Having A Good Day

Today has been a good day. I was not going to write anything for my blog today, but I thought that I always write about the bad things, so I wanted to make an effort to write about the good things. I was so busy over the weekend that I did not have time to unwind and recharge. I have learnt, over the years, that my brain needs to rest and recover from the week, so, when things are constant, I can feel really drained.
          I am really tired today, and my back is in agony, however, I am in a great frame of mind, mentally. I do not know whether it was having a clear out, over the weekend, that did it, or whether it was spending almost four hours peeling teeny tiny pieces of painted-over wallpaper off the bedroom ceiling, at my maisonette, and only having 4/5 of the wallpaper remaining… but that was the ceiling where part of the wallpaper fell down, because the two water pipes burst in the loft, above the bedroom. I still have a three metre living room to attempt to peel it off in millimetres yet, but that is a rant for another day. My point is, I do not know what caused it, but I have been in a good mood today.
          I have, also, finished working on one of my big spreadsheets, at work, that I started not long after starting the job. On Friday and today, I have been helping with the manufacturing side of things, because the company is over budget for the month by £38,000, but there are still thousands of things to manufacture and two less days to do it in, this month, because of the two Bank Holidays. As I got too overwhelmed with all of the siren sound testing, on Friday, and because I have a really bad back, my boss let me screw the inner wirings of the sounder boxes in at my desk today, which was really nice of him. It was so silent upstairs, in the office. It was peaceful and therapeutic, in a way. Yes, my hands now hurt, but I did not have to attached everything to the metal plate today… probably because I used up all of the plasters and bandages in the first aid box, because my skin is sensitive, the metal plate cut open all of my fingers on Friday, and they would not stop bleeding. No one else’s skin apparently gets cut up, like mine does. It was so peaceful though. For the first time in a very long time, my brain could just be calm and steady. Yes, I was working as fast as I could, but I did not have to worry about noises and distractions. My boss came upstairs to periodically check on me, collect the things that I had made and replenish my consumable bits and bobs too, which was really kind of him. It helped my back to recover too, as I could stay in my chair.
          I know that tomorrow will not be as calm, as the senior manager is in. That reminds me, I have not done a “Things Jeff Says” post in a long while. Maybe that will be something that I do tomorrow.
          Over the weekend, I happened to find that someone in South America is selling the one thing that I always regret not purchasing (I was dating someone at the time, when I first saw it, who was against materialistic things and if it was not for them, I would have bought it). I have not searched for it for years, and I did on Sunday… and I found it… except it is being sold on the Facebook Marketplace and in South America. To be completely honest, I had no idea that Facebook still existed. Gen Z literally think that is what Linkedin is for, so I assumed it shutdown, along with Twitter, Tumblr and MySpace. I do not think I want to go down the rabbit hole rant of why a specific character holds a very special place in my heart and how it helped me through a dark point in my late teens. Seeing that someone has put one up for sale though, has given me hope that I will be able to find it one day (This is where I found it it for future me’s reference, through Google shopping search: https://www.facebook.com/marketplace/item/1179848600389386/ and this is what I am looking at).

 

            I really want to do something fun over the upcoming Bank Holiday weekend. Most trains are not running, because they always do repairs to lines on this specific weekend, every year. I know that the weather is not going to be great either, so I guess I should not feel as upset. At least it is not like the year that I was a waitress and everyone went to Barmouth on Easter Monday and teased me with photos together, outside of Knickerbocker the next day. With all of the work that needs doing to my maisonette, I guess I should not think about going anywhere. I really just want time away from everything, where I do not have to worry about bills and energy companies or my mum talking me to death. I just want to get away from it all… even if it is for a few hours.
          I still have a positive energy, even now. It is almost like something good has happened to me, but nothing has. I am definitely not going to complain, although I really wish I could deconstruct it, to try to figure out where it came from, so that I might be able to figure out how to make it return. I have been daydreaming about Tenby and Saundersfoot a lot today. It is almost like my brain is telling me that something good is about to happen, but I know I will become disappointed when nothing does happen. This is why I dislike being positive, because when good things do not come of it, it only makes me feel worse. If I think about all of the negative things that could happen, I can cope with them better, because I am prepared. For example, when you rent, I feel as though, I have to think every single day, at some point, that our landlord could ask for his house back at any moment. If I did not think about this every day, and it happened, I would be a distraught, crying, hyperventilating mess and I would be no help to my family with looking for somewhere else to live, but because I think about this every single day, at some point, it prepares me more, so if it ever does happen, yes, I would be upset, but not a hysterical, crying mess. Thinking about worst case scenarios helps you to cope better with them, when they happen.
          I am in too much of a good mood to sleep. My brain literally wants to think about holidays that I want to go on and dating someone and being happy and going for a walk on the beach, and going on a picnic, and my finished maisonette and sleeping in my new double bed, just for me, and cooking food that I want, when I want, and writing stories, and sewing, and colouring in, and making cards, and knitting, and playing computer games, and watching films and reading books. Oh, and I have always wanted to make a blanket fort! See, there are way too many fun things to think about to be able to sleep.
          And I think my brain will end it here. I know that this is not an ending or a conclusion of any kind, which makes this feel empty and pointless, but this is solely a reminder for myself of positive things and nice thoughts. And maybe, someday, someone will be my happy thought again. I have not completely given up on this, as a concept. Goodnight.

 

(ps Here is a picture of Snuffles helping me work today:)

 

- Josie -