Colleagues In My Office - Part 2

(Josie Sayz: The frustrating things that my colleagues do irritate me so much, that sometimes the only way that I can cope, is by writing it all down, so here is a list of some things that happened on Tuesday.)

This is the following ramble of actions, as well as spoken and shouted things, from Jeff, the person who sits at my elbow, literally, as our desks meet in an L-shape and I have to sit so tightly tucked in it is a good job that I am not bigger than a UK size 8, otherwise there would be no room for me. Anyways, enjoy!

*Bangs table”
Come on.
Here we go.
Sixty-one, eighteen, we hit the jackpot!
Hi Jeff!
Cyber Monday!
*Eats bacon and egg McMuffin with mouth open, and proceeds to make tongue lapping noises for the next ten minutes*
Mmm *inaudible grumbling*
Uh, ‘eard anything from Amazon?
*Speaks, while chewing food * Got invoice ‘ere.
Martin Go-go-go-go-arum!
Martin Go-go-go-go!
Hmm…
That’ll do it later.
‘Ere he is.
*Inaudible grumbling*
Still don’t know why.
Right!
Argh!
Ooow *grumbles*
*Leaves room after twelve minutes, but returns five minutes later*
RIGHT! LET’S KICK IT AROUND!
Let’s look.
It ain’t bookin’ an’ packin’.
Argh *inaudible grumbling”
Oh east.
I’m sure you don’t mind this.
Oh, I’m gonna sort this out again.
Yer gonna get it.
This seems strange, this one.
Oh ‘eck, this is even worse.
Oh, I gotta get this one.
Three, two, one done ‘em.
I dunno where this one… two… two… six.
Okay, I dunno then.
Arh, there’s another one.
*Slams a ream of paper down on the desk very loudly. The monitor on his desk and the two on my
desk shake, as do the stationary pots*
Where am I?
I don’t want these new ones coming in.
I don’t know what they’ve expletive done.
*After answering an internal phone call, he then growls loudly and slams his hand on the desk*
I don’t know where I was now
How am I gonna…?
Two, six, oh.
Echo!
I ain’t got a clue with this airfreight bit.
I dunno where I am now.
(Expletive) hard work, ya know.
Bee star! Delivery!
(Expletive)
Come on bee star one, two, three.
Nah, that don’t make any sense.
I got two bee stars, en I?
Right!
What’s this one then?
I don’t (expletive) know.
I don’t know where that one’s comin’ from.
OH! Oh!
Oh dear!
*inaudible muttering*
Right, got there.
Right, that’s done.
I know where that come from.
Hmmm.
Oh!
*inaudible mumbling*
Oow-errrr.
Argh, gotcha.
Where’s the box gone?
ARGH!!!
Two, two, eight – what’s this one?
*growls*
Ain’t got a number on this one.
It’s a right mess.
I’ve had enough.
I don’t know.
*slams desk*
(expletive)
*growls*
(very loud conversation over my head with person on other side of me)
Is this the one?
So…
*inaudible gambling*
Yep, that’s good.
Echo!
Echo and the Bunny men.
Tee star… bee star.
Two, two, eight (expletive).
I don’t understand.
It’s one then, ennit, but I dunno which one it is.
It’s gotta be that one, ennit.
YES!
(expletive) one, nine, two.
*inaudible grumbling*
Oow. THIS IS IT!
That’s it! Brilliant! Got it.
*grumbled mumbling*
Oh no, meant to close that.
*Opens a packet of chicken flavoured crisps. Eats with mouth open and proceeds to make tongue lapping sounds for another ten minutes*
Right, this, now we’re going.
Ten, seventy-seven, four, nine, two.
RIGHT! Got this one.
*inaudible grumbling* that’s weight.
That’s the dark.
Two, thirty, zee can.
Oh (expletive) I’m *inaudible grumbling*
*Tongue lapping*
I didn’t say to (expletive) install!
Was I on one, three, four? I don’t remember.
*Talks on phone loudly*
(Expletive)
What time is it?
Gotta get down me emails.
Peppler and Fuche!

All of this was within the first hour and a half of the day. Meanwhile, during Jeff’s loud internal monologue, my manager (who site on my right) cleared his throat fifteen times, did twelve over exaggerated sighs and cracked his fingers eight times within the same time span as Jeff’s monologue above.

As I am writing this, today is Friday and neither annoying person were in the office today. I had the whole side room to myself. It was so quiet and peaceful. My brain didn’t feel scrambled, for once.

I am sure that there will be many more of these, in the future. This is just a little something to help me feel more sane at work.

- Josie -