My Year in Review – 2024

(Josie Sayz: This is a sort of review/therapy writing session of everything that happened to me in 2024.)

Okay,  so the beginning of 2024 was probably my second hardest (right after nearly dying from some unknown illness, which turned out to be Covid, while having a miscarriage all at the beginning of 2020). I was working at a company with an incredibly mentally abusive and manipulative manager, who made all of the admin team terrified to speak, breathe and ask questions. To make things even worse, the company stopped manufacturing goods at the end of November 2023, due to moving office, yet I was still taking customers orders and their money, knowing full well that nothing was going to be manufactured for some time. I have done an office move before and I know that despite booking everything in for specific dates, unforeseen circumstances arise, which means that certain things are put on hold and cancelled. Long story short, the company did not start manufacturing again until March. As the company’s telephone answerer and main sales person, I had hundreds of screaming customers emailing me and phoning me every single day, demanding an answer to when their order would be ready and I was not allowed to tell them that we were not manufacturing anything, I just had to say, “I don’t know, but I will get back to you,” all of the time. One woman phoned every ten minutes for two whole days and was screaming, and I mean screaming at me. No one else in the entire company had to endure any of this, just me, as I was the only telephone answerer, the only sales department and the only complaints department.

I had a week’s holiday on the last week of January, because I felt so mentally unstable that if I answered one more phone call, I was going to break down and cry hysterically. I also have a problem with the teenage girl, who lives next door, who bangs on the wall, talks at the top of her voice on the phone from 5pm until midnight, sets her alarm for multiple times in the night so that she can periodically bang on the wall, scratch the wall and cackle. During my week off, I placed all of my furniture against the neighbouring wall, in hopes of blocking the noise, as there is only one brick separating us from the neighbours. Sadly, covering the wall with a three door Ikea wardrobe and two bookcases did very little to sound proof the room from her. On a positive note, I got to play a lot of computer games and I had a week’s free trial on ‘Paramount Plus’. I, also, did some decluttering and donated a lot of things to the charity shop, including my Peter Pan plush collection, which was really hard for me, because I get really attached to things.

It took me until May, but I finally got another job. I did not get paid for my last week at my previous job, as the holiday year ran from April to March, and by leaving after six weeks of the calendar year and already having Good Friday, Easter Monday and the early may bank holiday, I was not entitled to any holiday, despite these days being compulsory to book as holiday, so I have been placed on an emergency tax code for the rest of the year. Oh, and the entire admin team, the estimator, one of the manufacturers and all three sales managers left the company around the same time that I did. I wonder who answers your screaming customers phone calls now and manages to calm everyone down, before transferring the calls through to the rest of the team? How do you like it now, huh? Yeah, that’s right, you complained about me constantly, but I am the best person you have ever had who was able to calm down infuriating people on the phone. I am not being big-headed – that is just fact, from multiple staff members.

I had so many interviews at the beginning of the year, but it always came down to me and someone who was too overly qualified for the job, so they got picked over me. Knowing that this was the way that employers were hiring, I played them at their own game. I applied for a job, at a law firm, as a Facilities Assistant, despite acting as Office Manager at my previous law firm (although they never did give me the title of Office Manager, I did everything that an Office Manager does and I have all of the qualifications for it). This worked! I got the job and I started in May… the only problem was that this job literally involved doing nothing most of the time. One day, I got paid to sit at my desk and read a book, that is how quiet the position was. (If you are interested in a little blog post relating to this, you can check that out here: https://josiesayz.blogspot.com/2024/06/job-update.html).

I had an opticians appointment, during the summer, as I had been having problems with my right eye. I am now legally blind in both eyes, and despite having glasses, I could not learn to drive even if I wanted to, because I cannot read registration plates from far enough away – that and my dyslexia gets the shapes of letters mixed up from a distance. I am actually quite surprised that it took sixteen additional years for my right eye to deteriorate as much as my left eye had, by the age of seventeen. On a very positive note, I got new glasses and I am in love with them. I wanted this design of glasses way back in 2016, but the opticians said that they would not suit me, but that was not the real reason – they just wanted me to purchase their own branded frames and not a designer brand. Anyways, I am not at ‘Boots Opticians’ anymore and ‘Specsavers’ were happy to let me have the frames that I wanted. I did have a really dim sales girl, who did not seem to understand the prescription needs that I have and kept trying to make me buy different lens types than the ones that I need – it was such a battle and for someone who cannot handle confrontation, this took up all of my mental energy. Then, when I went to collect the glasses, I had the same dim sales girl and she did not give me the time of day, so I ended up having to go to a different ‘Specsavers’ to get my two new frames (one for daily use and tinted pair for migraines) adjusted to fit me properly. Since having my new frames, I have had so many compliments about how much they suit me and it has given me a lot more confidence.

I have spent a lot of time, on and off over the past two years, house hunting. I spent a great portion of this year either in a really rough part of Birmingham, looking at flats, or in Hednesford. I did enquire about a house share more locally, but all house shares in my area are for after 5pm on Monday to 9am on Friday only. I found a really nice landlady in a really lovely house share and she was willing to consider me living there, and I was going to pay extra to stay there on the weekends. It was between me and someone else that she had to pick from, and although I was a better fit to her current tenants and we all got along really well, she picked the other lady, who didn’t need to live there on the weekends. House shares confuse me too, because you aren’t allowed any belongings, only clothes and bedsheets… so, what to people do with their lives outside of work? Stare at the wall?

After the house share did not work out, I still continued my search and eventually came across a flat to purchase. It is perfect! It is only a couple of miles from where I currently live. It is the exact same distance to walk to work (4.5 miles now that I have moved to another new job). There are no neighbours to the left, right or behind the property. The only neighbour is one person, below. It was supposed to be a really fast repossession process, but even that has become incredibly complicated. I am currently on week 20 of trying to purchase this flat, where the seller said if I did not complete within 7-8 weeks, they would pull out. Well, they are the ones that are holding the sale up! (If you are interested in reading more about this, I have a recent blog post summarising my stressful property purchase here: https://josiesayz.blogspot.com/2024/12/trying-to-purchase-repossessed.html).

I have been growing my hair, since 2020. I could sit on it, it was that long. My goal was always to grow it to donate it. I had been saying for over a year that I was going to get it cut, but I just never felt as though I could follow through with it. Then, one weekend, I got so annoyed with it, that I almost chopped it all off myself, but I walked to a local hairdressers and asked when their nearest appointment was. They had a cancellation that weekend. Also, this hair dressers specialises in donating hair to charities, who make wigs for young children going through cancer. I felt good getting my hair chopped off and donating it to a good cause. I also feel like me again, as I have missed my fringe so much. (If you would like to read my blog post about me donating my hair and see how long I was able to grow it, please take a look at this blog post: https://josiesayz.blogspot.com/2024/10/donating-my-hair.html).

Last year, I took part in the ‘Walk 1,000 Miles in 2023.” I started this, because my job, at the time, was 0.3 miles from my house and I was getting no exercise, especially because I was an administrator and sat on my bum for 45 hours a week. Last year, I dated a guy who was very encouraging and active. I would go on a 30 mile hike every Saturday. This year, I did not have the motivating friend, nor has my living situation been the same as it was in previous years. To begin with, I tried to keep up with the long walks on the weekends, but then this turned into walking six miles to work and six miles home everyday (I had been getting the bus, but it was draining my mental ability to concentrate, due to my sensory autism and one incredibly overwhelming bus journey, which took two and three quarter hours for the bus to get me home, when it should have only taken 50 minutes and I could walk it in 90 minutes was the final straw for me). I have moved jobs since then, and now I only have a 4.5 mile walk to work and home again, but still, it is exercise. Next year, I would like to get back into doing 30 mile hikes, in under eight hours, on the weekends again, because I really did enjoy them. This year, I have managed to walk 2,861.5 miles. I also earned the “Walk 1,000 Miles on 2024” medals, which have been a real incentive, to keep me active. (If you want to see the pictures of my medals, you can check out this blog post: https://josiesayz.blogspot.com/2024/10/walking-2000-miles-in-2024.html).

I managed to accomplish something, this year, that I have always wanted to do. I went to the Shakespeare Parade. I actually walked 40.5 miles that day. I walked to Stratford-upon-Avon and I managed to get near the front, about 20 minutes before the procession began. Stratford-upon-Avon is one of my favourite places to be. I spent three years, at college, here. It is where I fell in love with reading. It is where I feel the safest. I know every road, every street corner like the back of my hand. I was stood right next to Dame Vanessa Redgrave, who received the Pragnell Shakespeare Birthday Award, live on the news. I got to see the brass band play, as the parade was led through the town centre. I got to see Wiliam Shakespeare collect the quill and perform the signing. I got to speak to lots of people, who had all gathered to celebrate Shakespeare’s birthday. Despite it being a very crowded place, with lots going on, that usually overwhelms my autism, I managed to keep myself safe and in control. I was certain that I posted a blog post with my photos and video from the parade, but I have no idea what happened to it.

What else happened in 2024? Hmm… let’s see. Having Mr Rossi in my life has been a literal life saver. From the morning texts, to checking in with each other, to helping me learn more about my autism and providing me with breathing exercises to try to calm my anxiety and my heart’s bpm, has been invaluable. And for my most precious gift of Snuffles, so that I have a little way to manage my anxiety, and cope in crowded places with sights, sounds and smells that cause me to become so overwhelmed that it is like having hundreds of spreadsheets open in my brain at once, with the loudest sounds causing the spreadsheets to flash for my attention. Holding Snuffles and having a soft sense to focus on has helped me, even if it is just a little bit. I managed to go to the Birmingham German Christmas market this year, for the first time in seventeen years. Yes, we went on the first day of it opening, so not many people were aware that it had opened yet, but I did it! That was all thanks to Mr Rossi and Snuffles.

While I was working at the law firm, for a moment in time, I became friends with my supervisor. She is a Gen Z, so some of the things that she would do or say, I really do not agree with, but one of the things that she really helped me with, was understanding my autism. It was really… interesting… therapeutic and kind of freeing to meet someone who has the same type of autism that I do. We were both able to help each other see different points of view of different aspects of our lives. It was a real breakthrough for me, as it helped me to process things that had been troubling me for the longest time and actually let go of them. It has helped me to accomplish several therapy writing projects too, where I know that the intended people will never read them, but they are letters that I write, where I state that I now understand that you were possibly thinking/feeling this, even if you did not realise it at the time, but it made me feel this. It helped me to let go of so much negative stuff, and now, I no longer hold onto anything that troubled me in the past. I have been able to let go and start fresh with my new life.

This year, I have finally let go of everyone and everything that I had been holding on to, that has caused me hurt through so much mental abuse. I really think that I must have a sign on my head that reads, “Please mentally abuse me,” because I have not had a friendship or relationship that has not been mentally abusive to me, in some way. And just like everyone else, the friendship, with my supervisor, turned very mentally abusive too, but it was not until after it has, to a certain extent, served its purpose. This is what gave me the push to look  for another job, one that was more interesting and challenging than an Office Junior-style position, where I often got paid to write stories or a read a book, because there was nothing to do.

While working at the law firm, I was told many times, by different people, how much they appreciated that I can just go up to anyone and start a conversation. I like to make everyone feel included and heard, regardless of their position, religion, race, beliefs or language barriers. While I worked at the law firm, we had a security guard, who most people would never utter more than, “Morning,” to. I would always ask him how his day/week was going. I would check in with him, to make sure that he was okay. I would ask how his English speaking course was going. We would make small talk about the weather and our plans for the weekend. There was a young lady, who worked on the reception desk. She had very recently moved to England, from Nepal. She was silently struggling with certain English colloquialisms and the layout of British addresses. I would always help her and check in on her, to see how her day was going, as everyone would go to her to rant away their problems, but no one else ever thought to ask her if she was okay. I would talk to the legal secretaries, the paralegals, the company partners, the cleaners. I like to make the work place a safe space for everyone. Everyone deserves to be seen and heard. You never know from the cheerful face that people put on, during the working day, what struggles and hardships they are going through. One simple act of kindness can often make peoples day, and I received so much positive feedback, from my one-to-one review, with my manager (who is the best manager in the entire universe) who told me that I am the best employee he has ever hired, in his long and extensive career, for multiple reasons.

In October, I removed the dating app that I have been using on and off, over the past few years, from my phone. Dating has become frustrating, exhausting and I do not even enjoy doing it. I constantly feel as though I am going on dates, because everyone around me says that I have to. That it is what I am supposed to be doing with me life. Why do people not realise or accept that I do not need a partner. I have everything that I need already. Most people on dating apps have absolutely no personality (it is no wonder that they are single). I am sick of people saying their hobbies are food and TV – unless you are a chef or a TV critic, those are not hobbies. Everyone eats food and should cook from scratch, and everyone, occasionally, watches something, at some point, even if it is just the news. You literally have no personality if all you do, in your spare time, is watch the TV.

Another huge red flag for me is, I will not date someone who recently got out of a relationship. I’m not a consolation prize! Everyone deserves better than someone, male or female, who hasn’t/doesn’t process feelings/emotions before moving onto the next relationship – it won’t be healthy or work out in the long term, be that even five or ten years down the line, if one of you does not process things.

Although I am rather flattered, by the number of times I have been asked, I am not interested in a three-some/three people relationship. I am not really sure why this happens to me more often than I will admit to. I had assumed that everyone, on dating apps, gets this type of attention, but after discussing this with multiple people, it seems to just be me. Again, I am flattered, but I am afraid that this is not really my thing.

Another huge red flag (and this is probably the biggest red flag of them all) for me, is when someone says their previous partner was mental/crazy, because it just means you are an incredibly mentally abusive person. You would never have dated the person in the first place, if you thought that they were, “mental or crazy.” In fact, when I discuss this with people, they always say that things were okay, or even perfect to begin with. Yes, because mental abuse is what causes people to become very mentally unstable. It is what causes people to say and do things that they otherwise would not have done or said. People change when they endue regular, persistent mental abuse. And this opening conversation always has people show their true colours, through their defensive and mentally manipulative responses. “Suit yourself,” being one of the biggest manipulation tactics on a first/second date (or anytime in the relationship for that matter). If someone ever utters the phrase, “Suit yourself,” run for the hills and never, ever have communication with this person ever again. You will have just dodged a manipulative friendship/relationship, from a person who very likely has no idea of their destructive personality.

Now that I think about it, I have not been on a proper date this year, which to most people sounds really sad, but I have never been interested in a partner. It is the rest of the world that is obsessed in wanting this for me. I could very easily be happy by myself, for the rest of my life, and it wouldn’t make any difference to me either way. You have to be happy by yourself, in order to be able to be okay in a relationship, and I am definitely not looking for a situationship. If you are only with someone, because the situation works out well for you, so that you are not alone and your parents/friends like them and their parents/friends like you, but you likely would not bother if they did not, that is not a relationship. I have dated someone whose parents have said that they wanted me to marry their son. He was surprised that his parents liked me, and he was dating me despite believing that his parents would not like me. He always said that he liked me, regardless of what they said. I just was not ready for the non-emotionally fulfilling relationship, at the time, because I did not have the friends to fill in that blank for me, back then. I know it is incredibly unhealthy/toxic to expect one person to fulfil every mental, emotional and social need. You need to have friends that can fill all/the majority of those spaces, without you having a partner. Well, that is until you get married and as a female you have to cut out all of your friends, with the occasional, rare exception of one friend, as you are expected to only be friends with your husband’s friends’ wives… a social construct which everyone follows and I am still uncertain as to why. I guess it is because I have never been married, as to why I do not understand that unspoken rule.

Dear universe, I do not need a partner, so please stop making the people around me pressure me into dating, when I am perfectly happy on my own and I definitely do not need anyone. I am not a pathetic damsel in distress and I cannot stand the women, or men, who must be in a relationship all of the time – that in itself oozes of toxic behaviours and mentally abusive behaviour. Ugh! I really cannot stand people like that. I have lived through mentally abusive partners who play the victim, thank you very much! I will not be made to feel weak, not good enough for them/their friends/family, not trying hard enough, continuously ignored and made to feel so mentally unwell that when someone says to me, “Good morning, Josette. How’re you?” I break down in tears, because I feel so worthless.

If you cannot accept me for me, which includes my autism, which makes every one of my senses overstimulated at all times, and makes me feel every single emotion at once and each one is constantly fighting for my attention every single second of the day, then, please, do us both a favour and do not interact with me. I am not being childish, babyish or pathetic, simply because I am female, with sensory and mental struggles, when if a male admits to the exact same thing, he is brave and, “That takes guts.”

If you do not know how to defend me, when someone upsets me, that means you agree with them. If you do not know how to be a friend, or at the very least just a somewhat decent person, and defend me and talk about things that I am good at, when someone puts me in a state of overwhelming upset, where I cannot control my thoughts any longer, and I cannot get myself out of being hysterically upset, until I go to sleep… if you are unable to say things that you do like about me, then I do not want you in my life. I do not need you in my life. There is no medication that I can take to make my senses stop working. There is no medication to make the anxiety that is caused by my overstimulating autism, plus ADD, to stop working. There is no sleeping tablet that I can take to alter the chemicals, safely, in my brain, as what I have is not a chemical imbalancement. In order to function in society, have a full time 42 hour a week job, and not get completely overwhelmed every single second of the day, I need to be very careful who I let into my very tiny bubble. I can cope perfectly well without judgemental, unsupportive people, so if you are one of those, please do me a favour. Please refrain from being mentally abusive and stay away from me, thank you very much. If you care enough about me to read anything that I write, please do not leave comments, which could put me in a suicidal place, if read on a bad/overwhelmed day. I have worked really hard, a whole lot harder than the average person, to get to the place where I am now. If you get a kick out of the thought that you could upset me, then please think about your mentally abusive actions, as you may very well be hurting others in your life, and not just me. Please, be careful with your words and actions. I just want peace, between people. It takes more energy to be mean that to be nice.

Following on from my job at the law firm, on one random Sunday, I casually applied to one job, a warehouse production operator/administrator. It was the very last day that the job advertisement was open. I have applied to so many jobs this year that I really did not think about it all too much. I just applied to it, as something to do, and forgot all about it. I had a phone call, the next day, offering me an interview in two days time. Then after the interview, on the Wednesday, I had got the job by Friday. There was a very long and complicated process of leaving my law firm job, to start at the administration job, because my manager was refusing to let me leave. Then things got complicated again, with my tax code, because I had not taken the holiday that I was entitled to, while at the law firm, because I was saving it for when I moved into my maisonette, which was supposed to happen in October, but is now super delayed. So now, my tax code is messed up again. I am, now, on an emergency-emergency tax code, and I cannot phone HMRC up to pay off what I owe, because they are only open when I am at work, and my job has a very strict no mobile phones policy. I work from 7:30am until 4pm. My workplace is in an incredibly poor mobile phone signal area, anyway. By the time I get to a place, with decent phone signal, it is too late and HMRC is closed. I get a 30 minute break (well it is more like 20 minutes) and by the time I have walked to a place to get mobile phone signal, it is time to walk back to work again.

As for my new job, itself, I genuinely do like it. My job is to place orders with supplies and chase up the orders, which are skills that I picked up from my previous administration job, and they are the parts of the job that I actually enjoy. Yes, there is a lot more to the job than that, and yes, it can be stressful and my autism really does struggle working for a company that produces sirens, but most of the time I am able to cope just fine and not get overwhelmed. (If you are interested in my new job journey, there are a few small posts, where I somewhat talk about my new job here: https://josiesayz.blogspot.com/2024/11/becoming-warehouse-production.html, https://josiesayz.blogspot.com/2024/11/colleagues-in-my-new-office.html and https://josiesayz.blogspot.com/2024/12/colleagues-in-my-office-part-2.html.)

Right, let’s move on to some more nicer things that have happened this year. I have been able to work on my stories a lot this year, or at least I did when I was working at the law firm. I have managed to re-write my ‘Welcome to Arcturus High’ story and plan the series a lot more thoroughly. Since moving to my new job, I have not had the time to write stories anymore, as all of my time, away from work, has been taken up with life admin. However, during my lunch breaks, I have been able to read, which is something I had missed so much. I started the beginning of the year by reading the sequel to ‘The Ex Hex’ by Rachel Hawkins (pen name Erin Sterling). ‘The Ex Hex’ is one of my current favourite books and I have reread it twice already. Towards the end of the year, I have discovered the ‘Myrtlewood Mysteries’ by Iris Beaglehole. I am currently on book four of the series and I have already bought myself the rest of the set. I was not too sure about it at first, because I thought the series was some American woman buying into the hype of people romanticising English witchcraft, following on from the Harry Potter series, however, following a little research, I have discovered that the ‘Myrtlewood Mysteries’ have more to them than that. There is a witchcraft story interwoven with a detective plot in each tale, written by an actual witch, not someone trying to buy into the Gen Z selfcare hype. The stories are crafted so well that you can be interested in the mother character, Rosemary, who is in her mid/late thirties, or her teenage daughter, Athena. Being old enough to have a seventeen year old, myself, I completely fell in love with Rosemary’s character. And as someone who does not usually love romance in stories at all, I am loving the love triangle in Rosemary’s non-existent love life. It is so amusingly woven into the series, without dwelling too much into it.

I have just bought myself a newer model of Fitbit. I think my previous preowned one has done me really well, over the past few years, not just in tracking my steps, but helping me to sleep better (through recording my sleep time and sleep cycles), helping me log my water intake, nutrition, monitoring my heartrate, notifying me of an irregular heartbeat, providing me with exercise goals and breathing exercises. I have decided, for the new year, to upgrade myself from the Inspire 2 to the Versa 3. Again, it is only a preowned one, but I am doing really well and looking after myself, and I want to continue working hard to look after myself in 2025 too. I know that getting the keys to my maisonette is going to be the best thing to ever happen to me! I cannot wait to begin the next, incredibly exciting chapter of my life.

And I would not have survived 2024, or made it so far in my life or career, if it had not been for my wonderful friends. I need to say a wonderfully huge thank you to The Social Hermit, Lizzie Bear, Dr Nat, PhD Nancy and Mr Rossi (you all know who you are through your fun code names). I love you all ever so much. We have all survived through 2024 and I know that all of us have faced many difficulties and hurdles, but we have all been there for each other. I believe in you all and I will continue to be there for you throughout 2025. I feel so happy and grateful to have you guys!

- Josie -

Happy New Year

(Josie Sayz: I’ve just been scrolling through my blog and I can’t believe that I never posted this. I wrote it, roughly, the same time as I wrote ‘Hinder’ https://josiesayz.blogspot.co.uk/2017/09/hinder.html. This keeps me awake at night.)

Her heart raced as she rapped upon the door. Taking a step back, her eyes shot to the ground. Her pulse pounded in her ears. Her stomach spiralled. Her chest trembled. Looping a thumb under the handle of her shoulder bag, she gripped it tight. Her eyes lay fixed on the overgrown shrub of grass at the doorstep. Thudding sounded in the distance. Gasping, she held her breath. It grew nearer. Closer. Louder. Her heart crashed against her ribcage. The latch clicked. She sniffed, holding in another breath. The door creaked. She shuddered, staring at the door.

“Hey, you,” beamed the guy in the doorway. She shifted her sight to her feet, feeling her cheeks heat up. “Come here,” he sang, holding his arms out. Pinching her eyes tight, she pressed her face into his chest. Throwing her arms around him, she squeezed tight.

“I missed you,” she squeaked.

“I missed you too,” he smiled, pulling her into a tight embrace.

“I missed you more,” she sniffed, leaning back from their embrace to face him. Her eyes twinkled. She sniffed again.

“I know,” he whispered rubbing her back. “I know… it’s been hard.” She gave a hum and snuggled her head against his chest. “It’s all over now,” he told her. “I’m here.” He pressed his lips against the top of her head.

“I love you,” she murmured into his jumper, gripping him tighter.

“I know you do,” he whispered back, resting his chin against her copper hair. “And I love you too,” he added with a squeeze. She giggled against him. “Aww, I love your laugh,” he beamed, leaning out of their embrace. She smiled back at him, feeling her blushing cheeks brighten. “And you have the cutest smile.” She giggled again. “Now let’s get you inside before you freeze,” he told her, holding his hand out. Pinching her lips in, she nodded. Taking his hand, he led her inside, closing the door behind them.

Climbing the stairs, she felt the thumping in her chest increase. Her tongue scraped against the roof of her mouth. Her palms dampened. Reaching the top of the stairs, she wiped her hands down her trousers. “You okay?” he asked, placing a hand on her shoulder as he came to the top of the stairs behind her. Turning to him, she pinched in her lips and nodded. “Good,” he grinned. Reaching over her, he twisted the doorknob. Prodding open the door, he nudged her forward. “After you,” he said with a nod. Taking in a slow breath, she lowered her head and entered the room.

A blue blur radiated from the chair to her immediate right. Her heart leapt to her stomach. She seeped a breath. Shimmying around the whirl of blue, she forced her kindest smile. “Hi Chloe,” she sang out, darting towards the settee on the far side of the room.

“Hey,” grunted Chloe, not taking her eyes off her computer monitor.

“Are you okay?” she asked, still smiling.

“Fine,” came the grumbled reply. Rolling her eyes, the red-head seated herself down on the settee, plonking her bag down by her feet. Her shoulders drooped as she lowered her eyes to her lap. She scratched her thumb nail against the ketchup stain on her trousers.

‘Why did I bother?’ she wondered, feeling her heart thump against her ribcage. The tinned chatter emitting from Chloe’s computer screen cackled louder. She shuddered, sinking lower into the settee.

“Zoë brings alcohol,” he announced, squeezing Chloe’s shoulders as he passed her. Glancing up, Zoë watched Chloe’s eyes widened. The corner of Chloe’s mouth poked up, as she spun herself around, on her chair, to face them.

“Why didn’t ya say so?” she beamed. Pinching her lips in, Zoë’s eyes darted back to the stain on her trousers. Dropping into the space beside her, he plonked his arm around her shoulder.

“Come on,” he nudged. “What d’ya get?” Inhaling deep through her nose, Zoë closed her eyes as she shuffled herself to sit up straight.

“You do know it’s New Year’s Eve,” she warned them. “Most of the shops were shut after I finished my shift.” The drumming in her chest grew louder. Leaning forwards, she swiped her bag up and dropped it onto her lap. Unzipping the main compartment, she dove her hand inside. “The only stuff the place had left were these,” she muttered, placing six cans of cider on the desk to her left. With a clap, Chloe rubbed her hands together.

“Excellent,” she grinned. Reaching out for a can, she unhinged it from the group and pulled the tab back. “Don’t mind if I do,” she sang, before chugging back the can.

Pressing her palms into the padding, Zoë shuffled in her seat. “Oh, and Daniel, Derick let me buy the last bottle of House Whisky for you before I left,” she added, twisting herself around to face her partner. Pulling the bottle out of her bag, she felt her cheeks tingle as she passed it to him. “I know you said you liked it last time.”

“Aww,” he beamed back at her. “You shouldn’t have.” Feeling her cheeks redden even more, Zoë shrugged, averting her eyes back to her lap. “Come here,” he said throwing his arms around her. Feeling Daniel’s grip tighten around her, Zoë rested her head against his chest. His warmth sent a shudder down her spine. She inhaled. The scent of sweat and black coffee engulfed her. She hummed against him. Pressing his lips against the top of her head, he released his grip. “So Clo, what’s the plan?” he asked, bouncing up from the settee and dropping into his desk chair, beside her. Zoë’s brow puckered.

“New Year’s Countdown’s startin’ in a sec’ ‘n’ I’m gonna hook it up ta the TV,” she told him as she smashed her fingers into her keyboard. “That’ll take us up ta midnight. We’ve got a bunch a crisps ‘n’ dip ‘n’ stuff an’ I got a huge list a drinkin’ games we can play.” Pressing her palms into the edge of the desk, Chloe pushed her chair back and bounced up out of her seat. Flopping back against the settee Zoë gripped her temple, covering her eyes, and gave a slight groan.

‘Drinking games?’ she shuddered at the thought. ‘We’re not teenagers.’ Turning to her partner, Zoë pouted. ‘He knows I hate this,’ she cried to herself. ‘And they know I don’t drink.’ Spinning towards her, in his chair, Daniel reached a hand to Zoë’s knee and gave it a squeeze. With her head propped up against her hand, Zoë forced a smile.

“That’s the spirit,” he beamed.

While Chloe rummaged around with cables, in attempt to connect her computer with the television, Zoë pushed herself off the settee and gave a stretch. “You alright?” Daniel asked, glancing over his shoulder.

“Am I okay to get changed out of my work clothes?” Zoë asked as she pulled her hair-tie from her hair. Shaking her head, she let her hair tumbled down her shoulders. “I don’t want to make your flat stink of fish and chips,” she added.

“It’s a nice smell,” he told her. Zoë frowned. “Go on – I want you to feel comfortable.” Grabbing her bag, she smiled at him. “But you look nice in anything,” he added. Looping her bag onto her shoulder, Zoë gripped her arms around his chest, from the side of his chair. Resting her head against his shoulder she let out a giggle.

“Thank you,” she mused and kissed his cheek.

“Even nothing at all,” he whispered, taking grip of her arms. She let out another giggle. Feeling her cheeks blush, her eyelashes fluttered as he pressed his lips against hers.

“I’ll be back,” she giggled, as they parted.

*

Locking the bathroom door, Zoë yanked off her work shirt. Gripping the back of her neck, she rolled her head. ‘I can’t believe Chloe!’ she exclaimed to herself. ‘She’s nearly thirty-five, yet she acts like she’s fifteen.’ Crossing her arms over her body, Zoë gripped the bottom of her vest and stretched her arms over her head. ‘And Daniel’s playing along!’ she raged. ‘I swear, sometimes he can be just as immature as she is.’ Rummaging around in her bag, she pulled out her clean, black top (with white flecks and a white fairy silhouette) and a can of deodorant. Spraying herself she sighed. ‘It’s like looking after a pair of teenagers. I do the vacuuming. I do the washing up,’ she fumed. After pulling her clean top over her body, she unzipped her trousers. Kicking them off her feet, the rant in her mind went on, ‘I’m the one that tidies up. I pick up the rubbish. I clean their workspace, yet I don’t even live here!’ As she slipped on her midnight-blue and illuminous yellowy-white starred pyjama bottoms, Zoë dove her hand into her bag for her hairbrush. ‘I just wish we didn’t have to do everything with her,’ Zoë sulked, yanking her brush through her hair. ‘Daniel’s my boyfriend. I don’t mind them spending time together, but this is getting ridiculous.’ Throwing her hairbrush into her bag, Zoë tugged off her glasses and ran the cold water. ‘We never get any time alone,’ she sighed. ‘Not anymore.’ Her shoulders drooped. Cupping her hands under the running water, she splashed her face. ‘It’s like she knows I can’t stand her, so she purposely places herself everywhere.’ Dabbing her face against her towel, she sniffed. Flopping to the floor, she stuffed her things into her bag. She sniffed again, pinching her eyes tight. Her cheeks dampened. Another sniff. Hearing herself squeak, she threw a hand to her mouth.

Music beat through the wall. ‘Chloe must have set the television up,’ Zoë groaned. ‘Come on,’ she told herself. ‘Pull yourself together. You need to get back out there.’ Wiping the back of her hand across her face, Zoë clambered to her feet. She stared at her reflection in the mirror. ‘I can do this,’ she told herself. ‘Daniel loves me. Things will work out. New year new start. We’ll be together, and we’ll be happy… I know we will.’ A smile stretched across her face. ‘I can do this.’

*

Applause and cheering blared through the speakers. Creaking open the living room door, Zoë crept inside. Pressing the door closed behind her, her brow puckered. Stepping around Chloe, who continued bashing the keys on her keyboard, Zoë dropped back into her spot on the settee. “Someone looks beautiful,” Daniel said with a smile.

“I’m in my pyjamas,” replied Zoë with a frown.

“So?” Daniel shrugged. “You’re still beautiful. Come here.” Spinning in his chair to face her, Daniel patted his hands against his thighs. Giggling at him, Zoë perched on his lap. Wrapping his arms around her, he squeezed her tight. Leaning back against his chest, Zoë sighed. “You okay?” he asked, resting his chin on her shoulder.

“Yeah,” she muttered. “Music’s just a little loud, that’s all.” Her eyes dropped to her lap.

“It’s how Clo likes it,” he told her. “But I like you like this.” Cupping an arm under her knees, he twisted her around on his lap, so the left side of her body faced him. She giggled again. Placing a hand to his shoulder, she closed her eyes and pressed her lips onto his. Squeezing her thigh, he kissed her back. She giggled into another kiss as his hand stroked up her leg. Her fingers clawed through his hair.

“I love you,” she whispered, as his hand moved towards her chest.

“I love you more,” he grinned, pressing his forehead against hers. She hummed as her cheeks reddened. The green flecks in his eyes made her stomach spiral. Stretching an arm around the back of his neck, she snuggled her head down against his chest.

“I love you most,” she murmured, closing her eyes.

“Right!” Chloe boomed, bouncing up out of her chair. “Who’s ready for shots?” Scrunching her face up, Zoë groaned.

“It’s okay,” Daniel told her, rubbing a hand up and down her back. “I got you some sparkling water – your favourite, strawberry and kiwi…” Lifting her head, the right corner of Zoë’s mouth poked up.

“You didn’t have to, thank you,” she replied.

“Right!” he projected. Hooking an arm around her back and slipping the other underneath her knees, Daniel scooped Zoë in his arms. Standing up from his chair, he sidestepped towards the settee and flopped backwards into it. Zoë squealed against him. “Did you like that?” he chuckled. Beaming, Zoë nodded. “Thought you might.” Puckering his lips, he kissed the tip of her nose. “And drinks,” he announced. Sliding Zoë off his lap, Daniel wandered off into the kitchen.

Curling her legs up against her, Zoë wrapped her arms around her calves, resting her chin between her knees. She gave a slow sigh, gazing at Daniel in the window of the kitchen. He and Chloe were pouring drinks into shot glasses and emptying packets of crisps into bowls. ‘Why are they making such a fuss?’ Zoë pondered as she watched them. ‘I’d rather go to sleep. What’s the fuss about New Year anyway?’ Her eyes flickered towards the television. The host of the show grabbed out for a pint of beer. The audience cheered. Their chanting got louder. Louder. Throwing his head back, the presenter downed the pint. ‘Great,’ she muttered to herself. ‘It’s that sort of show. Even the presenter’s an idiot.’ Switching locations, Big Ben flashed in front of the screen. Another host appeared – this one was female. She wore a very short, low-cut dress that did not leave much to the imagination and her face was caked in makeup. As the woman chattered on, Zoë’s eyes widened. “Dan-iel,” she called sweetly, elongating the vowels of his name. His head appeared in the doorway.

“Yeah?”

“Do I get to share your New Year’s kiss?” she asked, bearing her sweetest smile, tilting her head to one side. Her heart raced.

“Of course,” he smiled, before heading back into the kitchen.

Hugging her legs tight, Zoë watched as Chloe and Daniel travelled back and forth from the kitchen to the living room, setting up a small table with food and drink. Stacks of shot glasses and plastic cups lined the edge of the table. ‘I wonder what would happen if I flicked one over?’ she chuckled to herself. ‘Maybe they’d domino over.’

“What’s so funny?” Daniel asked pinching a crisp from the bowl.

“Nothing,” blushed Zoë shaking her head. Dropping into the space beside her, Daniel handed her a bottle of sparkling water. “Thanks,” she muttered.

Slamming the kitchen door closed behind her, Chloe grabbed her desk chair and dragged it over towards the settee. Zoë stared ahead, watching the windows in the door vibrate. Twisting the top off a litre, glass bottle of liquor, Chloe shot her head back, taking a big swig. “Ah!” she gasped, slamming the bottle down on the table. “That’s what I’m talkin’ ‘bout.” Sliding her chair closer, Chloe placed her feet between Daniel’s. “So, whatta we do first?” she asked. Daniel shrugged. Zoë’s eyes lay fixed on the floor. She stared at their socks. Daniel’s were black and worn. His big toe poked out of his right sock. Chloe’s red ones were worn out too. A dark stain splashed across her left one. Tapping her right foot, she stroked the inside of Daniel’s left. The pulse pounded through Zoë’s temples. The grip around her legs tightened.

“And what’s your New Year’s resolution, Tina?” the television blared. Zoë shuddered. Her eyes shot towards the television. “I’m hoping to lose weight,” the female presenter replied.

“Ha!” Chloe spat. “That’s ridiculous. She’s stick thin.” The corner of Zoë’s mouth poked up.

‘That’s something we agree on,’ the red-head mused.

“So, what’s your New Year’s resolution, Clo?” asked Daniel, grabbing a pile of crisps.

“That’s easy,” Chloe laughed. Swiping a handful of peanuts, she threw one in the air. Tipping her head back, she opened her mouth and caught it. “I wanna girlfriend ‘n’ ta get outta this crap hole.”

“Language,” Zoë whispered under her breath.

“What about you, Dan?” she asked him, taking a swig from a can of cider. “What d’you want?”

“I dunno?” he shrugged, as his cheeks reddened. Looking from Chloe to Zoë his eyes lingered upon his girlfriend, curled up in the corner. Scratching at his stubbled face, he returned his sight to Chloe. “Umm… a promotion would be nice,” he announced. Reaching out for a plastic cup, he swallowed the contents in one gulp.

A hand rested upon Zoë’s shoulder. Her eyes widened. She shuddered. “What about you, Zoë?” asked a voice. Her cheeks reddened. Flinching, her head shot towards Daniel. “What’s your New Year’s resolution?” he asked again.

“Me?” she murmured. He nodded. Unhinging her grip, Zoë let her feet slide to the carpet. Pressing her palms into the seat, she shuffled herself towards him. “I guess there’s a few things,” she smiled up at him. Fluttering her lashes, she bit her lip as her smile stretched. “Hmm,” she sighed, darting her eyes to her lap. “Getting a real job is what I’d probably go with. I don’t want to wait tables forever.” Reaching a hand behind her, Daniel rubbed her back. She flopped towards him, resting against his shoulder.

“A toast!” Chloe shouted, raising a shot glass. “To a new year and change for us all.”

“Here, here!” Daniel cheered, raising his shot of whisky. Zoë grabbed out for her bottle of sparkling water and held it up too.

“To us!” cheered Chloe, before downing her drink.

Lacing his fingers through Zoë’s, Daniel snuggled his head on her chest. “You’re nice and warm,” he murmured. Inhaling through his nose, he hummed a soft breath.

Stroking a thumb through his hair, Zoë whispered, “Are you okay?” Her heart raced.

“I’m comfy,” his tone softened as he squeezed her fingers. “I love you.” Her stomach fluttered.

“I love you too,” she added, as she kissed his head. Her eyes darted towards the door. Chloe had left the room a few moments earlier. ‘She’ll be back any second,’ Zoë told herself. The drumming inside of her grew louder.

“I don’t want you to go,” he said sulkily. He hugged an arm around her waist and groaned. “Thank you for loving me.”

“It’s okay,” she whispered back, with a frown. Stroking his hair, her expression softened as he purred against her. “I’m not going anywhere.”

“Good,” he hummed. “You’re mine.” Her cheeks tingled. Shuffling about, he twisted his head up to face her. “You’re my princess,” he said through sparkling eyes. Smiling back, Zoë felt her eyes tingle. Sniffing, she let out a soft laugh. Her cheek dampened. Closing her eyes, she placed her lips on his forehead.

“Always,” she whispered.

A pack of cards landed in Daniel’s lap. He bolted upright. “Yer gonna shuffle?” Chloe barked, jumping into her chair and spinning around.

“Erm, sure,” he muttered, running a hand through his hair. “What are we playing?”

“Switch,” she replied, gripping the table as she spun by. “Whenever an even or a heart’s played we ‘ave t’take a shot. Queen’s worth two shots. Anyone who plays an ace gets a shot to themselves.” Zoë rolled her eyes. Sliding up against the arm of the settee, Daniel began dishing out cards on the settee space, between himself and Zoë.

“Where are we gonna play?” he asked. “Don’t we need a table?” Stretching her head up, Zoë looked over at their snack table. It was covered in cups, glasses, bottles and bowls.

“Do you want me to clean a space on there?” she asked pointing at their alcohol display.

“Nah, we’ll play on here,” Chloe scrunched her face up at Zoë’s idea, as she pointed to space on the settee where Daniel had already piled up the cards. Stretching her legs out towards the settee, Chloe dug her heels into the carpet and slid in her chair towards them. Zoë’s stomach spiralled. Her heart leapt into her throat.

“Good idea,” Zoë heard herself say as she scrunched up her hands, digging her nails into her palms.

Perching her feet up on the edge of her seat, Chloe pressed her hand of cards against her knees. “I don’t want you two cheating,” she stated, as she pulled her legs towards herself. Glancing down at her seven cards, Zoë’s stomach whirlpooled. Every single card in her hand was even and red. Taking in a slow breath, she looked over at Daniel. A smile spread across his face.

“Who’s first?” he asked. Zoë’s chest tightened as she pinched her eyes shut tight. Pressing her chest out, Chloe looked over from Daniel to Zoë and smiled.

“I’ll go first,” she announced. “We’ll go clockwise, so Dan, you’re next, then her.”

Relaxing her shoulders, Zoë opened her eyes. The first card was placed. Her heart raced. A three of spades. She held her breath. The three of clubs. Her eyes darted down to her hand. She had no threes, clubs or a four to carry on the number sequence. Inhaling through her nose, Zoë stretched forward to collect a card from the pile. “Already?” Chloe sneered. Zoë’s eyes daggered towards her. “Don’t believe you.” Zoë’s harsh stare lifted as her brow puckered.

“I’m not a cheat,” Zoë declared. Chloe snorted.

“You just don’t wanna play,” Chloe snarled.

“I never said that,” cried Zoë. Her chest pounded. She turned to Daniel. He stared right through her. “Fine! There,” she shouted, slamming her cards down, face up, on the settee. The two of hearts, six of diamonds, two red eights, the ten of hearts and two red queens fanned out before them. Smashing her hand down beside them, Zoë revealed the nine of hearts – the card that she had just selected form the pile. “Happy now?” Snarling her nose, Chloe remained silent. She looked down at her cards, picked one and thumped it down on the pile, as though nothing had happened. Retrieving her cards, Zoë retreated into the far corner of the settee. Keeping her head down, she glanced over at Daniel. He said nothing. He did nothing. Sniffing, Zoë curled her legs up underneath her and buried her head against a cushion. As Daniel placed his card on the pile, he stretched out his legs, resting his feet against the edge of Chloe’s chair. Chloe glanced down at his feet and a smile stretched across his face.

After their first shot, Chloe and Daniel seemed to forget all about Chloe’s raging outburst. Zoë did not. She remained curled up in the far corner, sipping on her water. Whilst looking through his cards, Daniel tapped his toes against Chloe’s leg. Squinting her eyes, Zoë’s blood bubbled at her temple. ‘Why is he siding with her?’ she fumed. ‘I did nothing wrong.’ Gripping her stomach, she sniffed. Her cheeks dampened. Brushing a hand across her face, she dropped a card onto the pile.

“Shots!” Chloe shouted. She and Daniel swiped a glass from the table and downed it. Taking a swig from her sparkling water, Zoë wrinkled her nose. “It’s only water,” Chloe snarled. Zoë sniffed. Screwing the lid back on her bottle, she stared at their feet.

“I don’t like carbonated stuff,” she mumbled, feeling her heart thud to her stomach. The bottle slid from her hands. Chloe muttered something as the bottle thudded to the floor. Zoë’s eyes shot towards her.

“What?” she snapped with a shrug.

As the game continued, Chloe and Daniel drowned more and more glasses of alcohol. Crouched up in the corner, Zoë remained silent. Slamming her last card on the pile, Chloe bounce up, swiping the bottle of clear liquor off the table. Tossing her head back she took a long swig. “I win!” she shouted, dropping back into her seat. Poking the remainder of her cards towards the pile, Zoë closed her eyes and took a slow, long breath. When she opened her eyes, Chloe has spun her chair around to face the television. Zoë pinched her temple. The pounding in her head swirled around the pressure she applied. A hand rested on her knee. Her head shot to the right. Daniel’s eyes met hers. He smiled. Hands at her sides, Zoë’s eyes shot to her lap.

After shuffling the cards back into their pack, Daniel slid towards Zoë. Flopping an arm around her shoulder, he gave her a squeeze. “You okay?” he asked. She shrugged, staring at her lap. “Chloe’s a bit competitive,” he added as he gazed over at the blonde.

“I know,” Zoë muttered. ‘He’s making excuses for her,’ she fumed to herself. ‘He knows what she did was wrong, but his rose-tinted glasses won’t let him see the truth.’ Her back stiffened. He gave her shoulder another squeeze. “Daniel…” she pouted, looking up at him.

“Yeah?” His soft eyes made her stomach swirl.

“Can’t we just watch a film in your room?” she whispered, as she rested her head against his shoulder. “Please?” Slipping an arm around his waist, she inhaled his scent, humming against him.

“Don’t be silly,” he laughed. “We’re all watching the New Year Countdown together.” Loosening her grip, Zoë felt herself sigh.

“Yeah,” she mumbled, withdrawing from him. “I know.” Her sight returned to her lap.

The volume on the television increased. “This is the best,” Chloe announced over her shoulder as she pulled the tab back on another can of cider. Hugging her arms around herself, Zoë felt her skeleton shudder at the sudden surge in volume. The studio’s camera danced across the audience, all of whom were cheering, clapping or waving.

“Hey Zoh, is this the one where he gets the blonde and the brunette mixed up?” Daniel asked Chloe, bolting up right. Zoë’s eyes widened.

‘He said Zoh, not Clo,’ Zoë fumed to herself. Her heart dropped to her stomach. ‘He’s done it again,’ she sighed. ‘And Chloe’s not correcting him.’ Shuffling away from him, she flickered her eyes up to the television screen. A small, empty corner-shop appeared. A cashier’s desk and till lay present at the centre of the screen, while newspapers, fruits and baked goods lines the edges of the frame.

“Yeah, it’s a classic,” she heard Chloe exclaim as the blonde spun back around to the television. Leaning towards Zoë, Daniel scooped an arm behind her, hooking her waist.

“You’ll like this,” Daniel told Zoë, as the audience cheering on the television grew louder. Her expression plain, Zoë hummed. “It’s so funny.” Feeling Daniel’s warmth near, Zoë curled herself up against him. Resting her head against his shoulder, his hand tingled up her spine. Allowing herself a smile, she hummed against him.

Flickering her eyes back towards the television, Zoë’s temples pounded from the volume. As a man dressed in overalls strode onto the screen, the cheering died down. Swiping a newspaper, the man settled himself down behind the counter, flicked open the newspaper and began reading. A short, stumpy man waddled into the frame. Removing his bowler hat, he too grabbed a newspaper and made his way towards the counter. As the two gentlemen conversed, Zoë realised that they appeared to be acquaintances, as they began chattering away about New Year’s Eve and who they wished they were lucky enough to share a kiss with. “What about Mariah Carey?” asked the cashier, after they had already listed several singers, models and actresses, with each chuckling at the other’s fantasy.

“Ow,” honked the man with the hat. “She could kiss me under the mistletoe any night.”

As their fantasies continued, a brunette strode in. Flicking her hair over the shoulder of her white and black horizontal striped top, the cashier gawked at her. His eyes followed her everywhere, from the newspaper stand, to the fruit and vegetables, to the baked goods and the towards the counter. Returning his hat to his head, the cashier’s chubby companion propped his newspaper under his arm, wished his friend all the best with chatting up the brunette and bid him cheerio. Stuttering through a conversation, the cashier admired the brunette’s blue eyes, her wavy hair and her curved figure. She blushed at his words, pulling at the cuffs of her top, and agreed to his request of a date later to see the New Year in together.

As the brunette left, another gentleman walked in. With a cigar between his fingers, the man began puffing away. After collecting his goods, he too approached the cashier and the two began talking. They appeared to be acquaintances too, Zoë noticed, as the cashier wasted no time in explaining his success of gaining a date to his cigar-smoking customer. The gentleman congratulated him and asked her name. The cashier’s face dropped. He had been too stunned by her beauty and so eager to ask her out that he forgot to ask her name. His cigar puffing friend, assured him not to worry that he was sure everything would turn out. Whilst conversing, the cashier’s eyes lit up. He spotted her. She must have re-entered the shop. A lady in a white and black horizontal striped top was crouched down, looking at something on a lower shelf. Pointing to the woman, the cashier told his friend that the woman in the striped top was his date.

As the smoking gentleman turned to leave, the woman in the striped top stood up. A head full of blonde hair bounced towards him. The man with the cigar patted her on the shoulder and told her how the cashier would love to find out her name and winked at her before leaving. As the blonde stood at the till, the cashier’s eyes widened. The woman before him was blonde. He frowned. He complimented her blue eyes, her wavy hair, her curved figure. “Looking forward to tonight, beautiful?” he asked her.

“Why? What’s happening tonight?” she asked him.

“You, me and the firework display,” he beamed.

“Sounds like a date?” she replied leaning over the counter.

“Yeah,” he swallowed. “You know, you look beautiful no matter what colour your hair is,” he told her. Grabbing her shopping she agreed to meet him later and winked as she left.

In the next scene, the cashier stood outside in a park and tried to make his way through the crowd. He spotted the brunette and waved her over. He told her how he liked her brown hair and she gave a shy giggle. She asked him to wait, while she found her sister – her sister also had a date and she was hoping that the four of them could watch the fireworks together. While she was gone, the blonde appeared, with her hair tied up in a braided bun. She threw her arms around him, expressing how happy she was to see him. He asked her how she changed her hair so fast. She told him that she was a hairdresser, before announcing that she had to go and find her sister. The cashier was confused. She had just said that she was going to find her sister, but she came back with a different hair colour instead. “Women,” he muttered to himself shaking his head.

“There he is,” he heard a female voice say. That was her. He knew it. He turned around. His brow puckered. “This is my date,” said the brunette.

“No,” snapped the blonde, whose arm was linked around the brunette’s. “This is my date. I met him this morning at the store.”

“I met him this morning at the store,” the brunette raged. The cashier stuttered the beginnings of several sentences.

Zoë shuddered, as Daniel and Chloe burst into laughter. The women were twins and the cashier had asked them both to go to the fireworks display with him and had not realised that they were two different people. As the audience cheered, Daniel lent towards Zoë. “Did you like that?” he asked through a chuckle. Zoë hummed.

Her expression plain, she stared ahead at Chloe and muttered, “A guy that can’t tell two girls apart – yeah funny.” There was no laughter or amusement to her voice. ‘Why would that be funny?’ she sobbed to herself. ‘If that happened to me, I’d be so upset.’

“It’s just a bit of fun,” Daniel laughed, giving her a nudge.

“Sorry,” she mumbled with a shrug. “Yeah,” she forced a smile as she turned towards him. “It was fun.”

As the sketch ended and the New Year’s Countdown presenter started discussing the best pop songs of the year, Chloe lowered the volume on the television by a couple of bars. Spinning in her chair, Chloe turned to face the other two. Sliding her chair towards them, she grabbed another handful of peanuts. “No one else having one?” she asked. Daniel’s eyes shot towards Zoë. She lowered her saddened face from his.

“I can’t,” Daniel muttered. “But all the more for you,” he added, pinching another handful of crisps. “I think I want a coffee,” he announced, bouncing to his feet. “Anyone else want a hot drink?”

“Nah,” Chloe scrunched up her nose.

“No thank you,” Zoë squeaked, shaking her head.

Whilst Daniel bumbled about in the kitchen, fumbling with switches and clattering crockery, Zoë stared on as Chloe tossed peanuts up in the air and continued to catch them in her mouth. “That’s clever,” Zoë mused. Chloe did not respond. She threw another peanut. “Did it take a lot of practice?” Zoë asked as Chloe caught another.

“No,” Chloe muttered with a shrug. “It’s easy.” Zoë forced her smile to remain, as she glanced towards the kitchen to see if Daniel was on his way back. “Wanna give it a try?” Chloe asked. Zoë shook her head. “Go on. It’s not hard.”

“I can’t,” Zoë mumbled shaking her head. “I’m allergic, sorry.” Chloe snorted a breath. “Thank you anyway,” Zoë added, as Daniel appeared in the doorway.

“What are me girls up to?” asked Daniel, as he plonked himself back on the settee. Taking a slurp of coffee, he looked from Zoë to Chloe.

“Dan, blackjack,” Chloe barked, throwing the pack of cards at him.

“Oof, watch it,” he warned as the pack of cards landed on his stomach. Throwing a hand to the cards, he took another sip of coffee. Humming, he placed his mug down on the floor, before turning towards Zoë. Swiping the pack of cards, he shook the box. The cards slipped out into his hand.

“I just wanna watch,” Zoë blurted out, gripping Daniel’s elbow, as he began shuffling. “Please,” she added as his brow puckered. Her grip around his elbow tightened.

“Okay. You can be on my team,” he told her. “We can work together.” Flicking the cards into piles, he added, “I’m not very good at blackjack either.” Loosening her grip, Zoë found herself smiling back.

‘It’s not that I’m not good at it,’ she sighed to herself. ‘I just don’t want to play with her.’

Flopped against Daniel’s left side, Zoë hugged an arm over his stomach. Fewer shots were downed this time. Whenever it was Daniel’s turn to take a shot, he sipped his black coffee instead. Zoë hummed against him. ‘This is good,’ she smiled to herself. ‘He’s sobering up.’ After placing a card down, Daniel hugged his mug, taking a voluntary gulp. Hooking her arms around his bicep, Zoë gave him a squeeze, as she stretched up to kiss his cheek. “Thank you,” she whispered in his ear, as she snuggled up against him.

“What for?” he breathed back.

“Being you,” she smiled.

Dropping the last of her cards onto the pile, Chloe swiped the glass bottle of clear liquor yelling, “Winner!” before downed the last of it. Eyes wide, Zoë stared at the bottle. Chloe had drunk the whole litre bottle, two cans of cider and at least a dozen shots. “Next game!” Chloe cheered, slamming the empty bottle down onto the table as she flopped back into her chair. Chloe’s eyes widened. Throwing her head over her shoulder, she twisted her chair around to face the television. “Yes, I love this song!” she beamed, grabbing the television remote control and increasing the volume.

Pinching her eyes tight, Zoë dug her nails into her palms. She inhaled. Counting down from ten, in her head, she blew out her breath. Fluttering her eyes open she glanced at Daniel’s watch. Five-past-eleven. Zoë groaned. ‘Fifty-five minutes left,’ she fumed. ‘I can’t take much more of this.’ Clawing a hand through her hair, she stretched. The volume increased. The thumping in her head grew louder. Her chest shook. Her pulse pounded. Turning to her partner, Zoë tugged on his jumper. “I don’t feel very well,” she told him with a sniff. “Am I okay to lie down in your room for a bit?”

“Of course,” he said, rubbing a hand on her knee. “Are you okay?”

“It’s just a headache,” she told him with a shrug. “I must have got it from work,” she lied, glaring at Chloe. ‘If looks could kill,’ she told herself as her stare burnt into the back of the blonde’s head. “I’ll be fine,” she added, smiling at him. “I just want to lie down for a bit.”

“Okay,” he nodded.

“You’ll come and get me before the fireworks though, won’t you?” she pleaded, squeezing his arm.

“Of course,” he beamed, poking her nose. Her cheeks reddened.

“Promise?” she pouted. Stroking a hand across her cheek, Daniel leant towards her, pressing his lips onto hers. Her stomach spiralled.

“I promise.” A smile stretched across her face. Her heart hammered in her chest. Pressing herself up against him, she kissed him back. He kissed her again. She rubbed a hand across the back of his neck. He hummed against her kiss.

Leaning out of their embrace, Zoë smiled, “Thank you,” as her eyelashes fluttered. Gazing into his eyes, her heart raced. Her stomach swirled. “I love you,” she whispered, stroking her hand over his.

“I love you too,” he whispered back, rubbing a thumb against the back of her hand. “You take care.”

*

Closing the door behind her, the music dimmed to a thud. Tugging her glasses off, she ran a hand through her hair. Inhaling, she closed her eyes and held her breath. Blowing the air out between her lips, she relaxed her shoulders. “Finally,” she whispered. The racing in her ribcage slowed. She dropped her glasses down beside her bag and perched on the edge of Daniel’s bed. ‘This was a lot different in my head,’ she sighed to herself. With a sniff, Zoë knelt up on the bed and tugged the curtains closed. The pulse pounding through her head eased. Pinching her right hand over her temple, she sighed again. ‘Why does she have to act like such an immature teenager for?’ Zoë raged. ‘Couldn’t she just be a little quieter? Is that so hard?’ With another sigh, Zoë flopped onto the bed. She stretched her arms out across the covers and tugged Daniel’s blanket around her. Curling herself up, she nestled her head against its soft, furry warmth. Inhaling, a sleepy, sweaty, coffee scent stretched a smile across her face. “Oh Daniel,” she sighed, closing her eyes as she snuggled up against his pillow. “I love you.”

*

Having drank the last of his coffee, Daniel gave a stretch, before placing his hands behind the back of his head and closed his eyes. Chloe snorted. “Ya not joining your pouty, little princess, are you?” she snarled.

Squinting his eyes, Daniel muttered, “What d’you mean?”

“It’s barely gone eleven,” she spat, swaying in her chair. “Ya not fallin’ asleep already, are ya?”

“Just resting my eyes,” he warned her. “No biggy.” Giving her chair a spin, Chloe swiped the bowl of crisps and began chobbling. The television chanted away in the background. Letting out a sigh, Daniel stroked a hand across the settee where Zoë had been sitting. His heart rattled in his ribcage. ‘Still warm,’ he smiled to himself. Shuffling into the warmth, he inhaled a deep breath through his nose. Her sweet scent tingled his spine.

“Next game,” Chloe shouted through a mouthful of food. Opening his eyes, he rolled them towards her. “Every time the guy miss hears somethin’ or mixes ‘is words up, we take a shot.” With a puckered brow, Daniel pushed himself to sit up straight. His frown flickered from Chloe to the television. Another cashier scene appeared on the screen. A man in overalls sprawled out beside a till, with a bottle in his hand.

 “Is this the sketch where the guy messes up all the accents and thinks the dude wants a prostitute, when he’s wants a garden hoe?” he asked, eyes wide.

“Yeah, now sshh,” she hissed. “You’re gonna miss it.”

Two shots down, Chloe grabbed them both another one. Holding her stomach, they both burst out laughing. “Down goes another!” she beamed.

“You know,” Daniel chuckled. “I think Zoë woulda liked this one.” Chloe scowled at him. “What?” he shrugged. “She likes English-language jokes. She’d find the Which Witch funny.” Rolling her eyes, Chloe snarled her nose up at him.

“Shot!” she shouted, passing him another glass.

“What?” he frowned. “They haven’t even-”

“That’s for mentionin’ her,” she barked. “Drink up.”

As the sketch ended, a collection of cups and glasses gathered upon their desk. Leaning against the arm of the settee, Daniel gripped his forehead. “That was intense,” he murmured as he swayed.

“Baby!” Chloe laughed as she dropped into the space beside him. Swiping a plastic cup, Chloe took another shot.

“Okay! Okay! That’s enough alcohol for you, missy,” Daniel warned, forcing the cup from her hand. “You’ve drank too much. You’re either gonna be sick or in a terrible state tomorrow. An’ I don’t wanna be the one cleaning up your mess, okay?” Chloe groaned, flopping back against the padding.

“You’re so unfair,” she pouted. “Live a little. Have a little fun.” Pulling on his arm, she leant towards him. “You used to be fun,” she whined. “Since Zoë’s been in the picture, you’re borin’.”

“I’m not!” Daniel declared, brushing her off. “I can be fun!”

“Drown da resta dat bottle,” Chloe slurred, pointing to a half-full litre bottle of clear liquor on the table. “I dare you.” Leaning towards him, she prodded a finger in his cheek. “I dare you,” she sang.

“No,” he sighed.

“See. You’re borin’,” she sulked. Folding her arms, she wrinkled her nose. “Zoë’s changed ya, man.”

“Fine,” he sighed, slamming a hand against the settee’s arm. “Give it here.” Snatching the bottle off her, he muttered, “If that’s what it takes,” before unscrewing the lid and throwing his head back.

“That’s my boy!” Chloe cheered.

Daniel flopped back. Leaning to his left, he slumped against the edge of the settee. Groaning, he propped his head up against his hand. Hearing Chloe curse, he groaned again. “What’s the matter now?” he sighed.

“Stupid pop music!” Chloe raged. “The singers should be burnt.” Screaming at the television screen, Chloe lunged the remote control in its direction. “That’s not music!” she spat. “It’s torture!”

“Alright,” Daniel laughed. “Calm down. Calm down. We don’t have to listen to it.” He rested a hand on her shoulder. “Deep breath,” he told her. Breathing in, she relaxed her shoulders. “That’s it.” Pulling back the tab of a can of cider, Daniel passed it to her. “Drown your sorrows in this,” he told her, as he took a swig from one himself. Chugging back a can, Chloe let out a burp. Daniel shuddered.

After chugging the can dry, Chloe crushed it against the arm of the settee and lobbed it at the television. “Why’s the world against me?” she sighed, shoving her cheek into her fist.

“Erm… it’s not,” Daniel replied with a frown.

“Is there something wrong with me?” she asked turning towards him. “I mean really,” she went on, “Because if there is, I need ta know. I can change. I can be different. I can-”

“Clo,” Daniel gasped, gripping her knee. “Of course there’s nothing wrong with you,” he told her. “It’s the alcohol talking. Look, I wouldn’t still be here, living with you, if there was something wrong, now, would I?” Twisting himself around to face her more, Daniel placed one hand on hers and his other on her shoulder. “Clo, you’re perfect.” His eyes sparkled. “You always have been. Why d’you think I fell in love with you when we first met?” Sniffing, Chloe smirked.

“Thanks,” she muttered. “I guess… I just want things ta change.” Her shoulders dropped as she lowered her eyes to her lap. “I know it can’t,” she mumbled. “I just wish…”

“If you’re uncomfortable with me seeing Zoë once a month, I can see her less,” he blurted out. Lowering his head, he tried to catch her gaze. “This is your home too, not just mine,” he added. “I want you to feel comfortable.” He gave her shoulder a squeeze.

“I just wanna be happy…” she sobbed. Her bottom lip shook. “I want to be happy with someone…” With a sniff, she pinched her eyes tight.

“You will be,” he smiled. “I know you will. You deserve someone extra special and you’ll find them,” he told her. “I know you will.” Turning her body around to face him, she took in a shaky breath. Lifting her head, she sniffed back the sparkling from her sight, as she stared into his eyes. His smile made her stomach spiral.

“Dan…” she whispered, brushing a hand across his cheek. Her eyes lowered to his lips. Her chest pounded. She leant towards him. Closing her eyes, she pressed her lips against his. Leaning away, she fluttered her eyes open and gasped. She shot her head away from him. “Dan, I-” her lip trembled. Her eyes stared at the carpet. He gasped. Gazing at Chloe, he murmured her name. She shifted her eyes towards him, then back at the carpet. Leaning towards her, he stroked a hand across her face. He wet her lips with his. His hand stroked her neck. He kissed her again. She crashed her lips onto his. He groaned. She tangled her fingers through his hair.

“Clo!” he gasped, as she kissed him again. “It’s always been you,” he whispered, as he pressed his forehead against hers. Closing her eyes, she sighed against him. His hands ruffled under her t-shirt, stroking her back. She shuffled against him, pressing her lips against his. He pulled her onto him. She moaned against his kisses. His hands gripped her hips. He groaned into another kiss. Her hands slipped up his torso. He pulled off his jumper and t-shirt in one yank. She chuckled between kisses as his hands returned to her back.

Kissing his neck, she whispered, “I want you.” His fingers fumbled with the button on her jeans. Her lips covered his. Scooping a hand behind her, he slithered around. He lay on top of her. She pushed their clothes onto the floor.

Kissing her ear, he whispered, “I love you, Clo.”

*

Bang! Zoë’s eyes shot open. Bang! Bang! She gasped. Bang! Bang-bang! She jerked her head towards the window. Bang! Light flashed against the curtain. “The fireworks” she cried. Pushing herself up, she rubbed her eyes. ‘They forgot to wake me,’ she sobbed. Reaching for her glasses, Zoë slipped them up her nose. Dragging her fingers through her scalp, she clawed her hair from her face. Sliding off the edge of the bed, Zoë tugged at Daniel’s blanket. Wrapping it around her shoulders, she raced for the door.

Skipping across the hallway, Zoë creaked open the living room door. She gasped. Her heart froze. Daniel and Chloe. Her stomach whirled. They were together. On the settee. Her chest shook. They were face to face. Kissing. Skin to skin. She clasped a hand to her mouth. Their clothes covered the floor. Their bodies pressed against one another. ‘No!’ she cried, snapping her eyes tight. Darting into Daniel’s room, the door swung closed behind her. Her chest shook. Her eyes stung. Her vision blurred. Pressing her back against the door, she slid to the ground. Her cheeks dampened. Her chest shuddered. A squeak escaped her. As the fireworks blasted off overhead, she whispered, “Happy New Year.”

- Josie -