant all of my weight against the door, but it wouldn’t open and I was too short to reach the lock. Even if I piled all of the books on top of each other, I still wouldn’t be able to reach the lock. Knowing that I might be able to use an idea from a story to free Purple Teddy, I grabbed several books from out of the rack and set them around me on the floor.
Just as I was about to discover how Tiny Ted freed the trapped mouse, Mrs. Low gathered everyone onto the carpet and swept the books away from me, placing them back in the rack. Once everyone was quiet she explained that because Derrick, Jack and Adam had destroyed the make-pretend room, we all had to stay on the carpet until it was home time.
At first, I thought this was good news. Sometimes if someone brings in a toy that’s too big (like a bicycle or a scooter) it gets placed in the Teachers-Only-room until the end of the day. At the end of the day, we all sit on the carpet and Mrs. Owl makes us sing ‘If You’re Happy and You Know It’, or ‘One Finger, One Thumb Keep Moving’, then people get their toys back. But today, Mrs. Low has made us sit in a circle and talk about our favourite foods, then our favourite colours, whether we liked the sun or the rain and what makes us happy or sad. I wanted to say that Mrs. Low made me feel sad for stealing Purple Teddy, but I knew that she would never give him back if I did, so when it was my turn I just repeated whatever someone else said and prayed that it was home time soon.
Hours seem to drag by as we went around the circle sharing what Mrs. Low called ‘friendly thoughts,’ and what I called: ‘secrets.’ Eventually, punishment was over as Mrs. Owl entered the room. She made us all gather around her to sing our end-of-nursery-song, whilst Mrs. Low went into the Teachers-Only-room.
When Mrs. Low returned, she wore her ‘nice lady’ disguise again and handed Louise and Adam their bicycles and Luis his scooter, but Purple Teddy was still held captive. After the song was over, Mrs. Owl led everyone to the coats and bags room, before going outside to meet their parents, but Mrs. Low made me stay behind. My arms went all bumpy and started to shake. I felt my insides twist in knots as my tummy ache came back. The evil witch, Mrs. Low, was going to capture me too.
Once everyone had left the room, Mrs. Low crouched down to my height and placed her hand upon my shoulder. I squinted my eyes shut and turned my face away from hers. “My, haven’t you been a good girl today,” she said in her smiley voice. “You’ve been playing with Sophie and David, haven’t you?” I gasped and jerked my head to face her. Mrs. Low had seen through my earlier disguise. How could she? She must have cast a spell on me. “See,” she continued. “You don’t need to bring your bear with you. You can play with the other boys and girls.” Releasing my shoulder from her grasp, she went back into the Teachers-Only-room and gave me back Purple Teddy. Amazed, I closed my eyes, squeezing him tight – I was never going to let her or anyone else steal him again.
Before Mrs. Low could change her mind, I ran into the coats and bags room to put on my coat, so that I could go home. On the way home I told Purple Teddy everything that happened during my attempts to save him and he revealed the torture that he had been through whilst trapped inside Mrs. Low’s lair. Once home, we declared that we would never be separated again.
Seventeen years later, I find myself having a bad dream about a wicked sorcerous trying to capture me at university. Having been chased around campus, I finally found a dark room to hide inside. As the tremble of her footsteps near, my heartbeat races and I jump as my alarm clock drums in my ear. Waking up, I flinch, knowing that something is missing. I turn frantically from left to right trying to restore normality. Reaching down onto the floor I clutch my purple bear tightly in my hand, before giving him a squeeze and placing him back on my bed.

- Josie -